When
asked the question: “Do you take care of yourself?” most of us will answer
“yes” — you’d even think, “What kind of question is this? Of course, I care
about myself.” When asked, “In what ways do you take care of yourself?”
Self-care is any activity that you do deliberately in order to take care of your
mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s something you often overlook. Good
self-care is the key to improved mood, reduced anxiety, and a good relationship with
oneself and others.
Knowing
what self-care is not might be even more important. It is not something that you
force yourself to do, or something you don’t enjoy doing. Self-care is
something that refuels you rather than takes from you. Self-care is the key to living a
balanced life. Here are a list of seven things that are useful
examples of good self care, and seven things that fall in the category of poor
self-care:
Self-care: accepting help-Self-care is about setting yourself up to
succeed in your life, and sometimes that means admitting that you can't do
everything by yourself. It can also sometimes mean being real, and not trying
to achieve perfection. And once you accept help, don't forget to show your
genuine appreciation. Creating and maintaining "connections with those
around you," (when possible), is a bonus example of self-care in action.
Not self-care: trying to impress people by overextending yourself-Self-care is not
about pleasing everyone. Many women do this without even realizing it at the
expense of their own health and happiness. It's a common mistake for caretakers
and people-pleasers to be too focused on the needs of others at the expense of
attending to their own needs. Not only is overextending yourself for others not
helpful to you.
It can be bad for all
parties in the end. In addition to the stress of being in a helping role, these
over-givers often have habits that undermine their efforts at self-care and
increase their susceptibility to compassion fatigue making them less able to be
giving in the end.
Self-care: getting enough rest and relaxation-Rest and relaxation
are part of a good self-care routine. Getting enough sleep (seven to eight
hours) is vital. In addition to doing daily relaxation exercises whether it's
taking a walk or spending 30 minutes unwinding. The idea is that you want to
get the kind of rest that relaxes and recharges you.
Come up with regular
break rituals for yourself, so you can avoid ever getting tired or stressed to
the point where you might have a verbal blow up. When you wait until that big
vacation or for stress to let up, you miss daily opportunities to take short
breaks to regroup your brain and body.
Not self-care: zoning out in front of TV then sleeping late-Imagine you're
coming home at the end of what feels like a very long, busy day, at the end of
a long, busy week. If you weren't able to take regular breaks to decompress and
rest, you might be feeling absolutely exhausted by whatever it is life and work
have been throwing at you. It may feel tempting to just shut down your brain in
front of TV by totally zoning out, and only peeling yourself off the couch in
time to roll exhausted under the covers, way after bedtime.
Does this seem recharging
to you? The next morning you'll either have to wake up at a normal hour and
function on too-little sleep, or you'll get to sleep late, and lose the
productive morning hours of your day. Rather than zoning out via TV or the
Internet to escape stress and exhaustion, a healthy unwinding activity, like
reading in the bath, and then going to bed on time to get enough rest, might
serve you much better in the end.
Self-care: dressing in a way that makes you feel good-Dress for success.
Dress to impress. Dress for the job you want. The clothes make the person.
There's no question that having good grooming habits and dressing well are
generally thought to be makers of high functionality in our society. Spending
time on feeling good about yourself is a way to express that you value yourself
to both you and the rest of the world.
Doing things to show
yourself and others that you believe you are worthy, is a major component of
self-care. But she also reminded me that, While feeling good and being
confident about your appearance is very important to your overall health and
well-being, physical self-care is one aspect of your overall self-care, which
includes caring for your mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual health. Finding
a healthy balance is one of the best self-care strategies.
Not self-care: engaging in "retail therapy" without any regards
to your budget-Dressing
yourself so that you feel well-groomed and confident is a great example of
self-care. There's a difference between putting on your best pressed suit or
dress when you want to feel like a boss, and going out to buy things you don't
need, and racking up credit card debt.
If you are living a
goods life, you will have a harder time getting to what the good life, which is
a life characterized by positive relationships, healthy behaviors, gratitude,
and mindfulness. Shopping therapy comes with baggage even if you do have the
money to be constantly buying yourself new stuff. Debt is a major contributor
to stress problems so unnecessarily digging yourself in deeper is not a good
self-care strategy. Shopping can be an unhealthy coping mechanism like
overindulging in drinking, eating, pills, or sex.
Self-care: allowing yourself an occasional treat -Deciding what
self-care really is and isn't often has a lot to do with what your normal
habits are. Are you generally quite mindful about the kind of food you put in
your body? Eating veggies and fruits at most every meal and staying away from
too much processed junk? Then you may want to grant yourself a little
flexibility and have an occasional treat especially if it's part of a social
occasion.
If you frequently use
sugar as a coping mechanism, reinforcing that negative habit may not serve you.
When it comes to self-care, treating yourself means treating yourself well not
with foods that leave you feeling guilty. So ask yourself how the treat in
question will make you feel, and remember that wisdom that the best healthy
diets are the ones you can stick to — those that allow for a bit of
flexibility.
Not self-care: frequent mindless snacking on foods that will make
you feel worse-While
an occasional treat won't wreck your health, bingeing on sugar or frequent
overindulgence in food... only provide temporary relief and can spur on more
problems like obesity, ill health, and addiction.
So while eating half
a tray of brownies might make you feel better in the moment, it's not real
self-care, because after-the-fact you'll probably feel worse than you did, not
better. So any time you're making choices about what kind of self-soothing
activity you might want to engage in, consider if it will help or hurt your
wellbeing.
Self-care: scheduling time for exercise-The more you move your body, the
better. Getting out in nature and breathing, while moving, and ideally, working
up a sweat is vital for your health. Not only will making room in your schedule
for regular exercise keep your body healthy, in many cases it's been shown to
be as effective as pharmaceuticals in managing mood, anxiety, and depression.
Select aerobic
activities, such as running, biking or swimming, that trigger the release of
'feel good' neurochemicals. You can also use exercise as a way to zone out and
relax your mind — "as a distraction" from other, less-enriching
zoning-out methods, like mindless snacking or TV-watching.
What's a good example
of exercise as self care? Going to the gym after a tough morning with your
toddler or a nerve-racking day at work so that you can release stress, clear
your mind, give yourself an energy boost, take care of your body and your mind
to help you feel grounded, happy and healthy.
Not self-care: pushing yourself past your limits in the name of
appearance-Have
you read any of the recent media debating whether or not millennials are the
new Victorians or puritans? The thought is that today's young adult generation
is romanticizing "virtuous behaviors," the way the strict Victorian
and puritan cultures did, through intense lifestyle choices like marathon
running, the raw food movement, or juice fasts. So while frequent, even daily,
exercise is an important part of self-care, too much might be
counter-productive.
Self-care is not
jumping from one fad diet to the next or obsessively working out in an effort
to create a chiseled body. Exercise as self-care works when it's about feeling
good, healthy, and self-confident, not when it's about heading to the gym with
the sole intention of burning off the four donuts you treated yourself to at
work.
Self-care: making time with a friend-Humans are social beings. While liking your
alone time is normal, no person is an island. Building and maintaining
positive, nurturing, reciprocal relationships is a crucial form of adaptive
self-care. These qualities are important in your relationships with your family
(chosen or biological), but it's also important to cultivate these qualities in
key friendships as well.
At a certain point in
life, juggling career, family, and children can leave you feeling like you
don't have time for your friends. Don't fall into the trap of letting key
friendships fall to the side. Make the time for relationships that help you
grow with people who are also committed to growth and well-being.
Not self-care: going out all the time at the expense of other
things important to you-Making
time for friends and fun is definitely crucial, but if you find yourself going
out constantly at the expense of any of your other self-care routines,
responsibilities, or budget, then maybe you should ask yourself if there's
something you're avoiding.
If you find your
budget, being negatively affected by constant socializing, then it's crossed
over into maladaptive overindulgence, and overindulgence is not a word that
mixes well with self-care. Mindfulness has become 'the new kale' for good
reason. It's not just a fad. This is age old wisdom that helps you focus on the
present and work towards a non-judgmental stance helps you absorb life in new
ways. If you find yourself practicing avoidance, or trying to deal with stress
through overindulgence, a mindfulness or meditation practice could be the way
to go.
Self-care: setting healthy boundaries with needy people in your life-You've definitely
heard the insight that learning how to say "no" is a crucial skill
for the over-burdened. Self-care is about setting emotional boundaries that
protect your health and well-being, and saying no to people in your life who
try to drag you into their sea of despair or dysfunctional relationships that are
unwilling to help themselves. (This includes family and not just friends.)
Not self-care: retreating from positive relationships and
isolating yourself-While
setting healthy boundaries is pivotal to maintaining your health and sanity,
there is the potential to go too far, and start to isolate you from meaningful
relationships. Life is challenging and you can't maintain optimal health if you
are isolated. Isolation is becoming a risk of today because of increased
demands and technology.
Self-care is facing
your reality and believing in yourself and your ability to handle what is yours.
This could include devoting extra time
and energy to your partner... or seeking support from trusted friends or a
therapist. Self-care is not about being everyone's best friend. Remember, you
have to give love and care to receive love and care from others, so while
setting boundaries is good totally retreating from social life and your support
network is not a good idea.
“Some things are just better not spread too thin:
yourself and peanut butter.” (www.overthemuffintop.com)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“7
things that are good examples of self-care and 7 things that aren't” By Cammy
Pedroja
·
“Self-Care:
12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself” by Tchiki Davis
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