All There

Brain injury is confusing to people who don’t have one… It’s easy to get burnt out and say things out of frustration. Here are a few things you might find yourself saying that are probably not helpful:[i]

1.  You seem fine to me - The invisible signs of a brain injury; memory and concentration problems, fatigue, insomnia, chronic pain, depression, or anxiety; these are sometimes more difficult to live with than visible disabilities…Your loved one may look normal, but shrugging off the invisible signs of brain injury is belittling…

 

2.  Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough (you’re lazy) - Lazy is not the same as apathy (lack of interest, motivation, or emotion). Apathy is a disorder and common after a brain injury. Apathy can often get in the way of rehabilitation and recovery…Setting very specific goals might also help.

 

Do beware of problems that mimic apathy. Depression, fatigue, and chronic pain are common after a brain injury, and can look like (or be combined with) apathy…

3.  You’re such a grump - Irritability is one of the most common signs of a brain injury. [It] could be the direct result of the brain injury…a side effect of depression, anxiety, chronic pain, sleep disorders, or fatigue… It’s hard to live with someone who is grumpy, moody, or angry all the time.

 

4.  How many times do I have to tell you - It’s frustrating to repeat yourself over and over, but almost everyone who has a brain injury will experience some memory problems…Install a memo board in the kitchen…Remember that language isn’t always verbal. “I’ve already told you this” comes through loud and clear just by facial expression.

 

5.  Do you have any idea how much I do for you -Your loved one probably knows how much you do, and feels incredibly guilty about it. It’s also possible that your loved one has no clue, and may never understand. This can be due to problems with awareness, memory, or apathy; all of which can be a direct result of a brain injury…

6.  Your problem is all the medications you take - Prescription drugs can cause all kinds of side effects such as sluggishness, insomnia, memory problems, mania, sexual dysfunction, or weight gain… Someone with a brain injury is especially sensitive to these effects…It’s a good idea to regularly review prescription drugs with a doctor…

 

7.  Let me do that for you - Independence and control are two of the most important things lost after a brain injury… Encouraging your loved one to do things on their own will help promote self-esteem, confidence, and quality of living. It can also help the brain recover faster…

 

8.  Try to think positively - Repetitive negative thinking is called rumination, and it can be common after a brain injury…Find a task that is especially enjoyable for your loved one. It will help to distract from negative thinking, and release chemicals that promote more positive thoughts.

  

9.  You’re lucky to be alive - A person with a brain injury is six times more likely to have suicidal thoughts than someone without a brain injury...Instead of calling it luck, talk about how strong, persistent, or heroic the person is for getting through their ordeal…

 

10.     TBI [from] the people who are living with it - BrainLine asked our online community to share the things they would most like to hear from their friends and family, and the list below captures some of the many responses so generously provided by people with TBI…

 

·       I'm sorry. How can I help? Alison

 

·       Please tell me what having a TBI is like. Can you tell me where I can read more about TBI?  Melody

 

·       I don't know how you feel, but you are my friend and I will always be there for you. AmyRenee

 

·       I admire your willpower. You will get through this. Amina

 

·       I know I don't understand what it's like, but I will try my hardest to be patient and understanding. Christy

 

·       Take your time. We are not in a hurry. Lisa

  

·       When are you going grocery shopping, I want to go, too…What yard work can I come do? Darla

 

·       I don't know what to say but I'm sorry it happened to you. Crystal

 

 

·       The you that is you hasn't changed. You just have a harder time thinking than you used to. Fred

 

·       I will bring you some delicious healthy brain foods and snacks. [I will] come to sweep and do laundry… Don't worry [because] I won't stay too long. Heal Your Concussion[ii]

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[i] The term”all there” refers to being possession of one's mental faculties. Google Answers

 

 

[ii] Adapted from the articles, “9 Things Not to Say to Someone with a Brain Injury” by Marie Rowland, PhD, and “10 Things People with a Brain Injury Would Like to Hear” by BrainLine.