"To throw (someone) under the bus" is a cliche meaning to betray a friend or ally for selfish reasons. It is typically used to describe a self-defensive disavowal and severance of a previously-friendly relationship when the relationship becomes controversial, unpopular, or inconvenient. Implied by this phrase is to intentionally reveal damaging or unflattering information about another's character while at the same time the speaker is trying to make themself look good, innocent in the eyes of the listener, or to shift blame or attention in a cowardly way.
The earliest known usage of this phrase was 21 June 1982, when Julian Critchley of The Times (London) wrote "President Galtieri had pushed her under the bus which the gossips had said was the only means of her removal." In a March 2008 National Public Radio (NPR) report, the linguist Geoff Nunberg noted that "under the bus" "has appeared in more than 400 press stories on the campaign over the last six months". It seems possible that the expression throw/push/shove someone under the bus comes from Britain in the late 1970s or early 1980s.
Unfair criticism comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it shows up in your annual performance review when the boss rates you as failing to meet expectations in an area of performance where you had no idea you were falling short. Other times it shows up when a colleague criticizes you in an effort to deflect attention from his/her own shortcomings. Regardless of the cause or circumstance, unfair criticism hurts. It erodes trust between people, causes rifts in relationships, and stymies effective teamwork. You can’t control when you get thrown under the bus, but you can choose how to respond. Here are eight tips on how to respond to unfair criticism:
1. Remember that your response shapes your reputation –Take the high road
and respond with integrity, empathy, and professionalism. Don’t let someone
else’s unprofessional behavior goad you into responding in kind. Trusted
leaders know that at the end of the day all they have is their integrity.
2. Don’t react defensively – Defensiveness only
escalates the situation and lends weight to the unjustified criticism. Getting
passionately fired up and gives emotional control to the accuser and
limits your ability to respond rationally and thoughtfully.
3. Listen to understand; not to defend – Our most common
instinct when you experience unfair criticism is to zero in on the
fallacies of the other person’s comments and formulate a response to defend
ourselves. Instead, resist the urge to focus on the micro elements of what’s
being communicated and focus on the macro implications of the criticism. Even
if the specific accusations of the criticism are off-base, there may be things
you can learn and benefit from if you consider the broader message.
4. Acknowledge any truth that is present – Agreeing with any
valid part of the criticism is a way to acknowledge you’re hearing the feedback
without agreeing to the entirety of what’s being communicated or beating
yourself up over the situation. Sometimes there is a kernel of truth
present and it may be an opportunity for you to learn something new about
yourself or the other person. If there are elements of the criticism that are
blatantly not true, state your differences in a respectful and professional way
without getting into a debate parsing the details.
5. Consider the source –If the person
delivering the criticism is prone to dramatization, criticizing others, being
egotistical, or other unpredictable behavioral patterns, then you have more
evidence to discredit their feedback. However, if the person delivering the
criticism is known as a steady, stable, trustworthy professional who has been
personally supportive of you in the past, you should take stock of their
feedback and explore it further.
6. Probe for root causes – What’s being
communicated in the unfair criticism is often symptoms of a deeper issue. When
you encounter criticism, ask open-ended questions or statements like “Tell me
more…,” “Explain why that’s important to you…,” or “What’s the impact of that?”
Asking a series of “why?” questions can also help you discover the root cause
of the issue.
7. Understand their world – It’s helpful to
understand the other person’s motivation for being unfairly critical. Is
the person unhappy, stressed, insecure, frustrated, or vying for power or
control? Is there a significant amount of change happening in the organization?
Organizational change brings out the critics and unfair
criticism increases dramatically. Criticizing and blaming others is a
defense mechanism to deal with the fear of being asked to change. Even
though you’re the target, remember that unfair criticism is often more about
them than you.
8. Remember that you are more than the criticism – It’s easy to get
down on yourself when you experience criticism from your colleagues. Most
people strive to perform well and do what’s right, and when you have a
boss or colleague criticize your efforts it hurts deeply. Depending on your
personality and emotional make up, it may lead to anger, bitterness, stress,
resentment, self-doubt, and pity just to name a few. Remember that this too
shall pass, and in the big scheme of things this is probably just a small thing.
Keep focused on all the positive things in your life such as the people
you love, those who love you, the successes you’re having at work, the joy you
experience from your hobbies, your spiritual faith, and the support of your
family and friends.
” The only way to avoid criticism is to do
nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” (Elbert
Hubbard)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
5
Ways to Cope When You Have Been Thrown Under the Bus” by Tamara Mendelson
·
“Throw under
the bus” From Wikipedia
·
“Thrown
Under the Bus? 8 Tips on Dealing with Unfair Criticism” by Leading with
Trust
·
“Thrown under the bus” by Urban Dictionary
·
www.npr.org
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