A eulogy is a meaningful speech by
a family member or a close family friend in praise of a person or thing who has recently died (or retired). In
addition to the grief and sorrow you're already feeling as you cope with the
loss of a loved one, you must find the time to organize your thoughts, put them
down on paper , and deliver your speech; all within the fairly compressed
timeframe between the death and the funeral
(or memorial service).
You’ll feel nervous about how to
give a speech that fully celebrates the deceased’s life while giving comfort
and catharsis to those left behind. While only you can determine the unique
tone of your eulogy, the following tips will help you write and deliver a
touching, meaningful eulogy in nearly any funeral (or memorial) setting:
Decide
on what kind of eulogy you’re going to give-There
are two basic types of eulogies you can offer. You can do either one or combine
the two to form a hybrid eulogy:
·
Life
history-This is a eulogy where you just go through the life history
of the recently deceased while highlighting achievements. You can often just
read the obituary, or use the obituary as a guide in drafting a life history
eulogy. This type of eulogy is simple and fact-based, and a good option if you
don’t personally know the deceased very well.
·
Shared
memories-With this type of eulogy, you
sacrifice breadth for depth. Instead of covering the deceased’s entire life,
you hone in on a few specific shared memories that you and the audience have
about the deceased. These detailed stories often highlight an attribute or
virtue of the departed, but mainly they allow the audience to reminisce about
good memories they had with them.
The
eulogy is for your audience not for you-Whatever type
of eulogy you give; keep in mind that you’re presenting to an audience that has
had their own experience and memories with the deceased. So sharing memories or
life history that just touches
on your personal interaction
with the deceased is a little inconsiderate. By all means, share those personal
memories, but also find ways to connect with all the members in your audience. If you don’t know many stories
about the deceased, phone/email folks to ask them to share their memories; most
people will be happy to talk about their fond recollections of the departed.
For
added emphasis, mix together the important moments with the light ones-It’s
a funeral, but you don’t want your eulogy to be too serious because that ironically detracts from the importance
of the event. To appreciate the unpleasantness of a loved one’s death, you need
to contrast it with the charm of those joyful and even light and funny moments
of their life. So don’t be afraid to inject humor into your eulogy. Make your
audience laugh. A good barometer of the effectiveness of your eulogy is that
the sounds of both joyous laughter and sad sniffling can be heard from the
crowd. It means you had the right mixture of heavy and light.
Write
it (or type it) out-Don’t think you can give a eulogy without
preparation. Emotions will be close the surface as you deliver it so the chance
of you getting choked up and forgetting what you were going to say are high. To
avoid that from happening to you, write out your eulogy word for word and read
it from the platform. Of course, as you’re reading, you don’t want to keep your
nose buried in your notes.
Practice
good oration skills. Glance down to see what you’re
going to say for the next line or two, look up and at your audience, and
deliver those lines. The other reason you’ll want to write it out is that
audience members will likely ask for a copy of it as a keepsake. You can also
add it to any family history you all do.
Keep
it brief-While the eulogy is an important part of a funeral service;
there are other parts, too. To prevent the funeral from going longer than it
needs to, keep your eulogy brief even if the planners say you’ve got all the
time you want. Shoot for something around the ten minute mark that’s plenty of
time to say what you need to say without the speech feeling like it goes on forever.
Practice
(to eliminate the crying)-As
mentioned above, emotions are going to be close to the surface as you deliver
your eulogy. That’s not a bad thing. Emotion demonstrates your sincere grief,
and part of the purpose of a funeral is to evoke healing in the audience — a
chance for them to feel and vent their own grief. But a funeral generally, and
a eulogy specifically, should also ideally impart hope and strength to those in
attendance.
When you’re
able to hold it together, you demonstrate the fact that though the grief is
acute, life will go on. Plus, when you’re consumed by choking sobs, you’ll
diminish your ability to deliver your eulogy well during this final public
chance to honor and celebrate the deceased’s life. So, you have to find the
golden mean between injecting your eulogy with emotion, and speaking its words
with clarity and clearness. What that means is speaking with real feeling,
without being overtaken by intense crying fits.
To prevent this
while you’re delivering the eulogy, get all your cries out the night before by
practicing it over again. Read your speech again and again until you no longer
cry when you read it, even at the really emotional parts.
You’re
still going to cry, but try to keep it together-No
matter how much you practice or how much you cried the night before, seeing the
teary faces of loved ones and friends as you share tender memories of the
recently deceased will still cause you to cry. That’s okay. It means you’re a
human being with a heart. But as just stated, while a few tears or moments of
getting choked up are fine and can even add to the poignancy of the speech,
don’t let it descend into uncontrollable weeping.
Have some
tissues handy. If you do get choked up, pause for a moment, take a few breaths,
wipe away any tears or snot, and start reading again. No need to apologize
profusely or make a big deal about choking up. People get it. You’re at a
funeral. Just say “Excuse me,” and get back to the work of delivering your
eulogy.
“The right word in the right place at the right time can soothe, calm,
and heal.” (Anonymous)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“Eulogy” From
Wikipedia
·
“How to Give a Eulogy” by Brett
and Kay McKay
·
“How to Write a Eulogy” by wikiHow Staff
·
“How to Write a Successful Eulogy” By Chris
Raymond
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