Transcends

“Art transcends cultural boundaries.”(Thomas Kinkade)

Looking back through Western history, it’s incredible to see how many types of art have made an impact on society. The foundation of art history can be traced back tens of thousands of years to when ancient civilizations used available techniques and media to depict culturally significant subject matter.

By reviewing different art movements, you are able to see how modern art has developed, and is also an expression of it. As the creative pendulum swings, artistic styles are often reactions against or homage’s to their predecessors. Each art movement has its own distinct style and characteristics that reflect the political and social influences of the time period from which it emerged.

REALISM-Realism is a genre of art that started in France after the French Revolution of 1848. A clear rejection of Romanticism, the dominant style that had come before it, Realist painters focused on scenes of contemporary people and daily life. What may seem normal now was revolutionary after centuries of painters depicting exotic scenes from mythology and the Bible, or creating portraits of the nobility and clergy.

French artists like Gustave Courbet, Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot, Jean-François Millet, and Honoré Daumier, and international artists like James Abbott McNeill Whistler focused on all social classes in their artwork. This gave voice to poorer members of society for the first time and depicted social issues stemming from the Industrial Revolution. Photography was also an influence on this type of art, pushing painters to produce realistic representations in competition with this new technology.

IMPRESSIONISM-It may be hard to believe, but this now beloved art genre was once an outcast visual movement. Breaking from Realism, Impressionist painters moved away from realistic representations to use visible brushstrokes, vivid colors with little mixing, and open compositions to capture the emotion of light and movement. The Impressionists started as a group of French artists who broke with academic tradition by painting en plein air—a shocking decision when most landscape painters executed their work indoors in a studio.

The original group, which included Claude Monet, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Alfred Sisley, and Frédéric Bazille, formed in the early 1860s in France. Additional artists (like Mary Cassatt)  would join in forming their own society to exhibit their artwork after being rejected by the traditional French salons, who deemed it too controversial to exhibit. This initial underground exhibition, which took place in 1874, allowed them to gain public favor.

POST-IMPRESSIONISM-Again originating from France, this type of art developed between 1886 and 1905 as a response to the Impressionist movement. This time, artists (like Paul Cézanne) reacted against the need for the naturalistic depictions of light and color in Impressionist art. As opposed to earlier styles, Post-Impressionism covers many different types of art, from the Pointillism of Georges Seurat to the Symbolism of Paul Gauguin.

Not unified by a single style, artists were united by the inclusion of abstract elements and symbolic content in their artwork. Perhaps the most well known Post-Impressionist is Vincent Van Gogh, who used color and his brushstrokes not to convey the emotional qualities of the landscape, but his own emotions and state of mind.

CUBISM-A truly revolutionary style of art, Cubism is one of the most important art movements of the 20th century. Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque developed Cubism in the early 1900s, with the term being coined by art critic Louis Vauxcelles in 1907 to describe the artists (like Juan Gris). Throughout the 1910s and 1920s, the two men—joined by other artists—would use geometric forms to build up the final representation. Completely breaking with any previous art movement, objects were analyzed and broken apart only to be reassembled into an abstracted form.

This reduction of images to minimal lines and shapes was part of the Cubist quest for simplification. The minimalist outlook also trickled down into the color palette, with Cubists forgoing shadowing and using limited hues for a flattened appearance. This was a clear break from the use of perspective, which has been the standard since the Renaissance. Cubism opened the doors for later art movements, like Surrealism and Abstract Expressionism, by throwing out the prescribed artist's rulebook.

SURREALISM-A precise definition of Surrealism can be difficult to grasp, but it is clear that this once avant-garde movement has staying power as it remains one of the most friendly current art genres. Imaginative imagery spurred by the subconscious is a hallmark of this type of art, which started in the 1920s. The movement began when a group of visual artists adopted automatism, a technique that relied on the subconscious for creativity.

Tapping into the appeal for artists (like Salvador Dalí, Max Ernst, Rene Magritte) to liberate themselves from restriction and take on total creative freedom, Surrealists often challenged perceptions and reality in their artwork. Part of this came from the combination of a realistic painting style with unconventional, and unrealistic, subject matters.

ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM-Abstract Expressionism is an American art movement (the first to explode on an international scale) that started after World War II. It solidified New York as the new center of the art world, which had traditionally been based in Paris. The genre developed in the 1940s and 1950s, though earlier artists like Wassily Kandinsky also used the term to describe their work. This style of art takes the spontaneity of Surrealism and injects it with the dark mood of trauma that lingered post-War.

Jackson Pollock is a leader of the movement, his drip paintings spotlighting the spontaneous creation and gestural paint application that defines the genre. The term Abstract Expressionism, though closely married to Pollock’s work, is not limited to one specific style. Work as varied as Willem de Kooning’s figurative paintings and Mark Rothko’s color fields are grouped under the umbrella of Abstract Expressionism.

POP ART-Rising up in the 1950s, Pop Art is a pivotal movement that heralds the onset of contemporary art. This post-war style emerged in Britain and America including imagery from advertising, comic books, and everyday objects. Often satirical, Pop Art emphasized ordinary elements of common goods, and is frequently thought of as a reaction against the subconscious elements of Abstract Expressionism.

Roy Lichtenstein’s bold, vibrant work is an excellent example of how parody and pop culture merged with fine art to make accessible art. Andy Warhol, the most famous figure in Pop Art, helped push the revolutionary concept of art as mass production, creating numerous silkscreen series of his popular works.

KINETIC ART-The seemingly contemporary art movement actually has its roots in Impressionism, when artists first began attempting to express movement in their art. In the early 1900s, artists began to experiment further with art in motion, with sculptural machine and mobiles pushing kinetic art forward. Russian artists Vladimir Tatlin and Alexander Rodchenko were the first creators of sculptural mobiles; something that would later be perfected by Alexander Calder.

In contemporary terms, kinetic art encompasses sculptures and installations that have movement as their primary consideration. American artist Anthony Howe is a leading figure in the contemporary movement, using computer-aided design for his large-scale wind-driven sculptures.

PHOTOREALISM-Photorealism is a style of art that is concerned with the technical ability to wow viewers. It is primarily an American art movement that gained momentum in the late 1960s and 1970s as a reaction against Abstract Expressionism. Artists (like Chuck Close and Ralph Going) were most concerned with replicating a photograph to the best of their ability, carefully planning their work to great effect and eschewing the spontaneity that is the hallmark of Abstract Expressionism. Similar to Pop Art, Photorealism is often focused on imagery related to consumer culture.

Early Photorealism was steeped in nostalgia for the American landscape while more recently; photorealistic portraits have become a more common subject. Hyperrealism is an advancement of the artistic style, where painting and sculpture are executed in a manner to provoke a superior emotional response and to arrive at higher levels of realism due to technical developments. A common thread is that all works must start with a photographic reference point.

LOWBROW-Lowbrow (also called Pop Surrealism) is an art movement that grew out of an underground California scene in the 1970s. Traditionally excluded from the fine art world, Lowbrow art moves from painted artworks to toys, digital art, and sculpture. The genre also has its roots in underground commix, punk music, and surf culture with artists (like Mark Ryden and Ray Caesar) not seeking acceptance from mainstream galleries.

By mixing surrealism imagery with pop colors or figures, artists achieve dreamlike results that often play on erotic or satirical themes. The rise of magazines like Juxtapoz and Hi-Fructose has given lowbrow artists a forum to display their work outside of mainstream contemporary art media.

“There are two distinct languages. There is the verbal, which separates people… and there is the visual that is understood by everybody.” (Yaacov Agam)[i]

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[i] Sources used:

·        “10 Revolutionary Art Movements That Have Shaped Our Visual History” by Smartravel

·        “Art History Timeline: Western Art Movements and Their Impact” by invaluable

 

Adore and Elevate

“A healthy mind always likes to adore others, elevate them. An unhealthy mind likes to pull everything down.” (Sri Sri Ravi Shankar)

Mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which every individual realizes their own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively, and is able to make a contribution to their community.  Mental Health impacts physical illnesses such as cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, and migraines.

You might not know if you’re experiencing symptoms related to a mental health condition as it’s possible to maneuver everyday life without even realizing you’re struggling. Some early warning signs are eating or sleeping too much or too little, lacking energy, mood swings, fighting with loved ones, feeling confused, forgetful, on edge, angry, or upset. Below are important statistics regarding mental health in the U.S.

·        1 in 5 adults experience a mental health problem each year.

·        18.1% of adults have anxiety disorders.

·        6.9% of adults have major depression.

·        9.8 million American adults (1 in 25) have a serious mental health disorder.

·        Depression is the leading cause of disability.

·        Women are twice as likely to experience major depression as men.

Don’t wait until you're in a crisis to make your mental health a priority. It’s always easier to form new habits when you’re feeling strong. You have the power to take positive steps right now to improve your emotional health.

Challenge yourself-One of the worst things you can do in life is growing stagnant and complacent. If you stick with the status quo, you won’t get to enjoy one of the best things in life, which is the wonderful feeling you get from setting and achieving goals. Even if you think you’re at a good place in life and most of your goals have been achieved, there are always areas for growth.

The importance of having goals to work toward shouldn’t be overlooked. After all, having purpose in one’s life is a crucial element of your overall happiness and life satisfaction. Take a look at your life and find an area for growth. Perhaps you want to get in better physical shape, save more money for retirement, write a blog, travel to ten countries, have children, or learn a new skill. Whatever you identify as your goal, write it down. Being mindful of the present moment allows you to let go of negative or difficult emotions from past experiences that weigh you down.

Start by bringing awareness to routine activities, such as taking a shower, eating lunch, or walking home. Paying attention to the physical sensations, sounds, smells, or tastes of these experiences helps you focus. When your mind wanders, just bring it back to what you are doing. In those moments when it all seems like too much, step away, and do anything but whatever was stressing you out until you feel a little better.

Sometimes the best thing to do is a simple breathing exercise: Close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. For each breath, count to four as you inhale, hold it for a count of four, and then exhale for another four. This works wonders almost immediately.

Don’t be afraid to seek help-If there’s one thing today’s teenagers and young adults have taught you, it’s the importance of seeking professional care when necessary. There is no shame or embarrassment in getting help with mental health issues. In years past, there was a stigma attached to seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.

Today, that stigma has been removed, as more people than ever are seeking treatment for their mental health disorders especially with the rise of online, remote therapy. We all know the importance of maintaining good physical health we’re bombarded daily with ads for exercise programs, diet plans, and blog posts on what to eat and drink and what vitamin supplements to take or avoid. What’s not as frequently addressed, however, is mental health, but it’s just as important.

Household budgets are strained all across America, but even if times are tight there are plenty of ways to improve your mental outlook, and they don’t have to take a lot of time or effort. Try talking with a valued friend (or family member).

Eat a good meal-What you eat nourishes your whole body, including your brain. Carbohydrates (in moderate amounts) increase serotonin, which is a chemical that has been shown to have a calming effect on your moods. Protein-rich foods increase norepinephrine, dopamine, and tyrosine, which help keep you alert.

Vegetables and fruits are loaded with nutrients that feed every cell of your body including those that affect mood-regulating brain chemicals. Include foods with Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (found in fish, nuts, and flaxseed.) Research shows that these nutrients can improve mood and restore structural integrity to the brain cells necessary for cognitive function.

Exercise-The impact of exercise on one’s mental health cannot be emphasized enough. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, stress or any other condition, exercise should play an important role in your life. Exercise can improve your sleep, make you feel more relaxed, and increase your body’s production of endorphins (the feel-good hormones), which can improve your mood.

There are countless ways you can reap the benefits of exercise. You don’t have to do high-intensity interval training or intense spinning to reap the benefits of exercise. In fact, just 30 minutes of walking each day can improve your mood and reduce stress. Just five minutes (the length of one song) of aerobic exercise, or cardio, can lower anxiety. For healthy adults, the recommended amount of exercise is 150 minutes per week of moderate activity (such as biking or walking) and 75 minutes per week of more vigorous exercise (such as running).

Incorporate self-care into your life-Self-care is different for every person, but it’s a simple concept. It’s important to take time to care for your physical, emotional, and mental health in order to live a fulfilling life. Self-care can include such things as getting restful sleep, meditating, and exercising as well as other things that make you feel good about yourself.

Examples of self-care include: eating healthy, traveling somewhere new, trying new things, relaxing at the beach, spending time with a friend, or splurging on a massage or other luxury. This type of self-care doesn’t matter as much as the effect. It should make you feel like you’re taking care of yourself in a way that combats anxiety, depression, and stress. Carve 20 minutes into your day to focus on self-care. Make a healthy smoothie before work, go for a long walk at lunch, or spend time laughing over a funny TV show or movie before bed.

Learn about mindfulness meditation-Perhaps you’ve read about the benefits of meditation, but you either don’t have time to meditate or you don’t think its right for you. Enter mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness is a form of meditation that allows you to focus on (and even control, in some instances) your thoughts. It can be done anywhere, at any time.

The goal of mindfulness meditation is to be more present instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. The benefits of mindfulness are far reaching. It can lower stress, improve your relationships, enhance your focus and memory, and help you feel more at ease. But how exactly does it work? Mindfulness can be practiced through deep, focused breathing.

 It can also be accomplished by going for a solo walk in nature or by practicing yoga. One other way you can practice mindfulness is by repeatedly reciting a short and uplifting message about yourself. Think of something that works for you (such as, “I am not my anxiety,” “I am strong,” or “I am fulfilled”) and repeat it to yourself. Aim to practice mindfulness meditation once (or twice) each day for 20 minutes.

Maintain healthy, thriving relationships-Loneliness is an epidemic right now. More people than ever are feeling isolated, anxious, and depressed. Loneliness can have a staggering impact on one’s mental, emotional, and physical health. One study discovered that loneliness had the same impact on one’s life span as obesity and smoking. Loneliness shortened a person’s life by 15 years. One of the best ways to protect your mental health is by prioritizing your relationships.

Having strong interpersonal connections benefits you in countless ways. It helps you feel like you’re part of a community, gives your life meaning, makes you feel accepted, and reinforces that we have people we can rely on during times of adversity. It’s important to remember that asking family members or friends for help if you’re struggling isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather strength. There should be no embarrassment in asking for help.

After all, being open and honest with your loved ones can help you begin the process of healing. Knowing you are valued by others is important for helping you think more positively. Being more trusting can increase your emotional well-being because as you get better at finding the positive aspects in other people, you become better at recognizing your own. Research shows that being helpful to others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. Being helpful, kind, and valued for what you do is a great way to build self-esteem. The meaning you find in helping others will enrich and expand your life.

Practice gratitude-Gratitude has been clearly linked with improved well-being and mental health as well as happiness. One great way to combat negative thinking is by practicing gratitude. There are countless ways to practice gratitude each day. One simple and effective way is by journaling each morning or evening. Spend 10 or 15 minutes journaling about the things you’re thankful for, both small and large.

Strive to list anywhere from three to 10 things. Explore the big-picture things you’re grateful for, such as your health or family, as well as small, daily things you’re thankful for, like the nice weather or a compliment your co-worker gave you about your outfit. Generally contemplating gratitude is effective, but you need to get regular practice to experience long-term benefits. Find something to be grateful for, let it fill your heart, and bask in that feeling.

Prioritize your sleep-If you’re busy with things like work or raising small children, you might struggle to get seven to nine hours of sleep each night, but doing so is imperative. Sleep deprivation will only worsen emotional and psychological problems. One study found that people who reported having insomnia were four times as likely to develop depression within the next three years. Good quality sleep is restful and will ensure you’re energized for the day ahead.

If you wake up 10 or 15 times each night, you won’t feel like you’ve gotten enough sleep to prepare you for the day ahead. If you’re struggling to get restful sleep, try to incorporate practices into your life that will help you achieve better sleep. Meditate, exercise daily, eat a well-balanced diet, and try to eliminate things like caffeine, alcohol and smoking, which can negatively impact sleep. Keep your bedroom dark, cool and quiet, and refrain from doing anything other than sleeping in your bedroom.

A large body of research has shown that sleep deprivation has a significant negative effect on your mood. Try to go to bed at a regular time each day, and practice good habits to get better sleep. These include shutting down screens for at least an hour before bed, using your bed only for sleep or relaxing activities, and restricting caffeinated drinks for the morning.

 “Values are related to our emotions. Just as we practice physical hygiene to preserve our physical health. We need to observe emotional hygiene to preserve a healthy mind and attitudes.” (Dalai Lama) [i]

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[i] Sources used:

·        “10 Quick & Easy Ways to Improve Your Mental Health” By Paul Jenkins

·        “9 Ways You Can Improve Your Mental Health Today” by Patricia Harteneck

·        “How to Improve Your Mental Health: 9 Keys to Your Well-Being” By Jamie Friedlander

 

The Storm

“Sometimes God calms the storm. Sometimes, He lets the storm rage, and calms His child.” (BibleGodQuotes.com)

² Euodia and Syntyche, I urge you to put aside your differences, agree, and work together in the Lord. ³ Yes, Syzygus, loyal friend, I enlist you to please help these women. They, along with brother Clement and many others have worked by my side to spread the good news of the gospel. They have their names recorded in the book of life.

⁴ Most of all, friends, always rejoice in the Lord! I never tire of saying it: Rejoice! ⁵ Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. ⁶ Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. ⁷ And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. ⁹ Keep to the script: whatever you learned and received and heard and saw in me—do it—and the God of peace will walk with you. (Philippians 4:2-9, VOICE)

External joy (horizontal) involves earthly relationships while internal joy (vertical) involving relationships with God and ourselves. Together they form a cross for the perfect model for all our relationships.

³⁴ “So I give you now a new commandment: Love each other just as much as I have loved you. ³⁵ For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers.” (John 13:34-35, TPT)

Philippians 4:2-3 (above)-The relationship between Euodia and Syntyche was poor. Strained relationships can be improved by finding common ground.

·        Small disagreements can pull you away from the main mission.

·        Division in the body of Christ means division in the reward.

·        Joy and calmness will result in unity in Christ.

Philippians 4:4-5 (above)-Have confidence that God is in control. This will direct all of your relationships (both externally and internally).

Philippians 4:6-7 (above)-The pathway to a greater joy is prayer life that is intentional. (An hour for church on Sunday morning is not enough.) Believe it or not, prayer to God works in the midst of life challenges.

Philippians 4:8 (above)-The pathway to greater joy is a Christ-centered mindset that focuses on spiritual things.

Philippians 4:8 (above) - The pathway to greater joy is spiritually-focused actions (in your life that are connected to other people).

¹⁴ Brothers and sisters, it doesn’t make any sense to say you have faith and act in a way that denies that faith. Mere talk never gets you very far, and a commitment to Jesus only in words will not save you. ¹⁵ It would be like seeing a brother or sister without any clothes out in the cold and begging for food, and ¹⁶ saying, “Shalom, friend, you should get inside where it’s warm and eat something,” but doing nothing about his needs—leaving him cold and alone on the street. What good would your words alone do? ¹⁷ The same is true with faith. Without actions, faith is useless. By itself, it’s as good as dead. (James 2:14-17, VOICE)

“Calmness is a human superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace. It’s never too late to change your attitude about something you can’t change. Just decide to make the best of it. Take life day by day and be grateful for the little things. No excuses. Let go of all the purposeless drama, aimless time-wasters, and mental clutter that keeps getting in your way.” (Inspiration Arena)[i]

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[i] Inspired by the sermon “Joy in Calmness: Unchained Joy” (installment six) Sunday June 21, 2020, Interim Pastor Josh Boyer, CenterPoint Church Lewis Center (All CenterPoint churches are closed due to the Coronavirus, and are meeting online.) Join us every Sunday morning at 10am at the CenterPoint Church Main Page on Facebook.

Vitamins

“Grandparents (like heroes) are as necessary to a child's growth as vitamins.” (Joyce Allston)

The number of grandparents raising grandchildren (grandfamilies) in the U.S. has been rising. Some of this is due to the population increase of older adults, but a lot has to do with poverty, substance abuse, the death of a grandchild’s parent, and extended military deployment. Many of today’s grandparent caregivers (sometimes great-grandparent caregivers) find themselves forced to cut into their own retirement finances and defer their dreams so they can prioritize the dreams of their grandchildren.

Often time’s grandparents raising grandchildren face many challenges that are not easy for them to deal with. Grandparents raise their grandchildren willingly and happily because they love them. A grandparent’s role in the family is important. This is something that parents need to understand. There are many challenges for grandparents while raising grandchildren mainly because they are called upon to parent a second time around unexpectedly:

Education concerns-Grandparents, in order to bring up their grandchildren, may have to find out ways to help children enroll in school. They would also have to get tutors to help with their homework, and learn more about special education and individualized education plans, which might become a burdensome task for them. Grandparents may even feel out of touch with what’s happening in their grandchildren’s school as the child care methods have changed considerably since when they were parents.

Family issues-The issue of grandparents raising some grandchildren may also cause problems with the other grandchildren in the family who are living with their own parents. This is because the grandchildren expect their grandparents to be traditional grandparents, and not act as ‘parents’ to their cousins. Such a situation can cause rift and bitterness among the grandchildren.

Sometimes it gets tough for grandparents to manage their grandchildren’s parents, who may make unexpected visits and impractical promises. Grandparents may also struggle with trying to protect their grandchildren, while still allowing them to visit or meet their parents. And this may disappoint grandparents to see their child not succeed as a parent. It helps a great deal if grandparents manage to create a family bonding time to convey to everyone else in the family about why and what they are doing to clear off air of confusion or misunderstanding.

Financial constraints-The bringing up of grandchildren by their grandparents is not an easy task where finances are concerned (if they later have to do it completely on their own). This is because grandparents may be living on a fixed income or have no additional source of income to support the extra expenses involved.

Grandparents may not be able to afford additional costs associated with raising a child like health care, insurance, child-care, and providing for the main requirements of the child. Some of them may have to quit their jobs, make financial sacrifices, or cut back on work hours.

Health problems-Becoming a parent again can be overwhelming for grandparents raising their grandchildren. They may not feel that they can keep up with their grandchildren due to health concerns or because the children are very active. Grandparents are generally old and could have chronic conditions warranting help with chores at home, and may find it tough to keep up with young children.

Due to the task of raising their grandchildren, some grandparents experience health problems like hypertension, depression, insomnia, and back or stomach problems. Grandparents need to take care of themselves by taking care of their health and wellness so that they are well enough to take care of their grandchildren.  

Housing issues-Many grandparents who are raising grandchildren often don’t live in houses with all the required facilities. Most of them live in small senior apartments, which neither has room for children (nor allow children). Those who do permit children have room that may require other furnishings and beds. Some grandparents who have to raise their grandchildren choose to downsize to smaller houses with limited space in their homes in order to create facilities for their grandchildren.

Legal hassles-When grandparents take the custody of the grandchildren, then getting hold of their birth certificates and other documents, and going to the court for adoption or to get guardianship can be a long, frustrating, and expensive process.

 Mental stress-Grandparents who are raising grandchildren often deal with feelings of guilt and resentment towards their own grown-up child for being the cause of the disgraceful state of their grandchildren. Most grandparents are not well prepared to handle the anger, grief, and sadness, nor are they able to handle their emotional reactions about what has happened. They feel bad for their grandchildren and children if the grandchildren experience trauma and pain.

Sometimes the grandchildren act out because they don’t understand the reason for not being able to live with their parents. This often leads to behavioral problems of grandchildren that grandparents have to deal with, causing the last mental stress. Join support groups if you feel anger, shame or disappointment towards your grandchildren’s parents, so that you don’t take it all out on your grandchildren.

Social isolation-Grandparents who are raising their grandchildren often do not find time for themselves due to the tight parenting schedules. Neither are they left with enough time for other family members and friends nor are they able to take part in church and community activities. Find a trusted childcare center, babysitter, or a friend to take over so that you can socialize and move out when you wish to. Being with friends and family, and reading online magazines or other resources can help keep away depression and stress.

Below are useful helps for all grandfamilies:

Acknowledge your feelings-The prospect of raising grandchildren is bound to trigger a range of emotions. Positive emotions, like the love you feel for your grandchildren, the joy in seeing them learn and grow, and relief at giving them a stable environment, are easy to acknowledge. It’s more difficult to admit to feelings such as resentment, guilt, or fear. It’s important to acknowledge and accept what you’re feeling, both positive and negative. Don’t beat yourself up over your doubts and misgivings.

It’s only natural to feel some apprehension about childrearing at a time when you expected your responsibilities to be diminishing. These feelings don’t mean that you don’t love your grandchildren. If you’ve been used to the occasional visit from a grandchild, being a parent again full-time can feel stressful and overwhelming. You may worry about how you will handle the additional responsibilities and what will happen to the grandchildren if something happens to you. You may feel anger or resentment toward the grandchild’s parents for leaving you with the responsibility of caring for their child. You might be resentful of other friends who are enjoying the retirement you once envisioned. Guilt – You may feel guilty and responsible for your child’s failures as a parent, second-guessing and regretting your own mistakes when you were first parenting.

There are many losses that come with taking in your grandchildren, including the loss of your independence and the easier role of “grandparent,” rather than the primary caregiver. You may also be grieving for your child and the difficulties that have led to this situation. Remember that while you may not have the energy you did when you were younger, you do have the wisdom that only comes with experience—an advantage that can make a huge difference in your grandchild’s life. Unlike first-time parents, you’ve done this before and learned from your mistakes. Don’t underestimate what you have to offer!

Encourage contact with parents-It is not always possible for children to remain in contact with their parents, and at times, it may not be in a child’s best interest. But in general, it is healthy for your grandchildren to maintain relationships with their parents especially if they may live with them again. If meeting in person isn’t possible, you can encourage contact in other ways, including phone calls, video chats, cards and letters, and email (unless the parents are deceased).

Try to set aside any feelings of anger or disappointment you have toward your grandchild’s parent. Avoid venting issues or saying critical things about the parent in front of your grandchild. And don’t make your grandchild feel guilty about spending time with their parent. This can be confusing and distressing for the child. Do what you can to smooth the relationship and make the parent feel a part of the child’s life. Share information about the child’s school, hobbies, and friends.

Make sure the parent has the child’s schedule and contact information. Contact with parents will be less stressful for children if they know what to expect. If possible, plan visits well in advance and put them on a regular schedule.

Talk with the parent ahead of time so everyone’s expectations for the visit are clear. It’s best if both parents and grandparents enforce the same rules. It’s important to talk with your grandchild about how they feel about parental contact. Even when children are looking forward to a visit or call, it can bring up many feelings, including uncertainty and nervousness. Children may worry that their parent doesn’t love them anymore, or that they won’t have anything to talk about. Be there to reassure them.

 Help your grandchild deal with disappointment. Sometimes, visits don’t go well or the parent doesn’t show up. Vent to a friend if you need to, but avoid the temptation to say angry or hurtful things about the parent in front of your grandchild, as this won’t make him or her feel better. Instead, talk with your grandchild about what happened and how they feel about it.

Encourage open and honest communication-It’s especially important to take the time to really listen to your grandchildren. In this difficult time, they need an adult they can go to with their questions, concerns, and feelings. Plan regular times when you sit and talk to each other, free from TV, phones, games, and other distractions. Encourage your grandchildren to talk about their feelings, both good and bad. Try to listen without judging or dismissing their feelings. Help your grandchildren learn to identify their emotions. For example, if your grandchild seems upset, you might say, “You look sad. Is something bothering you?”

Young children may not be able to verbalize how they feel, but will express themselves through their play. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You don’t have to have an answer for everything. If you don’t know when mommy’s coming home, for example, be honest about it. Don’t evade the question or lie. When deciding what to tell your grandchildren about the situation, it’s important to consider their age and developmental skills. Many children are simply too young to understand the whole story. When grandparents tell a young child all of the details of the situation, they may create more harm than good. Too much information can be confusing, scary, and overwhelming for the child. Children are smart.

They will pick up tidbits about their situation, even if the details are not discussed directly. If children learn about what’s going on from someone else, they could feel hurt, deceived, and confused. They may avoid asking you questions or talking to you about other important concerns because they think certain topics are “off limits.” Even very young children know the difference between the truth and a lie. They often piece together information, but then are afraid to talk about the truth. Some people may twist the facts in an effort to protect the child. That approach often backfires.

When children are told untruths about a situation, they may become very confused, angry, and hurt. The best strategy is to be honest with your grandchildren at their level of understanding. Your grandchildren will learn the importance of trust and honesty in relationships.

Focus on creating a stable environment-While it will take your grandchildren time to adjust to their new living arrangement, there are steps you can take to make the transition easier. Above all, your grandchildren need to feel secure. Children thrive in an environment that is stable and predictable. Routines and schedules help make a child’s world feel safe. Set a schedule for mealtimes and bedtimes. Create special rituals that you and your grandchildren can share on weekends or when getting ready for bed.

Let your grandchildren help pack and move in their belongings to the extent that they’re able for their age. Encourage them to decorate their new room and arrange it as they’d like. Having some control will make the adjustment easier. Set clear, age-appropriate house rules and enforce them consistently. Children feel more secure when they know what to expect. Loving boundaries tell the child that he or she is safe and protected.

If grandchildren are sharing a bedroom, get creative: use a divider to partition off a private area in a bigger room, erect a playhouse in the backyard, or set up a tent in the family room. Offer your time and attention. You can be a consistent, reassuring presence for your grandchildren. Try to make time to interact with them at the beginning of the day, when they come home from school, and before bed.

Realize your grandchildren will have mixed feelings too-Moving to a new home is never easy even in the best of circumstances. When children are dealing with the loss of regular contact with their parent or parents, the move is even harder. It will take some time for your grandchildren to adjust, and in the meantime, they may act especially contrary and difficult. Your grandchildren’ feelings may come out in many ways, including behavior. They may lash out with aggressive or inappropriate behavior, or they may withdraw and push you away. And if the children have suffered from emotional neglect, trauma, or abuse, those wounds will not disappear just because they are now in a safe place.

They will need time to heal. Your grandchildren may resent being separated from their parent and wish to return even if their home situation was dangerous or abusive. Don’t take this personally. The parent-child bond is powerful. Even if the children are old enough to understand that they’re better off with you, they will still miss their parent and struggle with feelings of abandonment. No matter their behavior, your grandchildren need your comfort and support. If you start to get angry or upset, put yourself in their head. Picture what they’ve been through, and the confusion, mistrust, and fear they’re probably feeling.

Remember that children often act out in a safe place. While it may feel like your grandchildren don’t love or appreciate you sometimes, their behavior actually means they feel safe enough to express frightening emotions. When grandchildren first arrive, they may be on their best behavior. Don’t be too discouraged if, after a brief “honeymoon” phase, they start to act out. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing a bad job. As mentioned previously, this can be a sign that they finally feel secure enough to vent their true feelings.

Take care of yourself-You probably weren’t expecting to be raising children again at this stage in your life. At times, the physical, emotional, and financial demands may feel overwhelming. When you’re preoccupied with the daily demands of raising grandchildren, it’s easy to let your own needs fall by the wayside. Taking care of you is a necessity not a luxury. You can’t be a good caretaker when you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally depleted. In order to keep up with your grandchildren, you need to be calm, centered, and focused.  

If you don’t take care of your health, you won’t be able to take care of your grandchildren, either. Make it a priority to eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep. Don’t let doctor’s appointments or medication refills slide. Carving out time for rest and relaxation is essential to avoid burnout and depression. Use your “me time” to really nurture yourself. Rather than zoning out in front of the TV (which won’t revive you), choose activities that trigger the relaxation response, such as deep breathing, yoga, or meditation. Children are smarter and more capable than we often give them credit for. Even young children can pick up after themselves and help out around the house. Helping out will also make your grandchildren feel good. Find someone you can talk to about what you’re going through.

This will give you a chance to work through your feelings and reach an acceptance of the situation. If you deny or ignore these feelings, they will come out in other ways and may affect your relationship with your grandchildren. Even if you feel like you are from a different generation, the joys and tribulations of raising children can quickly form common bonds. It may take time, but forging friendships with parents of similar aged children can offer camaraderie and help on navigating the maze of issues facing children today.

 “They say genes skip generations. Maybe that’s why grandparents find their grandchildren so likeable.” (Joan McIntosh)[i]

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[i] Sources used:

 

·        “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren” by HelpGuide

·       
“How This Law Will Help Grandparents Raising Grandkids” By Donna Butts

·        “Problems of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren” by Geriatric Nursing

·        “What Challenges Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Face” by Harleena Singh

This topic was suggested by my wife.