Last week, I saw a woman slam the car door in her husband's face
and storm off inside the grocery store. Then there was the couple sitting next
to me, the man staring at his phone the entire time his wife shared with him
her concerns about one of their children. I saw someone post a rant on Facebook
about their spouse that ended with, "Men!"
Relationships are hard, and we've probably all done something
similar to the examples above. But that doesn't excuse the cavalier mistakes we
sometimes allow for in our romantic relationships. Dating and especially
marriage relationships can be tools for showing Christ's love—to the other
person and to those around you. Too often, we take our spouses for granted and
forget that good relationships don't just happen. They take work.
It's often harder to see the good relationships, because they
aren't out slamming doors and stomping around and airing grievances on social
media. Here are eight things healthy couples don't do:
1. Post
Negatively About Each Other on Social Media
Only 12-year-olds post negatively about their boyfriends or
girlfriends on social media. It's a catty way to get attention and vent, when
the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with your
spouse when the time is right. Don't fall into the trap of getting others on
your side, on social media or otherwise, because healthy marriages only have
one side. Don't fall into the trap of getting others on your side, because
healthy marriages only have one side.
2. Make
Their Career a Priority Rather Than Their Relationship
Yes, career is important. But as you are being pulled in every
direction imaginable, something will get less attention, less time. Something
in your life will have to be sacrificed. Your goal is to make sure that
"something" isn't your relationship. You can always find another job,
but you only have one chance to make it work with the love of your life.
3. Have
All Their 'Together-Time' With Technology
Of course there will be plenty of times that you're together and
using technology, but healthy couples know how to put down their phones and
computers and turn off the TV to spend quality time together. Healthy couples
don't check Twitter on dinner dates. My husband and I have a rule that we put
our phones upstairs each night after work so our dinner or together-time is not
interrupted.
4. Avoid
Hard Subjects
Relationships are about intimacy. If you can't talk about the hard
subjects, then your intimacy factor is off. There are seasons of marriage that
are easy, and other seasons where you must make difficult decisions together.
Nothing should be off-limits between the two of you, and conversations should
always be approached with an abundance of grace and kindness.
5. Punish
One Another
Punishing one another often comes out in the silent treatment or
withholding sex or affection. Healthy couples know when it's good to take a
break from a disagreement, but also know how to come back together and find a
resolution.
6. Withhold
Forgiveness
Relationships run on forgiveness. You can't have a healthy
relationship without abundant forgiveness. The best relationships forgive
quickly and frequently. Living with another person will always bring conflict
and hurt feelings; the trick is knowing how to handle it. Forgive, and ask for
forgiveness.
7. Say
'Yes' to Everything
Healthy couples have good boundaries—with family, with friends and
with each other. If I've had a long week at work and my husband asks me to
rally and go out with friends on Friday, whose fault is it if I get mad at him
on the way home because I didn't want to go in the first place? Mine. Healthy
couples know their limits, know how to ask for help, and understand that
"no" is a complete sentence.
8. Throw
in the Towel
Healthy couples don't give up when things are hard, even when
things are really hard. If your spouse is important to you, you can get through
this. Quitting is never an option for healthy couples.
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