The most challenging friendship you will ever have is to truly know who you are inside. Your life will be filled with emotional ups and downs, transitions, challenges, and triumphs. We will learn from our experiences so that our lives will be better, healthier, and more meaningful. Having an intimate friendship with another person is perhaps the second-most-challenging friendship any of us will ever have. Not only are we being asked to keep up the work of making sure we live our own life to its fullest potential. We are now challenged to incorporate another human being into a friendship.
You can imagine how complex and difficult it is to create an experience that is healthy, honest, respectful, inclusive, joyful, and loving, and that values and promotes individual expression and personal growth for both friends. Although intimacy, friendship, familiarity, connection, and safety are hallmarks of a successful friendship, Our friendships are precious to us, and deserve all the care we can give the. Below are ways to keep them protected for many years:
1.
You are able to let
things go and move on: Life is all about
change and transition. Nothing stays still or the same, as much as we may
sometimes want it to because it makes us feel more secure and safe. Inevitably,
the twists and turns of life will find their way into each and every friendship,
and as friends, we need to find a way through to the next part of the journey.
Although we may be disappointed, frustrated,
or even traumatized by what life has thrown at us, a loving, healthy friendship
teaches us that by standing together and moving forward together we will
successfully reach what waits for us on the other side. Unity provides
strength and balance.
2.
You share major life
decisions and choices: Problems will inevitably arise
during a friendship, but no one friend should call all or most of the
shots. Rather than feel frustrated and angry when problems arise; it’s
important to keep in mind that part of the commitment to a friendship is
getting over your personal feelings and expectations in order to work out a
solution that's in the best interest of both friends.
In fact, it often takes two to get the right
compromise, the right balance, drawing upon each person’s previous knowledge,
experience, and wisdom. Learning how to give and take is an important
process in problem-solving. But above all, each friend should
contribute equally to making major decisions and choices.
3.
You trust each other
without question: Trust means that you believe that your friend
has what it takes to weather the storms of life and come through them standing
by your side. Trust implies the unshakable confidence that no matter what happens, your friend
will remain loyal to you and the friendship will honor their commitments,
will not lie, and will remain open to working out whatever difficulties
arise.
4.
You share like or
similar values: Ideally, you’re on the same page about
key life issues, family values, religious and spiritual life, even politics. Having a similar way of looking at life
creates a shorthand way to relate to each on important issues. That’s not to
say that people from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, and ideologies
can’t be your friend. These differences may take more time to understand
and work out, but that’s totally possible when friends value each other enough
to make the friendship work.
5.
You encourage healthy
communication and dialogue: You feel free
and comfortable to say what’s on your mind. It should not be expected that you
and your friend will agree on everything, so it’s essential to keep your
communication straightforward and honest—not critical or judgmental, and not
shaming or blaming. You really “listen” to what your friend is saying, not just
the words, but the way they express their emotions and feelings, and their
behaviors and actions.
6.
You value and respect
each other’s individuality and boundaries: We are all
different. Our individual differences should never be seen as being “less
than” someone else’s, but as opportunities to gain a new perspective. A healthy
friendship nurtures and embraces each of our special qualities. Be wary of friendships
that attempt to control you; that try to squash your individuality because it
threatens a friend when you don’t see things their way; or that put
you down because are too independent.
Be
wary of a friend who tries to make you be just like them because that is the
only way they are comfortable in a friendship. In a healthy friendship
you respect your friend’s boundaries. You give each other the space you need
away from the friendship to be alone and to pursue your own interests.
7.
You participate in
each other’s learning and growth: Each of us is a
mirror for the other. We learn from the feelings and behaviors of our friends.
Gaining new perspectives through other’s lives enhances the quality of our own.
A friendship is a win-win situation. Our friends interests may serve as fertile
ground for our own new learning and growth. As our friends grows so do
we.
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect,
you can like them for who they are.”
(Donald Miller)[i]
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