An apology is an expression of regret (or remorse) for particular actions. The goal of apologizing is usually forgiveness, understanding and restoration of the relationship between at least two people where one has offended the other. Apologizing at the right time, the importance of the relationship, and the event that occurred are all factors to acknowledging an apology and gain forgiveness.
Different kinds of apologies include the forced apology in which the perceived offender is coerced into making an apology. It is dismissed as a meaningless gesture. To be accepted, an apology must be voluntary. A non- apology (sometimes called a backhanded apology or fauxpology) is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse. An insincere apology is a statement that expresses remorse that is not felt by the receiver. Sincerity is a desirable (and necessary) feature of an apology.
Communicating an
apology varies between relationships because of what is expected by the
individual. Another important factor is the age of the individual and what they
are required to forgive. The communication of an apology's interpretation
either verbally or non-verbally will vary. Apologies are not always meant to be
sincere and may be used for manipulation purposes. Repeated or frequent
apologies can be more offensive than never apologizing.
According
to the book When Sorry Isn't Enough (originally published as The Five Languages of Apology) by Dr. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, there are five languages of apology. We all receive the most sincere apology when one primary
apology language is spoken to us. The five languages of apology are:
Accepting
Responsibility- We can all find explanations for why
we behave badly. "She was pushing my buttons"; "I was running
late"; "She hurt my feelings." Whatever the reason, it doesn't change
the fact that what we did was hurtful to another person. Many of us need to hear admission of responsibility.
Someone could say "I'm sorry I hurt you," but in many cases it's
important to accept responsibility for having caused the hurt too. A phrase
like "I was wrong to yell at you" often expresses the most sincerity.
Expressing
Regret-For most people, an apology needs
to have the words "I'm sorry." For many of us, in order to truly
forgive, we need to see that the person who has injured us regrets what they
have done. This is the most essential of the elements of an apology, but some
people feel it more intensely than others.
Genuinely
Repenting- The word repentance means
"to turn around" or "to change one's mind." An apology
loses its sincerity if you give someone no assurance that you will try not to
make the same mistake again. For some of us, and perhaps depending on the
severity of the offense, a sincere apology requires that the person verbalize
their desire to never hurt you in that way again. We all know that bad habits
can be hard to break. In addition to wanting to change, a plan needs to be made
to ensure success in this area.
Making
Restitution-Sometimes we need to make
restitution to make an apology sincere. A great example is when a child swipes
a toy from another child. The child is not just encouraged to apologize, but to
also return the stolen toy. When you hurt someone’s feelings, restitution is
about reassuring the other person that they are cherished. The damage of
an angry word (or a betrayal) is we believe that if that person truly cared
about us, they would not have done such a hurtful thing.
Requesting
Forgiveness-Requesting that someone free you
from the guilt of your offense is a powerful thing, and will ultimately set
both people free. Asking forgiveness is difficult for the asker because it
means relinquishing control of the fate of the relationship, it means accepting
the possibility of rejection, and it means admitting failure. It's difficult to
forgive because it can often mean giving up a sense of justice. Despite
the difficulty, saying the words "Will you forgive me?" has proven
for many people to be the secret to healing and renewal of relationship.
“An apology is a great way to have the last word.” (Isaac Friedman)[i]
[i] Sources used:
“Apology
(act)” From Wikipedia
“The
5 Ways to Apologize Properly, According to Dr. Gary Chapman”
by MONICA GABRIEL Marshall
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