“It's so nice when toxic people
stop talking to you. It's like the trash took itself out.”
(IlovePositiveWorld)
In order to be more productive, we
need to eliminate toxic people out of our lives. They create unnecessary strife in your
world. Toxic people are hard on your brain. Learn to identify them, and pull
them out of your life like the weed they are.
Did you know that
you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with? If one of
those people is toxic, you’ll discover how capable they are of holding you back
in your goals. Toxic people can drive you to the extreme emotionally because of
their illogical behavior. Distance yourself from them, and only approach them
(if required) like they’re a science project. You don’t need to respond to the
emotional chaos. Only take the facts. Toxic people are unavoidable because they
are everywhere. Below are a variety of toxic types for you to consider (whether
it’s you or someone you know):
1. The Critics: Have you ever been in a relationship in which you
felt criticized no matter what you did? Critics may never call you insulting
names, but they may constantly insult your beliefs, appearance, and thoughts.
It’s often because they have low self-esteem and want to be in control.
Instead of trying to make
suggestions to improve your bad habits, they find every excuse to berate those
habits and hinder you as a person. The critic criticizes the person instead of
the behavior. The most harmful experience a person can have is when a parent says,
“You’re so bad,” instead of saying, “You did a bad thing.”
2.
The Enviousness’:
It seems such people appreciate your
difficult times more than your periods of victory. They believe they deserve
your moment of success (and not you). Such people only prefer to resent you for
your humility and reasonableness. This type should be avoided at all cost.
Even when something
great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it.
This is because they measure their fortune against their possessions instead of
from within. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because
they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments.
3.
The Gossipers: They
derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peer into somebody
else’s personal or professional calamities. It gets tiring, makes you feel
gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there, and too
much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the
misfortune of others.
These
types of people are insecure and use their tongue to twist facts and distort
information. They want to be accepted and recognized and doing so may just
be the only way they can get the attention they want. Even when you try to
solve the problems they have caused, the only way you can truly solve the issue
is to kick them out of your life. They can be cancerous.
4.
The Judgmental:
Nothing is ever good enough for this
type of person. They believe everyone should be criticized and scolded rather
than praised. Even when intentions are good and you try to make them understand
your genuine motives. They won’t listen. They are terrible communicators since
they are not good listeners. Squashing their negative talk or avoiding their
disdainful speech could be helpful to your progress.
Judgmental people are
quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the
thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it.
Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them,
judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to
be a passionate, expressive person. You’re best off cutting them out, and being
yourself.
5. The Narcissists: They think they are God’s gift to the universe,
knows everything, is the best at everything (and is not afraid to tell you so).
No matter how smart or experienced you are. You can never measure up to this
person. Narcissism is considered a personality disorder (link is
external), and it is toxic. A narcissist places themselves on a
pedestal, and looks down at you.
You may feel you
are competing with this person in every situation. Narcissists are often
unwilling to compromise, lack insight and empathy, and want to be the center of
attention. They may ruin special occasions because they constantly need
praise (even when it is someone else's time to shine). Their self-esteem
is marginal. Narcissists are willing to destroy everything and everyone
around them when they feel hurt or rejected.
6. The Passive Aggressors: This is the passive expression of anger. Common
examples include repeatedly keeping you waiting or making you late for an
appointment. We all know people who are passive-aggressive. You never know
what message such a person is trying to convey. Denial of feelings, sarcasm,
and backhanded compliments are sure ways to tell that someone is
passive-aggressive. This makes your brain run in circles trying to figure
out what this person is thinking, and why he or she keeps sending hidden
messages. You may spend hours trying to read the person’s mind while
backtracking over your every move or word.
7. The Stonewallers: Stonewalling is the act of refusing communication
to evade the issue. It is a person who refuses to engage in conversation or
share feelings when important issues come up. This often makes the other person
feel insignificant and unworthy of honest communication. The stonewaller may
come off as cold and refuse to admit there is a problem, but refusing to
communicate creates negative feelings and barriers that make it difficult
to further a successful relationship.
Additionally, it can cause you to
harbor feelings of resentment and guilt. If you are trying to communicate with
a person you know well, and they refuse to be honest and open with you, you may
want to reconsider why you are in that relationship in the first place. By not
responding to your question, the stonewaller’s no communication makes you
frustrated and angry. They won’t engage in the expected conversation.
8.
The Victims: Victims
are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. As
time passes, you begin to realize that their time of need is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal
responsibility by making every encounter an uncrossable obstacle.
They don’t
see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from. They are great at
pointing their fingers at others and never accepting that they have made a
mistake. What chain reaction they cause can be detrimental to your success. It
is best to get such people out of your life.
When dealing with
toxic individuals (whether family or friend), here are three important
reminders:
·
Boundaries: It’s
tempting to fall into the dynamic of toxicity by fighting, but this is
precisely what toxic people do. In the event they do return, make a promise
with yourself to avoid an argument. Firmly restate your boundaries, and then
end communication.
You’re not trying to debate the person
into leaving you alone. You can make it less attractive for them to keep
bothering you. If you must talk to them, do it publicly. This can significantly
diminish the chances of violence. If you run into problems, you can leave.
·
Distancing: Technology
makes distancing more difficult. Don’t leave any window open for them to bully
you. You’ve set boundaries now stick to them. This includes preventing them
from contacting you via social media (if appropriate). Shutting down email and
other lines of communication with a toxic person might also need to happen.
You just need to create distance by
occupying your time with other friends and activities. Toxic people won’t
respect your boundaries now (or later). They might come back even after you
tell them to go away. You might have to tell them to leave several times before
they finally do. Keep in mind that distancing is a gradual process.
·
The approach: Precisely
state your feelings about their toxic behavior. This is a subject not open for
debate. Make sure you tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in
your life anymore, and leave it at that. Every relationship requires a
different approach.
It may help to create a letter as
preparing for an in-person conversation. This will explain your thoughts and
feelings. You can also refer back to the letter later if you need to remember
why you made this decision. Toxic people will do everything they can to stay in
your life. You’ll need all the help you can get.
“When
a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others
see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that
other people will eventually see the truth just like you did.”(Jill
Blakeway)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“10 Toxic People You
Should Avoid at All Costs” by Dr. Travis Bradberry
·
“10 Types of Toxic People You Should Be Careful of
“by Casey Imafidon
·
“How to Cut Out the Truly Toxic People” (https://theartofcharm.com/empowerment/cut-toxic-people-life)
·
“The 5 Types of People You Need to
Get Out of Your Life” by Ralph Ryback
