Try to put yourself in the place of the woman
you see seated next to your pastor each Sunday morning. Are their kids
struggling because of the pressure the congregation puts on them to be perfect?
Maybe they have financial struggles because the church he ministers to pays him
can only afford a meager salary. (Many pastors wives choose not to work so they
can help their husband’s serve.)
“Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. ’ll give you
strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” (Isaiah
41:10, MSG) This
verse gives pastor’s wives hope with the countless challenges
they experience. A leadership
position in a church (like a pastor’s wife) draws a giant target for spiritual
attack.
If Satan can take down a pastor’s wife, he
can at least confuse hundreds of people in
a church. Being a pastor's wife is a great honor that often comes at a
high cost both physically and spiritually. In a role that is often too
much for one woman to bear there is incredible opportunity to serve a
pastor's wife in ways that honor, strengthen, and support her. Here
are two opportunities to consider for the woman that intimately blesses the minister
that inspires you with his teachings from God’s Word.
“Pastor’s wife only because…full time multi-tasking Ninja is not a
church title.” (Anonymous)
1. Flawed: The
woman God has called to assist your minister is an imperfect lady. She has a
unique calling that only other ministers’ wives understand. If she
forgets your birthday, doesn’t smile at you when you see her at the grocery
store, or loses her temper with your kid who just poured blue paint on the head
of a little girl whose family was visiting the church (cover it with love).
First
Corinthians 13
says, “Love bears all things, believes all things...” Determine to believe the
best about your pastor's wife, and make sure she knows you are committed to do
so. She is no different than you or anyone else sitting in the pew. She can't serve
in every way, be at everything, and remember every single thing. She has
struggles, hurts, and insecurities. Sometimes she’ll mess up, and need
forgiveness. Don’t expect her kids to be perfect either. Pastor’s children are the
same as everyone else’s children.
They will have problems with disobedience,
academics in school, and bad attitudes. She is doing the best she can. Believe
the best about your pastor’s children. And when they don’t measure up to your
expectations, cover it with the same grace you hope someone will offer your own
kids when they mess up.
“No one in the church family is more
vulnerable than the pastor’s wife. She is the key figure in the life of the pastor and plays the
biggest role in his success or failure.” (Pastor Joe McKeever)
2.
Pray: Pray for your pastor, his wife and his
children. They need you to stand in the gap for them in prayer. You can’t do
that if you’re constantly critiquing the way they are serving Christ. The Enemy
takes her family and the church seriously, and so should we. Love her well by
praying for her regularly. Here are some ideas. Pray that her love may actually
increase with each betrayal or hateful word. Pray that she would lay down her
hurts and heal properly from them.
Then, get back up
from her knees and continue to love fiercely, just as Christ has loved us. Pray
that your pastor’s wife would have courage to handle conflict resolution with
grace and truth. Pray that the Spirit would speak through her knowledge of
Scripture, and from the overflow of her heart. Pray that she would create
genuine relationships where she can talk honestly. If you aren’t already
friends with her, pray how you can make a meaningful connection.
Pray that your
pastor’s wife would have a soft heart to see her sin, and courage to confront
it. If she ever opens up to you about it, listen. Commit to pray for her
regularly to conquer that sin in the name of Jesus. Keep her accountable. She’s
just like every other Christian waging war against sin.
“I’m a pastor’s wife (and no I don’t have
all the answers).”
(Anonymous)
“As a pastor’s wife, I am set up to be an example to the flock. The
definition of example is to act in such a way as to arouse the imitation of
others. How can people imitate me unless they watch me and evaluate me?
Recognizing this basic principle of discipleship helped to change my attitude
towards the scrutiny I receive. It has also enforced a discipline in my life
that I would probably not have had otherwise.” (Devi
Titus, author of Help! I’m a Pastor’s
Wife)[ii]
 |
| Jean Dinoff (pastor's wife from my childhood church) at the wedding of Bobbi and me in November 1993 (I was 30 and Bobbi was 28. We have been married for 24 years.) |
[i] Being the husband of a female pastor
means the husband…
1. Can assist in providing an additional income for
the household budget.
2. Can balance her ministry as well as to validate
each other’s calling in life.
3. Can be handymen to aid with small projects in the
church.
4. Does not overshadow his wife in any way, and allows
her to freely perform her duties as a pastor.
5. Is to help his wife in the ministry because they
are in this together.
6. May be employed in a secular setting, and may not
be active in the daily operations of the ministry or church.
7. Must accept that there are times when he cannot
come to his wife’s side to rescue her.
8. Must accept the fact that his wife has the
authority in the church, and he has the authority in the home.
9. Needs to provide his wife with love and acceptance
while she gives him respect.
10.
Should
always encourage his wife through praise.
11.
Should be
a sounding board for a wife to think through decisions without being led by
feelings and thoughts.
12.
Should be
careful how they conduct or talk at church due to others listening.
13.
Should be
friendly to everyone, but also realize that not everyone is his friend.
14.
Should be
the ears and eyes for her as a wife and pastor.
15.
Should
develop a way to signal his wife when things are not right.
16.
Should
help his wife recognize the dynamics of both the pastorate and family life, and
help her provide adequate time to both.
17.
Should
help his wife to fulfill her God-given potential.
18.
Should
make suggestions when they are alone (not in front of church leaders).
19.
Should
use his business savvy in assisting with large projects.
20.
Should
use his male presence to aid his wife in areas of authority challenges.
[ii] Sources used:
“10 Ways to Serve Your Pastor's Wife” by
·
“4 Simple Things You
Can Do to Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife” by Rhonda Stoppe
·
“5 Ways to Pray for Your
Pastor’s Wife” by Mikaela Mathews
·
“7 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife” By Kathy Houk
·
“Role of a Pastor's Husband” (http://www.pastoralcareinc.com/articles/role-of-a-pastor-s-husband)
·
“Ten Ways to Bless and Encourage
Your Pastor's Wife” by Signature
This topic was inspired
by a conversation with Rosanna, a Phone Banking Specialist, on Friday, June 23, 2017.
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