Assuming someone will never change
(based on past performance) isn’t fair to that person. Human beings are
unpredictable, and they can always bring the element of surprise at any time. A person can have all the brainpower in
the world to be successful, but hanging on to wrong assumptions about life is
what keeps them from thriving. Being smart has to do with creative thinking,
problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. Here’s a rundown of the mental
processes that intelligent individuals don’t
assume:
1.
Assuming e-ready status every minute of the day: We all feel the pull of technology, but
for the sake of your mental health we need to turn it off sometimes. Smart
people know that having a fulfilling life means having a life outside work, and
making time for others. Obsessively checking work e-mail at the dinner table is
a good recipe for disaster.
Stuff happens and sometimes the family will have to
suffer for the sake of work, but these instances should be few and not a way of
life. Being glued to your iPhone at family dinners or daytrips isn’t a good practice.
Too much connection can lead to more stress because it seems
to be never ending. Set some time where your iPhone is off, and your attention
is on the people you care about the most (that are right in front of you).
2.
Assuming it's okay to skip the gym because you don’t have
time/hate it: There are actually two points crammed into one here.
Exercise for physical health is a smart move; and well-rounded people know
that. They don’t just go to the gym, and they're not just active because they
should be.
They do physical
activities they love during their downtime, and they build it into their
schedules. That makes exercise something to look forward to, and not to dread.
3.
Assuming that being wrong is a failure: The wisdom here is that if people never
took chances, nothing would ever get done. But if you push it a step further,
the sentiment becomes even more valuable: Smart people don’t fear being wrong
because they know that being wrong is ultimately an instrument that pushes them
closer to being right.
When you’re testing new relationships, you have to know
what works and what doesn’t. The best way to know what doesn’t is to fail a few
times. You might not have the no-fear attitude innately. If you’re aware of and admire the value in it, you can
build it up like a skill and then it becomes a part of you.
4.
Assuming that de-stressing is for wimps: De-stressing is a non-negotiable in this age of the twenty-four
hour workday. If you don’t take time to de-stress your brain, something’s going
to break mentally or physically.
Successful people build time for de-stressing into their
lives. So, mediate, run, walk, do yoga, swim, write, knit, dance, take a long
drive. Whatever it is that allows your brain to relax and reboot, make sure you
do it at least once a day.
5.
Assuming that everything is about you: We all love to personalize what goes on
in our worlds, but smart people don’t
make the assumption that everything is about them. Many of us obsess over rejections,
and what could have been done differently.
It’s more
productive to realize that every disappointment is not actually about you. Successful people realize that
every little thing (bad or good) is not a reflection of them or their self
worth. So try not to take the little things, at least, so personally. (Your ego
will thank you.)
6.
Assuming that you're smarter than everyone else: Smart people know they can always improve upon themselves, and they always
embrace the opportunity to do so. They never assume they are the smartest
people in the room. That sort of assumption is really just contempt in disguise.
It leads to undervaluing and underestimating relationships.
Smart people assume that they can
learn something from anyone, and they provide others with opportunities to tell
their experiences and knowledge that will enrich every one’s perspective.”
7.
Assuming therapy is a waste of time: Anyone who had painful childhoods should
deal with these things in therapy. The fallout of not getting to the bottom of
your stuff can affect not only your personal life, but your professional life
as well. Not only do successful people not fear therapy, they embrace it.
When successful people choose not to deal with issues,
the result is often addiction, marital problems, and self-sabotage. The only
way you can become your best self is to get the bottom of problems that are
blocking you. Most negative cycles that people are in are unconscious. You ever
hear someone say, ‘I just don’t know why ____ keeps happening’? Well, that’s
because they are stuck in an unconscious negative pattern of behaviors and they
can’t see it (because it’s unconscious).
Successful people
recognize that there’s a challenge, and turn to psychotherapy to help them
break it. Psychotherapy is a tool that creates success. Smart people use it.
“Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to
ask questions, and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as
clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just
this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. “(Don Miguel Ruiz)[i]
[i] Adapted from: “7 Assumptions Smart People Never
Make” by Alice G.
Walton
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