Saturday, November 4, 2017

No Evidence

Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble.” (Lemony Snicket)

Assuming someone will never change (based on past performance) isn’t fair to that person. Human beings are unpredictable, and they can always bring the element of surprise at any time. A person can have all the brainpower in the world to be successful, but hanging on to wrong assumptions about life is what keeps them from thriving. Being smart has to do with creative thinking, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. Here’s a rundown of the mental processes that intelligent individuals don’t assume:

1.   Assuming e-ready status every minute of the day: We all feel the pull of technology, but for the sake of your mental health we need to turn it off sometimes. Smart people know that having a fulfilling life means having a life outside work, and making time for others. Obsessively checking work e-mail at the dinner table is a good recipe for disaster.

Stuff happens and sometimes the family will have to suffer for the sake of work, but these instances should be few and not a way of life. Being glued to your iPhone at family dinners or daytrips isn’t a good practice.

Too much connection can lead to more stress because it seems to be never ending. Set some time where your iPhone is off, and your attention is on the people you care about the most (that are right in front of you).

2.   Assuming it's okay to skip the gym because you don’t have time/hate it: There are actually two points crammed into one here. Exercise for physical health is a smart move; and well-rounded people know that. They don’t just go to the gym, and they're not just active because they should be.

 They do physical activities they love during their downtime, and they build it into their schedules. That makes exercise something to look forward to, and not to dread.

3.   Assuming that being wrong is a failure: The wisdom here is that if people never took chances, nothing would ever get done. But if you push it a step further, the sentiment becomes even more valuable: Smart people don’t fear being wrong because they know that being wrong is ultimately an instrument that pushes them closer to being right.

When you’re testing new relationships, you have to know what works and what doesn’t. The best way to know what doesn’t is to fail a few times. You might not have the no-fear attitude innately. If you’re aware of and admire the value in it, you can build it up like a skill and then it becomes a part of you. 

4.   Assuming that de-stressing is for wimps: De-stressing is  a non-negotiable in this age of the twenty-four hour workday. If you don’t take time to de-stress your brain, something’s going to break mentally or physically.

Successful people build time for de-stressing into their lives. So, mediate, run, walk, do yoga, swim, write, knit, dance, take a long drive. Whatever it is that allows your brain to relax and reboot, make sure you do it at least once a day.

5.   Assuming that everything is about you: We all love to personalize what goes on in our worlds, but smart people don’t make the assumption that everything is about them. Many of us obsess over rejections, and what could have been done differently.

 It’s more productive to realize that every disappointment is not actually about you. Successful people realize that every little thing (bad or good) is not a reflection of them or their self worth. So try not to take the little things, at least, so personally. (Your ego will thank you.)

6.   Assuming that you're smarter than everyone else: Smart people know they can always improve upon themselves, and they always embrace the opportunity to do so. They never assume they are the smartest people in the room. That sort of assumption is really just contempt in disguise.

It leads to undervaluing and underestimating relationships.  Smart people assume that they can learn something from anyone, and they provide others with opportunities to tell their experiences and knowledge that will enrich every one’s perspective.”

7.   Assuming therapy is a waste of time: Anyone who had painful childhoods should deal with these things in therapy. The fallout of not getting to the bottom of your stuff can affect not only your personal life, but your professional life as well. Not only do successful people not fear therapy, they embrace it.

When successful people choose not to deal with issues, the result is often addiction, marital problems, and self-sabotage. The only way you can become your best self is to get the bottom of problems that are blocking you. Most negative cycles that people are in are unconscious. You ever hear someone say, ‘I just don’t know why ____ keeps happening’? Well, that’s because they are stuck in an unconscious negative pattern of behaviors and they can’t see it (because it’s unconscious).

 Successful people recognize that there’s a challenge, and turn to psychotherapy to help them break it. Psychotherapy is a tool that creates success. Smart people use it.

 “Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions, and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. “(Don Miguel Ruiz)[i]



[i] Adapted from: “7 Assumptions Smart People Never Make” by Alice G. Walton  
 
 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Everything

  “Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.” (Saint Augustine) It shouldn’t be surprising th...