By the time I was forty-six years of age, I’d undergone
medical retirement from my eighteen and half year job, brain surgery, a cancer
diagnosis, chemotherapy, and finally remission. Though I was thankful to be among
the living, until the present something important about my way of living was
getting worse.
It was exhausting
to live my life in between accelerated fits of anger with God, myself, friends,
family (past, present, church, and canine), and anywhere else (or anyone) that
happened to move onto my bad side.I recently took the first step in making a change towards regaining true pleasure in life. In nearby New Albany, OH, I am seeing a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in the area of anger management. [i] I hope to eventually be able to live the theme of his practice of “cheer up, relax, and put the past in the past.”
We are delving into my past to deal with areas I thought
had been resolved, but weren’t. Resources like Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)[ii] and
meditation[iii] are being
discussed as aids in reaching my goal of honest contentment. I am beginning to see a hint of hope for
positive change on my horizon, and it feels exciting.
When it comes to anger you may be currently handling, are
you the type of person who “stews” on the wrong others have done to you, and
eventually “spew” out your angry words (like a volcano) on the victim that
happens to be closest to you (usually a spouse)?
It’s important to slow down your anger by reviewing in your
mind what exactly is irritating you. What are you going to do with this
secondary emotion that is fueled by other causes?
“Think long;
think hard. When you are angry, don’t let it carry you into sin. When night comes, in calm be silent. [Pause]” (Psalm 4:4, VOICE)
“For every minute you remain
angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” (Ralph Waldo
Emerson)
Instead of being anger, will you choose to …
1. Heal the hurt within you?
“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry, but don’t use your
anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t
give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” (Ephesians
4:26-27, MSG)
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in
which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” (Mark Twain)
2.
Take you foot
off the gas pedal of your emotions?
“Distressed and hungry, they will roam through the land;
when they are famished; they will become enraged and, looking upwards, will
curse their king and their God.” (Isaiah
8:21, NIVUK)
“I first came across the acronym H.A.L.T. when I was working as a
counselor in chemical dependency treatment centers twenty years ago. H.A.L.T.
stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Each one of these four physical or
emotional conditions, if not taken care of, leaves an individual vulnerable for
relapse.” (Gudrun
Zomerland, MFT)
3. Guard your “hot”
buttons from being easily pushed by others?
Elisha sent Naaman a messenger who
said, “Go and wash in the Jordan River seven times. Then your skin will be
healed, and you will be clean.” Naaman became angry and left.
He said, “I thought Elisha would surely come out and stand before me and call
on the name of the Lord his God.
I thought he would waive his hand over
the place and heal the disease. The Abana and the Pharpar, the
rivers of Damascus, are better than all the waters of Israel. Why can’t I wash
in them and become clean?” So Naaman went away very angry. (2
Kings 5:10-12, NCV)
"Knowing your own darkness is the
best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people."
(Carl Jung)
4. Listen to understanding?
“Listen, open your ears, harness your desire to speak,
and don’t get worked up into a rage so easily, my brothers and sisters.” (James
1:19, VOICE)
"We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more
and talk less."
(Diogenes, a Greek philosopher)
When it comes to anger, the quotes below give
the top irritants for both sexes:
· Male: “Respect depicts
acceptance while disrespect is rejection.” (Fawad Afzal Khan)
· Female: “We think sometimes
that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being
unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes
to remedy this kind of poverty.” (Mother Teresa)
“Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are Anger and
Courage. Anger at the way things are…Courage to see that they do not remain as
they are.” (Saint Augustine of Hippo)[iv]
[i] Anger management
is the process of learning to recognize signs that you're becoming angry, and
taking action to calm down and deal with the situation in a positive way.
[ii] Cognitive
Behavior Therapy is helping clients change their
unhelpful thinking and behavior that leads to enduring improvement in their
mood and functioning.
[iii] Meditation is a practice of concentrated focus upon
a sound, object, visualization,
the breath, movement,
or attention itself in order to increase awareness
of the present moment,
reduce stress,
promote relaxation, and enhance personal
and spiritual growth.
People who meditate regularly have been
shown to feel less
anxiety and depression.
[iv] Inspired
by the sermon “Sensible Sensitivity: Slow
to Anger, Part 1” (Installment one) Sunday, April 23, 2017 Dave
Jansen CenterPoint Gahanna Church Gahanna, OH
This post is also adapted from these sources:
www.millercounselingllc.com
www.mayoclinic.org
“What is Cognitive
Behavior Therapy (CBT)?” by Beck Cognitive Behavior Therapy
Wikipedia
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