“You can’t have your cake and eat it too” is
a proverb that means you cannot simultaneously retain your cake and
eat it. Once the cake is eaten, it is gone. The meaning is that there are two desireable choices
that someone wants, but they can’t have both of them because the options
conflict with each other. This figure of speech first appeared in 1546 in John
Heywood’s book called A Dialogue Conteinyng
the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the English Tongue: “Wolde ye
bothe eate your cake, and haue your cake?”
Here are two examples of this proverb (in action): Mike was considering buying a rowing machine so he could become
more active. He wanted a machine that was both high in quality and inexpensive.
His friend advised: “With rowing machines, you can’t do that. If you want
one that’s higher quality, then you’ll also have to pay top dollar for it.”
Josh was offered a promotion at his job that
would earn more money, but if he accepts it he would have to work on the
weekends. He doesn’t want the time he spends on weekends with his friends to
change. His brother told him: “Josh, you have to make a choice. How do you want
to spend your weekends? You can’t have it both ways.”
The above proverb implies the
importance of balance in one’s life. Think about this illustration: a tightrope
walker in a circus is on a rope suspended a few feet above the straw covered
floor. His purpose is to walk the rope from one end to other. He holds a long
bar in his hands to help him maintain his equilibrium. He must do more than
simply walk because on his shoulders rests a chair. In that chair sits a young
woman who is balancing a rod on her forehead, and on top of that rod is a
plate.
If at any time one of the items should start
to drift off balance, he must stop until he can get all of them in perfect
alignment again. The tightrope artist doesn’t begin until all the elements
above him are aligned. Only then does he move forward, carefully, slowly,
across the rope. Life is very much a balancing act, and we are always just a
step away from a fall. We are constantly trying to move forward with our
purpose, to achieve our goals, all the while trying to keep in balance the
various elements of our lives.
If any aspect of our life draws an inconsistent
amount of energy, you have to shortchange the other aspects. That throws you
off, and you are unable to move forward on life’s tightrope until a balance can
be reestablished. It’s important to understand that others cannot do this for you.
No one can live your life for you. Below are some important points to remember
about the pathway to having balance in your life:
·
Acknowledge-Be sure to take some
time to look at your life, your state of mind, and how you’re feeling. Be
honest with yourself and notice the areas of your life that you’re neglecting.
·
Examine-Decide whether want to focus on you
more internally (or externally). Are there life areas that you would like to be
more balanced in.
·
Set Goals-Choose how you want to bring your
life into balance, and make a list.
·
Plan Tasks-Create a list of daily, weekly,
and monthly tasks that you will need to do to achieve each of your goals. What
have you tried in the past? Did it work? If not, what can you do differently?
·
Reflect-What is the most important thing
you’ve accomplished in the past? How did you stay focused toward this goal? How
did you handle your fears, doubts, anxieties, worries, and negative self-talk?
How does it feel to know that you accomplished the goal in spite of these parts
of yourself?
·
Prepare-What is your inner “stuff” that
will try to keep you from sticking to your plan (fears, worries, doubts,
negative self talk)? Can you specify the things you will say to yourself to
push you off track? (For example: “Just one more bite, I’ll start eating better
tomorrow”) Make a list.
·
Empower-What do you need to remember in those
hard times? What are things you can say to that self-sabotaging part of
yourself? Be kind to yourself. Balance won’t feel good if you’re cruel to
yourself in creating it!
·
Connect-Is there a person or a tactic you
can use to keep yourself supported, motivated, and focused in those hard times?
I highly recommend connecting and sharing your inner process with someone. Find
someone who can help you challenge your inner demons, and celebrate your little
accomplishments.
·
Plan-Just like accomplishing any goal in
life, it takes time and effort to overcome your habitual patterns and create
new ones. If you stay on track with this detailed and intentional process for
three whole months, then there is a good chance you will create new habits to
enjoy a more balanced life going forward.
“The more often you decline
invitations to spend time with friends or family because you are too busy with
either work or other activities. The more you should realize that your life is
not in balance.” (Byron Pulsifer)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Reasons You’re Struggling to Find Balance In Life” by Catherine Beard
·
“6 Tips to Create a Balanced Life” By Mark Victor Hansen
·
“How to Create a Balanced Life: 9 Tips to Feel Calm and Grounded” By Jasmin Tanjeloff
·
“How to Get Your Life Back Into Balance” by Centerstone
·
“You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too” by KY Phrase
·
“You can't have your cake and eat it” From Wikipedia
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