If you attend church, at some point you will leave it (whether it’s through death, moving to another city, or deciding to try a different church). Leaving a local church congregation can be a difficult decision to make. At times, a crossroad to spiritual growth like this is needed in one’s life. It’s not easy to leave a church that you used to cherish (or maybe still care for). If you are facing this dilemma, here are some points to consider:
1. Don’t demonize your
previous church or idealize a new church-People
tend to make one of two mistakes when they go to a new church: (Mistake #1)
picking a church that’s exactly like the one they left. (Mistake #2) picking a
church that’s the opposite of the one they left. Neither of those extremes is
healthy. It’s understandable that someone might pick a church that’s entirely
different from the one they left. If you push it too far you may be trading one
set of problems for another (and very unfamiliar) set of problems. On the other
hand, if the church you’re going to is virtually the same as the one you’re
leaving, why not stay put and work things through?
2. Don’t get busy at
another church too fast (or too slow)-An object in motion tends to stay in motion (and
busy people tend to stay busy).An object at rest tends to stay at rest (and
busy people who stop being busy can stall out). It’s a difficult balance. Be
careful not to fall into either trap. Don’t jump into the first church you
find, over-idealize it, and then overcommit again. Take some time to rest,
recharge and reflect. But don’t make the mistake of allowing a time of rest to
become a habit of laziness, or letting a time of reflection become a lifestyle
of entitlement.
3. Don’t separate
yourself from healthy Christian relationships-If you’ve been heavily involved in a church for many years, it’s not
just a place where you sit for an hour on Sunday mornings. It’s a big part of
your spiritual, social, economic and emotional life. Remember, the church is
not a building, a denomination or an institution.
It’s
people that love Jesus and each other. So even if you have to leave a specific
congregation, don’t make the mistake of disconnecting yourself from healthy
relationships with fellow believers. As you negotiate the challenge of finding
a new church home, those relationships will be more important than ever. In
fact, maintaining healthy relationships with other believers is probably the
most significant determiner of whether-or-not you’ll find a new, healthy church
home or drift away from Christian fellowship – and maybe from the faith –
entirely. We need each other.
4. Leave cleanly and
kindly-If it’s time to leave, do so
with the right spirit. It will be better for everyone including you and the
people you leave behind. It’s hard when good people leave a church they love.
It’s harder on everyone when they leave a mess behind them as they go. So
please, talk to the people who need to know what’s happening (which may or may
not include the pastor, depending on the size of the church or the leadership
environment), but avoid gossiping on your way out the door.
5. Leave for the right
reasons-I don’t intend to give a list of
good reasons to leave a church. I’ll leave that to each person, their
conscience, and their circumstances. Some of them might include a church that’s
moving toward unbiblical theology, unhealthy leadership, or dysfunctional
relationships.
6. Reconnect with a
healthy church-It’s so easy to stay
disconnected, but so dangerous to do so. It’s not enough to say “I hang out
with some of my Christian friends occasionally.” It’s definitely not enough to
watch church podcasts. Whether it means going to a brick-and-mortar church, a
house church, or meeting in some other format, if we hope to stay spiritually
passionate, emotionally connected, and maturing in our faith we need to connect
with fellow believers on a regular basis.
Our
church experience needs to impact our schedule at least weekly. It needs to
include purposeful times of worship, fellowship, communion, ministry, and
discipleship. Anything less isn’t church. Anything more is personal preference.
We need Jesus. We need to be with others who love Jesus, and other people who
love Jesus need to be with you.
7. Rediscover Jesus-More and more, people are saying that they aren’t
leaving the institutional church because they’re leaving Jesus. They’re leaving
to find Jesus again. No matter what you may have experienced from other
Christians or in a difficult church environment never take your eyes off Jesus.
People who have committed to a congregation for decades haven’t had 100 percent
smooth sailing.
They’ve
learned to outlive the bad times and stay anchored to Jesus. I’ve been deeply
damaged by bad church experiences. But I’ve stayed in the church (sometimes
changing congregations, sometimes staying put), not because the church is
perfect, but because I need to be with others who are just as imperfect in their
attempts to follow Jesus as I am.
8. Talk it over first-If you’re considering leaving a church, talk to the
leaders and your church friends before making your final decision. Some
misunderstandings can be rectified easily if it is brought to light earlier.
Constructive conversations with people can happen while frustration levels are
small. This keeps good people in the church body with a renewed sense of
hopefulness. If the church is healthy enough that those conversations are
possible, it’s healthy enough to fight for.
“Sometimes we get hurt by
specific people in the church but if we allow those people to make us bitter
towards the body. Satan claims a victory.” (Natalie Snapp)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Things to Do Before Leaving Your Church” by Thabiti
Anyabwile
·
“8
Principles to Consider Before Leaving A Church You (Used To) Love” by Karl Vaters
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