Thursday, November 16, 2017

Don’t Fight

“You know that Hebrew scripture sets this standard of justice and punishment: take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.  But I say this; don’t fight against the one who is working evil against you. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, you are to turn and offer him your left cheek.” (Matthew 5:38-39, VOICE)

The phrase of eye for an eye", is taken from the above scripture. It is also known as the Law of Retaliation. This principle means that a person who has injured another person is to be penalized to a similar degree. In other interpretations, the victim receives the estimated value of the injury in reimbursement of the loss.  Can retaliation ever be a positive aspect in your life? Here are ten ways intelligent people get revenge:

1.   Advise them: Imagine someone is blatantly taking advantage of you, and you turn around to ask them for advice. Who becomes the powerful one in this scenario? Who becomes the petty one? Doing something good for someone who wrongs you is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of intelligence.

Turning the other cheek diffuses other people’s power. It sharpens the contrast between you and them, which highlights their negative actions against your positive response. It also has a astonishing effect that allows you to peer deeply into how these people think and what they really want.

2.   Create a fog: Start seeing people coming against you as a gift. At least now you know where they stand. And once you know where they stand, you can start changing their steps. There are a lot of people in life who will want to hold you back from getting what you want.

They’ll want to hold you back not because they want what you want, but because your growth and your gain highlights their inactivity. When you come against people like this, simply note who they are and avoid telling them anything personal in the future. Without knowing who you are and what you want, these people won’t know how to hold you back.

3.   Create a void: When someone takes advantage of you, your first reaction will be to get them back. You’ll want to seek justice by holding a mirror up to their face to showing them why they are wrong. This is a complete waste of time. No one thinks they’re wrong right away. By immediately retaliating against someone, you add energy to the situation and strengthen their resolve against you. You also expose your position.

 A better strategy is to sit on your hands and let things keep. This is especially true when someone attacks you online. Don’t show any signs of weakness or distress. Instead, slowly phase yourself out of the situation. Then, wait to see how others respond. Create a void and see what fills it. This will give you perspective, and help you gain clarity over how you can best use this situation to your advantage.

4.   Get in shape: One of the first things people do after a tough relationship break up is start working out. Why? People who work out two to three times a week are more emotionally intelligent, make better decisions, and maintain more balanced hormone levels. Plus if you look great and feel great, who cares what else happens to you?

Your health is worth more than all the money or power in the world, which is why increasing it is such a great way to get revenge. It supersedes everything in life but is often taken for granted. So, when you get in shape, you highlight those against you who are not in shape, while also reaping all of the health benefits that come with it.

5.   Get transparent: Most people hate conflict. At the same time, most people have aggressive desires. These people have learned to go underground and attack others passively. In life, there are those who will talk about you behind your back, promise support that never comes, or get others to attack you on their behalf. The best revenge against these kinds of passive aggressive actions is transparency.

Don’t try to hide the conflict you’re involved in. Instead, showcase it. Talk about your faults and your conflicting feelings. Use what you’re going through to teach others. This kind of vulnerability does not come easy. It takes practice. The more you practice being authentic, the better you position yourself against others who want to attack you.

6.   Grow your network: When you get attacked by someone close, one of your first instincts will be to isolate yourself. You’ll feel depressed and unsure of whom you can trust. You’ll start to put up walls. This is always mistake. Isolating yourself after an attack just opens you up to further attacks. It’s like retreating further into a castle that’s already been invaded. A better strategy is to move straight into the forces coming against you.

Go into the obstacle, and not around it. Instead of turning away from people, open yourself up to them. Talk with your friends and family members, and make new friends. Build up your connections. The more connections you have, the more lines of communication you have. Communication is a critical component of winning any battle.

7.   Hijack their focus: The worst thing about other people doing you wrong is that they can get inside your head and hijack your focus. And once they’re in your head, fighting against them is like fighting against yourself. The best way to get someone out of your head is to redirect both your focus and their focus.

As it stands, you’re thinking about how they wronged you and they’re thinking about how you might respond to them directly. So, get indirect. Go above them or create an ally with one of their enemies. If an individual is treating you poorly, go above them. Send an email to their boss. This will shift their attention from battling against you to protecting themselves from someone else.

8.   Speak through your work: The best way to get revenge is to stay supremely rational. Don’t let your emotions dictate your actions. And don’t make revenge personal. Getting emotional and personal will distract you and cause you to do things that you’ll feel bad about later. Instead, make it professional.

Operate as if getting revenge is a business decision. Someone has affected the cost-benefit ratio of your life and now you need to move a chess piece to prevent them from taking more from you in the future. The best way to do this is to put a spotlight on their behavior. Be professional.

9.   Start a business: Making something happen for you is the best revenge. People coming against you have a way of making you feel out of control. Sometimes it can seem like the whole world is trying to hold you back. But this is just an illusion. In reality, very few people are concerned with you.

 Everyone is too busy trying to better their own lives, and rightfully so. The best way to get back at a world that won’t support you is to build something on your own. Learn the art of self-reliance. Show initiative. Launch a business, form a partnership, or start a non-profit. Don’t over think it, just start it and see where it takes you.

10.       Turn it into your why: The desire to get revenge is a powerful, motivating force. What a shame it would be to waste it. That nagging feeling you get when someone mistreats you is really your best friend. The problem is that most people want to fix this nagging feeling when they should be using it as a factor to improve their lives.

Study after study shows that revenge (once exacted) is not sweet. It’s the process of plotting revenge that lights up the reward centers of our brains. So, use this to your advantage. Turn your desire to get revenge over those who wronged you into a strong reason why. This is a reason to grow, and to keep taking action to bigger and bigger goals.

 “Good leadership requires you to surround yourself with people of diverse perspectives who can disagree with you without fear of retaliation.”  (Doris Kearns Goodwin)[i]




[i] Sources used:

·        “10 Ways Intelligent People Get Revenge” by Isaiah Hankel

·        “Eye for an Eye” from Wikipedia

Inspired by an episode of the TV series, “Heartland.”

 

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