To accuse someone of being disrespectful is in itself an act of judging one person’s actions (or words) more inappropriate than that of another. We can’t live by the phrase “criticize critical people” without being hypocritical ourselves. A complete ban on disrespect is impractical. Disrespect is going to happen. How do we deal with it?
We can learn a lot from conversations where we don't agree if we can listen, and talk rationally. Many of us either shy away completely from disagreements or lose our temper when things don't go our way. Respect goes beyond difficult conversations. Helpfulness and consideration towards others establishes a foundation for those times when you might disagree with others. These five tips can help keep disagreements respectful no matter who you’re communicating to:
1.
Avoid putting
down the other person's beliefs: If you've ever
been on the receiving end of someone's tirade, you know how valuable using
respectful language and behavior can be. So instead of saying what you might be
thinking try: "I don't agree, and here's why." Resist the temptation
to yell, use sarcasm, or make derogatory comments and you'll have a much better
chance of getting your point across.
2.
Don't make it
personal: If you get upset, it can help to remember you're mad at the
idea the individual is raising, and not the person.
3.
Listen to the
other point of view: Being a good listener is a way of
showing that you respect and understand the other person's perspective. That
makes it more likely he or she will do the same for you. When the other person
is talking, try to stop yourself from thinking about why you disagree or what
you'll say next. Instead, focus on what's being said. When it's your turn to
talk, repeat any key points the other person made to show you listened and
heard what was said. Then calmly present your case and why you disagree.
4.
Stay calm:
This is the most important thing you can do to keep a conversation on track. Of
course, it's a huge challenge to stay calm and rational when you feel angry or
passionate about something. Especially if the person you're talking to gets
heated. You may need to be the mature one who manages the conversation, even if
the other person is a parent or someone who should know better.
5.
Use
"I" statements to communicate how you feel, what you think, and what
you want or need: Using "you" statements can sound argumentative.
For example, telling your mom or dad, "You always remind me about my
chores on Wednesdays when you know I have a lot of homework" has a very
different tone from "I'm feeling pressured because I have a lot of homework
tonight. Can I do those chores tomorrow?"
“Our culture has accepted two huge
lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear
or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with
everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise
convictions to be compassionate.” (Rick Warren)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Ways to (Respectfully) Disagree” Reviewed by D'Arcy Lyness
·
“How
to Be Disrespectful Respectfully” by Jeremy E Sherman
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