Writing an obituary can be an intimidating task. An obituary is likely to be the last thing written about someone’s life. It is a farewell that details someone’s life in chronological order. Although there is no rule, most obituaries are written as to include information about a person’s death; the time and place of the death; circumstances of the death; surviving relatives; religious and funeral arrangements.
Since the cost of running an obituary generally varies by length, it is best to be aware of the ‘line rate’ for each paper you want the obituary to appear in before you begin your composition.
People often save obituaries as remembrances of someone they loved. Make sure that the final product is something worthy of a scrapbook and your loved one's memory. This step-by-step guide includes all of the essential elements in an obituary that clearly communicates the uniqueness of your loved one.
· Announcement of death: We begin with the name, age, and place of residence of the deceased along with the time and place of death. This identifying statement and announcement of the fact of death can be communicated in many ways. ‘Passed away’, ‘died’, ‘went to be with his Lord’, ‘after a long struggle with cancer’, ‘surrounded by her family’, are all common variations in this statement. Some people feel that ‘died’ is too blunt, others say that flowery phrases and euphemisms only get in the way of accepting the fact of death. Use what you feel comfortable with.
Many people wonder whether to give out the cause of death in an obituary. Certainly this is something many obit readers will be curious about. Ultimately, the cause of death is the business of the immediate family, and no one else’s. If you are uncomfortable sharing the cause of death, you are under no obligation to list it in the obituary. Please keep in mind, however, that if the circumstances of death were sudden, announcing the cause of death, either in the obituary, or in some other manner may keep you from having to explain what happened over and over to every friend and neighbor.
· Biographical sketch: Sketch is the key word here. An obituary is not a biography, but a recounting of the most important events, qualities, contributions and connections in a person’s life. Each life is unique, but among the most important universal milestones are: the date and place of birth, parent’s names including mother’s maiden name, date and place of marriage, birth name of spouse, education, work, and military service. An obituary is not a legal document. Follow your best judgment.
Listing events chronologically works well, A long list of honors and accomplishments is not often of interest to anyone outside the immediate family. Do mention significant contributions and recognitions, but if there are many, choose carefully and try to encompass as many as you can in as few words as possible. This summarization strategy works well for a person who was involved in many service and social organizations, places of employment, hobbies, or places of residence as well.
While we summarize to avoid long lists or chronological minutiae, we do well to give meaningful examples. A common utterance or specific example can illustrate and bring life to an obituary whether it is a quirky habit, a favorite recipe or a touching expression of love. Many people prepare their own obituaries, and this can be a great exercise, but what those obits lack is mention of the impact that the deceased had on family members, and their community. Paint her picture in the obituary with these details.
· Family: It is said that the funeral is for the living. The obituary is for the living too, and one of the most important parts is the listing of survivors and those who preceded your loved one in. This is a section that benefits greatly from forethought. In the confusion and preoccupation of grief, important relatives can be forgotten. It’s unfortunate if we forget to mention a hobby or interest, but it can be painful if we forget to mention a step-child or sister.
In big city newspapers, relatives are often worked into the announcement in a standardized clichéd form. There are no special sections for survivors and preceded. In other papers, and in the extended forms used on memorial websites, we list survivors first, starting with the closest relations: spouse, children, grandchildren, great and great-great grandchildren, parents, and siblings. If any of these relations are nonexistent or have died, skip and move to the next relation.
Nieces, nephew’s in-laws, and cousins are usually left out, or simply numbered unless they were close to the deceased. Grandchildren and greats are often numbered too, and if you not sure you have all the names, use a number or say ‘many grandchildren’ to avoid leaving anyone out. List relatives with their first name, spouse’s first name in parenthesis, then surname. If the spouse’s surname is different, or the couple is not married, include the partner’s surname in the parenthesis along with their first name.
· Service Times: Once again, local traditions vary, so consult your local papers for the specific order of service times, or, leave this part up to your funeral director. Here are the essentials: time, full date and place of service along with the name of the officiant; time, full date and place of burial or interment if applicable; and finally, time, full date and place of visitation(s). Please remember that an interment is placing remains in their place of rest, while internment is confining a person to a place against their will.
· Special messages: At the end of an obituary a special message is sometimes found, such as “in lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to.” Sometimes a short prayer or a line from a poem is placed at the end. These messages are optional, but can be a way of communicating something that did not fit into the body of the obituary.
· Photographs: Photos add to the cost of an obituary, but can be a pleasant reminder of the person we miss, and a useful way for readers to recognize our loved one among all the other obituaries. This value of identification is usually lost if a 40 year old photo is used. It’s a great treat to see old photos and to be reminded of all the living that happened before old age and death, but if friends don’t recognize the person in the photo, they may not read the obituary. If you feel that you must use a dated photo, include a recent shot as well.
“We're all going to die (all of us) what a circus. That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.” (Charles Bukowski) [i]
[i] Sources used:
· How to Write an Obituary – A Step-by-Step Guide” by the Remembrance Process
· “How to Write an Obituary” by Heal Greif
· ”How to Write an Obituary” by Jordana Kluyt
Inspired by an obituary I wrote for a deceased family member
“
“An obituary should be an exercise in contemporary
history not a funeral oration.” (Peter Utley)
Writing an obituary can be an intimidating task. An obituary is likely
to be the last thing written about someone’s life. It is a farewell that details
someone’s life in chronological order. Although there is no rule, most obituaries are
written as to include information about a person’s death; the time and place of
the death; circumstances of the death; surviving relatives; religious and
funeral arrangements.
Since the cost of running an obituary generally varies by
length, it is best to be aware of the ‘line rate’ for each paper you want the
obituary to appear in before you begin your composition.
People often save
obituaries as remembrances of someone they loved. Make sure that the final
product is something worthy of a scrapbook and your loved one's memory. This
step-by-step guide includes all of the essential elements in an obituary that clearly
communicates the uniqueness of your loved one.
·
Announcement of
death: We begin with the name, age, and place of residence of the
deceased along with the time and place of death. This identifying statement and
announcement of the fact of death can be communicated in many ways. ‘Passed
away’, ‘died’, ‘went to be with his Lord’, ‘after a long struggle with cancer’,
‘surrounded by her family’, are all common variations in this statement. Some
people feel that ‘died’ is too blunt, others say that flowery phrases and
euphemisms only get in the way of accepting the fact of death. Use what you
feel comfortable with.
Many people
wonder whether to give out the cause of death in an obituary. Certainly this is
something many obit readers will be curious about. Ultimately, the cause of death
is the business of the immediate family, and no one else’s. If you are
uncomfortable sharing the cause of death, you are under no obligation to list
it in the obituary. Please keep in mind, however, that if the circumstances of
death were sudden, announcing the cause of death, either in the obituary, or in
some other manner may keep you from having to explain what happened over and
over to every friend and neighbor.
·
Biographical sketch: Sketch is the key word here. An obituary is not a
biography, but a recounting of the most important events, qualities,
contributions and connections in a person’s life. Each life is unique, but
among the most important universal milestones are: the date and place of birth,
parent’s names including mother’s maiden name,
date and place of marriage, birth name of spouse, education, work, and
military service. An obituary is not a legal document. Follow your best
judgment.
Listing events
chronologically works well, A long list
of honors and accomplishments is not often of interest to anyone outside the
immediate family. Do mention significant contributions and recognitions, but if
there are many, choose carefully and try to encompass as many as you can in as
few words as possible. This summarization strategy works well for a person who
was involved in many service and social organizations, places of employment,
hobbies, or places of residence as well.
While we
summarize to avoid long lists or chronological minutiae, we do well to give
meaningful examples. A common utterance or specific example can illustrate and
bring life to an obituary whether it is a quirky habit, a favorite recipe or a
touching expression of love. Many people prepare their own obituaries, and this
can be a great exercise, but what those obits lack is mention of the impact
that the deceased had on family members, and their community. Paint her picture
in the obituary with these details.
·
Family: It is said that the funeral is for the living. The
obituary is for the living too, and one of the most important parts is the
listing of survivors and those who preceded your loved one in. This is a
section that benefits greatly from forethought. In the confusion and
preoccupation of grief, important relatives can be forgotten. It’s unfortunate
if we forget to mention a hobby or interest, but it can be painful if we forget
to mention a step-child or sister.
In big city
newspapers, relatives are often worked into the announcement in a standardized
clichéd form. There are no special sections for survivors and preceded. In other
papers, and in the extended forms used on memorial websites, we list survivors
first, starting with the closest relations: spouse, children, grandchildren,
great and great-great grandchildren, parents, and siblings. If any of these
relations are nonexistent or have died, skip and move to the next relation.
Nieces, nephew’s
in-laws, and cousins are usually left out, or simply numbered unless they were
close to the deceased. Grandchildren and greats are often numbered too, and if
you not sure you have all the names, use a number or say ‘many grandchildren’
to avoid leaving anyone out. List relatives with their first name, spouse’s
first name in parenthesis, then surname. If the spouse’s surname is different,
or the couple is not married, include the partner’s surname in the parenthesis
along with their first name.
·
Service Times: Once again, local traditions vary, so consult your local
papers for the specific order of service times, or, leave this part up to your
funeral director. Here are the essentials: time, full date and place of service
along with the name of the officiant; time, full date and place of burial or
interment if applicable; and finally, time, full date and place of
visitation(s). Please remember that an interment is placing remains in their
place of rest, while internment is confining a person to a place against their
will.
·
Special messages: At the end of an obituary a special message is sometimes
found, such as “in lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to.” Sometimes a
short prayer or a line from a poem is placed at the end. These messages are
optional, but can be a way of communicating something that did not fit into the
body of the obituary.
·
Photographs: Photos add to the cost of an obituary, but can be a
pleasant reminder of the person we miss, and a useful way for readers to
recognize our loved one among all the other obituaries. This value of
identification is usually lost if a 40 year old photo is used. It’s a great
treat to see old photos and to be reminded of all the living that happened
before old age and death, but if friends don’t recognize the person in the
photo, they may not read the obituary. If you feel that you must use a dated
photo, include a recent shot as well.
“We're all going to die (all of us) what a
circus. That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn't. We are
terrorized and flattened by trivialities. We are eaten up by nothing.” (Charles Bukowski) [i]
[i] Sources used:
·
How to
Write an Obituary – A Step-by-Step Guide” by the Remembrance Process
·
“How to Write an Obituary” by Heal Greif
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