You’re Fired

“Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me. I quit.' “(Bill Maher)

Dear Family and Friends,

I have everything to live for. I do not want to die for a very long time. When I do, I want to be old looking back on a satisfying life filled with love and laughter. I write this to you while I am still young and of sound body and mind.

 The reality is that I may not be able to hold onto this healthy perspective. I say that based on my family history and personal experiences. Depression runs in my family. My father actually died by suicide as a result of it.

Growing up, everyone told me I looked and acted a lot like him. So in high school, when I became severely depressed, I started thinking I was destined to die by suicide, too. Fortunately, my mom was an amazing advocate for me. She recognized the crisis warning signs and got me the help I needed. She saved my life when I had given up all hope.

Despite her support, I still really struggled with depression for many years after that. It took a long time to find a wellness plan. I did, and I’m happy that I haven’t had a major bout of depression for a long time. So, why am I writing this letter? My father was 31 when he took his own life. Once I made it past that age, the fear of my own suicide relaxed a bit.

Recently, though, I read something that really shook me to the core: A suicide like my personal hero, Robin Williams, all happened when those talented people were past their thirties. It made me realize that I may not be past the crisis point yet.

To be clear, my history does not at all mean that I am destined for suicide. I want to keep it that way. This wake-up call has given me a renewed sense of diligence toward my un-suicide. That’s why I’m putting together this action plan. It’s way easier to talk about this now when I’m in good health and thinking straight (than in the situation that could occur if depression comes after me again).

According to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, here are some warning signs you may see from me someday:

Talking about…

Wanting to die
Looking for a way to kill myself
Having no reason to live
Feeling trapped in unbearable pain
Being a burden to others
Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
Behaving recklessly
Sleeping too little or too much
Isolating myself
Seeking revenge
Extreme mood swings

If I am exhibiting any of these symptoms, or have abandoned the desire for longevity; it is likely that my mental illness is making me suicidal. I hereby give you my permission to take positive action on my behalf.

They say that early treatment and intervention are the most effective ways to help prevent suicide. So I’d like to share some tactics from the National Institute of Mental Health that you might use to help if you find me in crisis:

·        Ask: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It’s not an easy question, but studies show that asking at-risk individuals if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal thoughts.

 

·        Keep them safe: Reducing a suicidal person’s access to highly lethal items is an important part of suicide prevention. While this is not always easy, asking if the at-risk person has a plan and  the lethal means can make a difference.

·        Be there: Listen carefully and learn what the individual is feeling. Findings suggest acknowledging suicide may in fact reduce rather than increase  suicidal thoughts.

 

·        Help them connect: Save the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s number in your phone so it’s there when you need it: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). You can also help make a connection with a trusted individual like a family member, friend, spiritual advisor, or mental health professional.

 

 

·        Stay connected: Staying in touch after a crisis can make a difference. Studies have shown the number of suicide deaths goes down when someone follows up with the at-risk person.

We can even set up what I call an “If-Then Plan” to help navigate specific situations. For instance: If you don’t hear back from me after twenty-four hours, then you have my permission to call again. Because here’s the thing:

Despite your best intentions, I will likely do my awful best to impede your efforts. What you have to remember is that these behaviors, should they occur, are contrary to my true nature, and I would appreciate your continued help despite how I may act in the moment.

It’s important to know that just because I need help does not mean I’m being weak. I work hard to keep myself balanced with a variety of emotional tools. Brain disease has a terrible way of tricking our minds into thinking that suicide is the only solution for ending terrible pain.

 I promise that, no matter how unwell I may seem in the future, I am still the same person you love though I may be harder to recognize. I apologize in advance for anything that I may say or do if should I be in such a state. Please don’t give up on me.

Suicide is a scary thing to talk about. It’s confusing to deal with someone like that. As much as I believe that we all have an obligation to help one another, I also believe that each of us has a personal responsibility for ourselves. I’m not asking you to carry me.

Just walk beside me as I try to find my way out of the darkness. You may say or do just the right thing to help me see past my circumstances. When in doubt, simply listen without judgment. It helps more than you’ll ever know. Thank you.

With love,
Jacob Moore[i]

 “Perhaps the saddest irony of depression is that suicide happens when the patient gets a little better and can again function sufficiently.” (Dick Cavett)

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[i] Adapted from: “An Open Suicide Letter from a Friend Who Doesn’t Want to Die by Suicide, and Needs Your Help an Open Suicide Letter” by Jacob Moore