Focus Not

“Focus not on the rudeness of others (not on what they've done or left undone), but on what you have done and have not done yourself.” (Gautama Buddha)

Have you ever wished that all of the rude people in your life could go live together on an island somewhere away from you so that you didn’t have to deal with them (and their attitudes) anymore? That probably won’t happen. Here are some smart suggestions on dealing with rude people.

·       Sometimes you are the rude person: You’re not a bad person, but there’ve been times when you were rude. So the next time somebody’s rude to you. Remember that they’re human just like you. Rudeness doesn’t mean they’re an awful person either.

“If you are going to be rude, be quick about it.” (Mason Cooley)

·       Even if it’s meant personal; Don’t take it personally: If someone’s making personal comments about you, it’s easy to get upset. You have a choice about how you react. Take the power out of their rudeness by choosing to treat it as their problem, and not yours.

“There cannot be greater rudeness than to interrupt another in the current of his discourse.” (John Locke)

·       Find out the reason why: People have their own reasons for being rude. Perhaps they don’t even realize how rude they’ve been. You won’t know until you ask. Stay calm and ask them why they are being rude. The answer may surprise you.

“It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring.”
 (Lemony Snicket, the Blank Book)

·       Be objective and analyze the rudeness: If you view the situation objectively, you’ll realize rudeness is senseless, and cheerfully ignore it. On the rare occasions when there’s logic behind the rude behavior, staying objective lets you address the root of the problem (instead of the rudeness concealing it).

“Do not be threatened by rude people because rudeness is a sign of insecurity.” (Gugu Mona)

·       Don’t become a member of this drama club: If you’re dealing with drama royalty who’s causing an issue unintentionally (or on purpose), keep your dignity intact by not letting their rude behavior provoke you into a tantrum of your own.

“Anytime anybody is rude, it makes me double-check my own behavior to make sure I don't do that to other people.” (Patricia Heaton)

·       Let it drop and walk away: Rudeness is hurtful, but removing yourself from the situation is the fastest way to avoid more rude behavior from the same person. Walk away (even if they’re still talking to you). If they’re a stranger, you’ll never have to deal with them again. If they’re a friend or colleague, they’ll soon learn that being rude to you gets them exactly nowhere (and maybe that will prompt them to be nicer next time).

“You can be strong and true to yourself without being rude or loud.” (Paula Radcliffe)

·       Consider being of help: Some rudeness is a simple case of bad manners. A person who’s rude to you does so because they feel frustrated about something. If it’s within your power to resolve their frustration, you may see them switch from rudeness to gratitude (in seconds). Only offer help if you can provide it immediately. An offer of help later may add to their feelings of frustration.

“You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.” (Rita Mae Brown)

·       Rudeness is a habit: It can be difficult to shake off even if someone wants to behave better. It’s a pattern.  Habitual rudeness should never be taken personally.

“Good manners are appreciated as much as bad manners are abhorred.” (Bryant H. McGill)

·       Change can’t be forced: You can’t make someone be polite. Trying to force a change in someone’s behavior will make them for worse behavior instead. Your best option is to accept that rudeness is not your fault, and allow the individual to find their own solutions.

“Rudeness is the weak man's limitation of strength.” (Eric Hoffer)

·       Fight rudeness with kindness: The best way to defuse rude behavior is to stay friendly and helpful. Give the other person a chance to calm down, and adjust their behavior to match yours.[i]

“Pride is an independent, me-oriented spirit. It makes people arrogant, rude and hard to get along with. When our heart is prideful, we don't give God the credit and we mistreat people, looking down on them and thinking we deserve what we have.” (Joyce Meyer)

“Like Jesus, we can decide, daily or instantly, to give no heed to temptation. We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding (instead of abrupt), others in turn may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.” (Neal A. Maxwell)

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[i] Adapted from “10 Smart Ways to Deal with Rude People” by Sophie Lizard