There
is value in forgiveness. You can pardon yourself, others, and when you’re
unsure who to release from your anger. Forgiveness is not about who
is at fault. It is about letting go permanently of the resentment within you.
Allowing
mercy in your life is recognizing that there’s no point in letting a wrong
dominate the rest of your life. Forgiveness cleans your emotional attitude,
and enables you to move forward with your life.
Matthew 6:14-15 (MEV)
says this of the Almighty in connection to forgiveness: “For
if you forgive men for their sins; your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But
if you do not forgive men for their sins, neither will your Father forgive your
sins.” Here are some ways to make forgiveness a reality in your life:
“It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more
grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.” (Jessamyn West)
1. Be the Watcher of Your Thoughts and Emotions: You are ultimately the sole creator of your own feelings. When negative thoughts arise based on past experiences or future worries. Realize that these are simply issues your mind (not you) is working through. Pause, be present, and pay close attention. Think about these thoughts and emotions consciously.
Separate yourself from your mind’s thinking. By not judging your thoughts or
blaming them on anyone else, and merely watching them, there will be a big
shift within you – your sense of self worth. Knowing that your thoughts are
fleeting feelings that are independent of you will help ease your tension, and
allow you to forgive and let go.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that
the prisoner was you.” (Lewis B. Smedes)
2.
Focus
on Gratitude: Happiness must always be an inside
joy. If you allow your self-image to be at the mercy of unpredictable events
and unreliable people, your happiness will be forever on a chaotic roller
coaster ride. It is good practice to purposefully end your day by counting your
blessings with a list of the five aspects of your life that you appreciate. Whenever
anger over a mean person’s actions enter your mind, tell yourself: "We are
all individuals who occasionally go astray." Pray for this person to come
back to a happier place.
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” (Ruth Graham)
3. Get Revenge (Positively): The best kind of revenge is living a successful, happy life. If you train yourself to consistently be more loving in thoughts and actions, your energy will attract more positive people and positive results. To stay focused on highly positive thoughts, repeat this meditation ritual throughout the day: "Love, forgiveness, letting go, and peace. Working on a better you is more fulfilling than hanging on to contempt of others.
If you train yourself
to consistently be more loving in thoughts and actions, your positive energy
will attract more positive results into your current reality. Let go, and grow
past your pain. The energy you would spend trying to get real revenge can
be better spent creating an amazing future for yourself. The bottom line is
that the best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives your adversaries
more insane than seeing a fresh smile on your face.
“The past has no power over the present moment.” (Eckhart Tolle)
4.
Look
for the Lesson: it's certainly optimistic to
reframe all your life's bad events as tests of your character. If you feel
particularly tested right now, ask yourself if you're being prepared for
something like more patience, compassion, resilience, forgiveness, or open-mindedness.
Whatever strengths must be developed
further; go out and do it. Develop a student (not a victim) mentality. Vow not only
to disentangle yourself from emotionally harmful situations, but also to
consciously avoid similar situations in the future.
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but
you sure do change the future.” (Bernard Meltzer)
5. Love: Hurting someone
else will never ease your own inner angst.
Revenge (whether it’s focused on yourself or others)
brings zero value into your life. The way beyond the pain from the past is not
with vengeance, but with true love in ample supply. Loving is never easy (especially
when times are tough) yet it is easily the most powerful and positively
enduring action possible. If you’re feeling pain, don’t take action that
creates even more pain. There is always love to give. Fill your
heart with it and act in everyone’s best interest (especially your own).
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he
himself must pass.” (George Herbert)
6. Maintain
Perspective:
If you're going through a challenging time, remind yourself that this specific
event is a part of your life (not your whole life). Consciously keep this
perspective, and don't allow the event overwhelm you. Mistakes are the growing
pains of wisdom that need to be accepted (not forgiven). If everyone is trying
to do their best (at not being perfect), what is there to be pardoned?
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the
attribute of the strong.” (Mahatma Gandhi)
7. Stay
Centered:
Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness
to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem. Choose to
resist becoming like them, and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a
loving, happy person. When you resent someone, you are not only hurting
yourself. You're also giving this person control of your emotions. Think it
over. Do you really want to do that?
“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you
to grow beyond what you were.” (Cherie Carter-Scott)
8. Stop Trying for A While: This perception of constantly
trying makes living seem like an endless struggle. Instead of believing that
you are not there yet, be grateful that you are right where you are meant to be
at this moment. Let go of the judgments, forgive the past, and let this moment
be as incredible as it is. [i]
"You can't solve a problem by staying in the same energy in which it was created." (Albert Einstein)
“You hold in your hand an invitation: to remember the transforming
power of forgiveness and loving kindness. To remember that no matter where you
are, and what you face (within your heart peace is possible).” (Jack Kornfield)
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Unique Ways to Forgive and Let Go” by
·
“8 Ways to Forgive and Forget” by Karen Salmansohn
This topic was suggested
by my wife, Bobbi Kinker.
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