Monday, August 13, 2018

The Power

“Love is when you give someone else the power to destroy you, and you trust them not to do it.”  (E. Lockhart)

“Trust is Power” is Duracell’s newest TV slogan. It reminds us the world is full of things you can't trust. Duracell is an alkaline battery that will always make you glad that it's on your side. Duracell is a trustworthy power when you’re energizing all your important gadgets.  oFull SizeoSmalloPreviewoThumbnailTrust is power, and there’s no power you can trust like Duracell. 

 Most of us agree that trust is a needed and powerful foundation on which to build our life. How can we create more trustful relationships with those we are closest to? Honesty is a key component of a healthy relationship.  Every human being has his (or her) own unique perception of the world.

What can we do to be more trustful, and promote a powerful atmosphere of honesty around us?  Below are 5 essential answers to this question:

 
1.   Accept your partner as a separate personNo matter how connected we may feel to someone else we will always be two separate people with two independent minds. If our partner doesn’t see things the same way we do, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lying. It just means that we are two people who observe the world from different perspectives. The more we accept this reality, the more comfortable we can feel in accepting that we won’t agree on everything.

 

By being honest with each other, we can know and accept each other for who we actually are, not who we want each other to be. We can support each other for the things that make us who we are that light us up and give our lives meaning. This steady flow of give and take, this willingness to be truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable, helps establish trust in each other and the relationship.

 

An open exchange, no matter how hard it may feel, really does set us free; we can accept that we are two individuals who choose to be together despite our differences. Most important, when we make this choice, we can rest assured that it’s because we really love each other and not just because we are drawn to the fantasy of being together.

 
2.   Be honest about your feelingsNot everything we feel in a relationship will be wonderful. Yet being honest with someone we love doesn’t mean we have to be hurtful. Sharing life with someone means that we are bound to notice some of their negative tendencies that get in the way of our feelings of closeness. When we aren’t open about what we feel, we may grow cynical. Instead of being overly critical, we should aim to be vulnerable in exposing what we feel.

 

 We can say things like, “I miss you when you work all the time," or, "I feel less attracted to you when you try to control what we do together.” These honest, direct statements may feel uncomfortable at times, but they come from a place of openness that can actually lead to more intimacy.

 

3.   Be open to feedbackJust as we should be direct, we should be open to hearing honesty directed toward us. We should always be willing to listen and to see things from their point of view. What are they trying to tell us about how they are feeling toward us? Rather than argue every small detail, we should look for truth in what our partner tells us.

 

 It’s important not to be defensive, reactive, or punishing for feedback. If we fall apart when we hear criticism, then we emotionally manipulate our partner, and encourage them to deceive us in the future. Having a partner who feels comfortable to open up to us is the best-case scenario for having an honest relationship in which we can both develop ourselves.

 

4.   Know yourself and your intentionsTo be honest with someone else, we must know ourselves. We have to understand what we really think and feel about the world around us. Very often in life we are either influenced by or conforming to a series of rules  imposed on us by the culture within our family of origin. We may get married because everyone our age is doing it.

 

It’s important to differentiate ourselves from harmful influences  that don’t reflect who we are and what we want. When we are true to ourselves, we are better able to be honest with the people around us. We are less likely to just tell people what they want to hear or try to cover up things about ourselves of which we feel ashamed.

 

5.   Make your actions match your wordsThings like saying “I love you” or doing certain things together become a matter of routine instead of lively choices that emerge from how we really feel. When we form an illusion that replaces real, loving ways of relating, we often begin to feel distant t. We may start making excuses for pulling away or we may still talk of being in love while not engaging in behaviors that show love.

 

To avoid this dishonest way of relating, it’s important to always act with integrity and to make our actions match our words. If we say we are in love, we should engage in behaviors toward our partner that someone else would observe as loving. 

 

We should spend real, quality time with our partner, in which we slow down and make contact. We should show our feelings, not just in words but through our body language. Saying “I love you,” while grimacing or sighing at every move our partner makes, is not an expression of love that matches what we supposedly feel.

 
 “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.”  (Elizabeth Gilbert)[i]



[i] Sources used:

·        “5 Ways to Build Trust and Honesty in Your Relationship” by Lisa Firestone

·        “Duracell Demonstrates That Trust is Power in New Brand Campaign” by Business Wire

·        “Power You Can Trust In Situations You Most Definitely Can't” by Duracell
 

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