Everyone has at least one bad habit. Whether it's being chronically
late, tapping your feet, chewing gum too
loudly, eating sloppily, over
sharing on Facebook, or eating junk food. Bad habits interrupt your life and prevent
you from accomplishing your goals. They jeopardize your health (both mentally and
physically). They waste your time and energy. Putting
them behind you can have a major positive impact on your health and social
life. To change some bad habits may require professional help, but considering
the basic principles of behavior modification can give you a head start on the
process:
Decide that you want change and convince yourself you can All psychological models of change emphasize the importance
of commitment as a necessary first step. If you don't see a problem, you won't
work on changing your behavior. The more honest you are with yourself about the
nature of your bad habit. The more likely you will be to start on the path
toward change. You might want to start by keeping a log of your bad
habits. To help motivate yourself, a forthright conversation with the people
closest to you may prove valuable.
People who care about you can give
you the mirror you need to see your problematic behaviors for what they
are. Once you've decided you want to change, convince yourself that you
are able to achieve your change goals. You need to strengthen your belief that you can accomplish what you want. Seeing other people
change successfully is inspiring, but you need to see yourself as having what
it takes to make those changes in yourself.
Gain insight on what's causing the habit Once you figure out your inner motives and the external
incentives that are driving your bad habits, you'll go a long way toward
changing them. Take a good hard look at the situations that lead you to commit
your bad habit. It's also possible that your behavior is motivated by a kind of
self-defeating need to undo yourself, or what psychoanalysts might call "neurotic behavior."
Do you unconsciously try to thwart your own
success because you don't feel you deserve to do well in life? Are your
addictions perhaps motivated in part by some need that you have to fail or
shorten your life? These sorts of inner motivations may interact with
influences that are acquired through specific experiences.
Everyone responds to
reinforcements-- the rewards that strengthen our behaviors. Some bad habits
just feel good, so we keep repeating them. They may also make our other
problems, such as stress, temporarily go away, and this relief becomes another
source of reinforcement. Social rewards add to the mix.
In fact, the behavior of other
people might keep your bad habits going. By figuring out what's causing the bad
habit, you can also work on deciding how to manipulate the outcomes of your
behavior. Take the outcomes that are reinforcing the bad habit, and then use
them to reward you for the behavior you want to acquire. Do you savor the
attention of being late? Figure out other ways to be noticed.
Measure progress and don't be discouraged by occasional
slips If you're going to reach your
ultimate goal, you'll need to know how well you're doing on achieving the
reasonable goals you've set as first steps. This means that you have to keep a
journal. In the case of exercise and weight control, for example, you can take
advantage of online recording programs that also give you tips that adapt to
your record of progress.
There are certainly "apps for
that" which can make your record-keeping easy and perhaps reinforcing in
their own right. When it comes to chronic tardiness, you should write in your
calendar (virtual or paper) when you arrived at your meeting or social
gathering, or when you submitted your assigned work. See if the times start to
creep closer and closer to hitting the punctuality mark.
Your motivation to change will be fired up in part by the rewards you get
from your new behaviors. However, even the people most dedicated and determined
to change will suffer an occasional relapse. If you use that slip as
"proof" that you can never change, you will in fact not be able to
change. Instead, try to figure out why you slipped. Perhaps your
reinforcement system didn't work and the pleasure of engaging in the habit
outweighed the pain of changing the habit. Record these incidents in your
diary, but if they keep happening, you may need to tinker with your reward
system.
Seek additional support if habits are proving harder to
change One of the best ways to build your
inner resilience is by looking outward for support. If you're having trouble
making these changes on your own, reach out to your friends and family.
Formalized support programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Weight Watchers
are built on the assumption that it's tough to go it alone, which is why
sponsors are such a key part of their approach.
Entrenched or change-resistant
habits may also require psychotherapy. If you're afraid that reaching out to a mental health
professional will be time-consuming, costly, or just not worthwhile, you may be
surprised to learn about psychotherapy's proven track
record. Newer psychotherapy methods are
shorter and more focused than old-style psychoanalysis.
Needing help doesn't mean you've failed. It
just means that the change is going to require more resources than you
initially anticipated. By breaking
down the change process into measurable goals, rewarding your success, and
reaching out when you need help, you'll be on your way to a longer and more
fulfilling life.
Set reasonable goals Your
bad habits have taken years to establish themselves. You're not going to throw
them off in an instant. Decide on a realistic schedule that will work for you
based on goals that you believe you can meet. Overcoming your sedentary
lifestyle is a good example of how you can proceed through this step. You'll be
bound to fail and then use your failure as proof that you can't change.
When it comes to a social behavior
such as being chronically tardy, your ultimate goal of never being late may
also be hard to achieve in one step. If you're typically running 20 or 30
minutes late for your appointments, set a preliminary goal of "only"
being 10 minutes late (still annoying to other people but not quite as much).
It's unlikely you can change
completely right away if this is an ingrained habit reinforced by others and
caused by some self-defeating tendencies. Cutting the tardiness factor by half is a good start.
“The
secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than
the habit.” (Bryant
McGill)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“5 Steps
to Breaking Bad Habits” by Susan Krauss Whitbourne
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