Attention seeking behavior is defined as the act of seeking recognition and the subconscious attempt of becoming the center of attraction in social gatherings. Human beings are the most “social animals” on planet Earth. Of our social instincts, craving attention seems to be among the most important. Attention seeking instincts develop in the early years of life. As babies, others need to feed us, change our clothing, protect us, and take care of us.
The attention-hungry child in us never grows up. We just learn how to behave in “adult society”. We change our external behaviors when we realize that the “adult world” works differently. It does not give us the recognition we earlier had as a child. You have to keep increasing your efforts to gain love and to be valued as you age. Life is all about the connections that we forge with our fellow human beings, and we thrive off interaction with others. We all want and need a certain degree of attention.
Have you ever exaggerated a situation in order to gain someone’s sympathy, help, or even just their time? Have you said something that you don’t really mean just to provoke a reaction even if that reaction is an angry one? Most of us, can easily detect such behaviour in others and know how frustrating and exasperating it can be. If you have, even if you’ve not been entirely conscious of it, you’ve exhibited attention seeking behaviour. If you’re prone to attention seeking behaviour, you probably know it deep down, but aren’t that keen to admit it.
As
an adult, you should not be needing approval from others on your actions. If
you’re doing things keeping people in your mind all the time, it’s going to
drain you out. The need for love and the need to be accepted might turn you
into a person with low self-esteem. Below are common reasons behind attention-seeking behavior:
Childhood
Loneliness-Often, children
feel emotionally abandoned when their guardians or relatives
don’t pay enough attention. It can also happen that a child has been pampered
to the extent that they can no longer live without constant attention even
after they’ve grown up. These two polar opposite circumstances give rise to the
same problem: a chronic hunger for attention whether it be abandonment,
difficulty in communication or spoiled pampering, it eventually creates an
appetite for more and more attention.
Peer Pressure-Be it at work or social
gatherings, we’re almost always surrounded by peers. These people can influence
our subconscious depending on how we position ourselves in front of them. When
we find our peers getting more attention than us, we tend to get envious and
subconsciously start desiring the same level of attention for ourselves.
Prolonged exposure to such emotions creates an addictive instinct that drives
us to become a center of attraction.
Social
Media Usage-We live in an era of social media when the digital platform is
booming at a rapid rate. The social media revolution has brought about
tremendous changes in the mindset of people. Since social media platforms
generate the feeling recognition and fame, it automatically develops the desire
for attention. Chronic usage can turn a person from a social animal to a
gluttonous seeker for attention.
How does attention
seeking behavior affect you?
If you are
the attention seeker, it affects your energy level and social image-The
seekers themselves have to expend a lot of energy to gain an absurd level of
attention. This results in emotional exhaustion, often followed by frustration
and desperation. This, in turn, steals all the productivity and precious times
which they could have used for better pursuits. People are not fools. Sooner or
later, they realize what the seeker is up to, and start talking behind their
back. They make fun of them and look down upon them, thus ruining their social
reputation.
If you are
the victim, it creates psychological uneasiness-Both in terms of
emotion and psyche. There arises a sense of unease when interacting with an
attention seeker. The listener might not realize it, but they have already been
infected by the toxicity coming from the attention seeker. All of a sudden,
you’ll feel used and manipulated in front of an attention seeker. You’ll feel
as if you’re drawn close to them whenever they’re in need of attention and then
pushed away in the very next moment.
Here are the five best ways to deal with an attention seeker:
Be
forward in telling them why you are not interested in talking to them. Let
others be aware of it, too-Attention
seekers often don’t realize how bad they look to anyone who isn’t them, and
often don’t realize how off-putting it is. It may hurt them, and they may
complain about having you not talk to them, but the fact of the matter is that
you’re stop ing their bad behavior. Since you’re open about refusing dealing
with them, it’s not like they can spread rumors about things they did to you
either. At best, you may actually get them to tone it down.
Ignore them-This
is the absolutely last thing an attention seeking wants you to
do, which is why it works so well. If you don’t acknowledge them, attention
seekers will usually give up on getting close to you. They will move to other
targets that may be easier to get to.
Jokingly tell them
to stop- Sometimes,
a subtle message works, but only if it’s done to a person who understands it.
When an attention seeker is becoming a bit too awkward with the constant ploys
to get people talking about them, a simple joke about how they’re being
attention seekers might be the way to get them to stop. Obviously, you will at
times have to deal with people who want attention no matter what you’re doing.
As long as you do your best to keep your distance, you should be alright.
Pull
a slow fade-Stay
cordial, but stop answering their calls and texts. Tell them that you’re busy.
After a while, most attention seekers will stop trying to talk to you and
involve you in whatever drama they got themselves into.
Set
boundaries, and stick to them-For
obvious reasons, attention seekers are often the first ones to ignore
boundaries, the first ones to pressure you into inviting them to a party, and
the first ones to namedrop you if you’re in a position of power. If you don’t
want to be mean to the attention seeker, a good way to deal with this is by
setting boundaries.
Tell them to stop, and if they do it again, tell them
you’ve told them before, and that you are no longer dealing with them. If they
try to beg for forgiveness, don’t allow it. By showing that you won’t tolerate
their behavior, they either will shape up and realize they’re being jerks, or
be left without your company.
“Out of all the
addictions in the world, attention is slowly but surely becoming one of the
most dangerous.”
(Saahil Prem) [i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“9 Examples of
Attention-Seeking Behavior in Adults to Be Wary Of “by A Conscious Rethink
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