ENS side
effects include sadness, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, loss of purpose, and
excessive worry. Your deep attachment to your child indicates the positive
quality of your love for them. Be thankful that you raised an independent child
that has developed into a well-rounded adult. Below are effective ways to deal
with ENS to ensure a new normalcy can be achieved in your life as soon as
possible:
1.
Don’t Compare Situations: When going through this stage, it is
important to realize that your child is in a transition as well as you. Try to
encourage your child in their endeavors, and make sure they know you’re proud
of them.
Do things to
prepare them for their life away from you. If they do not know how to do basic cooking, laundry or cleaning, take this time to teach them. This
not only makes sure they can live on their own, but it helps put your mind at
ease as well.
2.
Focus on the Positives: Try to focus on the positives to ignore ENS. You may notice that
the refrigerator does not need refilling quite as often. This means fewer trips
to the grocery store and less cooking required. Romance with your spouse may
increase. The two of you have time and space now to return to being just a
couple (make the most of it.)
If you used to do all
of your children's laundry, there will be a lot less washing for you to do now.
You've got your bathroom back. There are smaller water, phone and electricity
bills. This will help you save money, which can be put towards a dream of
yours.
3.
Get a Support System: Team up with your spouse and get counseling
together so you can both work through the toughest parts. You might be
suffering from depression that is preventing
you from enjoying life to its fullest. Talk to a professional about cognitive therapy that might enable you to work through your
issues.
Talk with your other friends who have experienced ENS, and
get their advice. Don’t
be hesitant to lean on others for support. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to
see how compassionate your friends can be. Don’t make any major changes in your
life during this time (like selling the house or moving to another city or
state).
4.
Keep Busy: Ways to remain productive (and busy) during ENS include a
hobby, going back to school, or volunteering. The way in which you choose to
perceive ENS will color your
feelings and approach to it.
Write down all the
things you'd promised yourself you'd get around to doing one day. Maintain
independence and feel fulfilled when your goals are accomplished. Build new
friendships or revive lapsed ones. Friends are an important part of your
transition from parent full-time to person-at-home-without-kids.
5.
Prepare for the departure: Make sure they know
how to do everything that is needed to make them successful in this new phase
of their life. If you don't know that your children are leaving until the last
minute, don't
panic.
Accept
that this is happening and be enthusiastic for them, offering your support at
any time it is needed. Redefine your children’s departure as a new beginning for
both of you.
6.
Shift aside the terrifying thoughts: Both you and your
children will be better off if you treat this as a big adventure. For children who
are frightened at the prospect of leaving, it's important to reassure them by
telling them that the unknown is worse than the reality.
Help them to understand that once
they're into their new routine, it'll be familiar, fun, and successful. Let your kids know that your home is their
permanent base, for whenever they need you.
7. Stay in Touch: One
of the best ways you can help yourself cope is by learning unique ways to stay
in touch. Communication is one of the best medicines for separation. Try to video chat via Skype, Facebook,
email,
or texting to communicate throughout the week with things you want
to share (or just to check in occasionally).
Be sensitive to their need to grow and become
their own person. Be aware as time goes on that your child may not reply as
frequently as they did initially. This is part of their settling in and
developing a new group of relationships, and does not mean they've stopped
caring. Setting a schedule will prevent strain on the relationship and will
also create healthy guidelines instead of wondering if you should contact them
each day.[i]
“When mothers talk about the depression of the
empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the
floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless
shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone
from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice
president of the United States.” (Erma Bombeck)
[i] Sources used:
· “5 Tips to Deal with Empty Nest Syndrome” (https://nobullying.com/empty-nest-syndrome)
· “7 Life
Hacks to Deal with Empty Nest Syndrome” by ARAG Legal
· “7 Tips for Parents to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome”
·
“WikiHow to
Recover From Empty Nest Syndrome
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