Bullies are everywhere (school, work, family). One place they shouldn’t be is in the loving atmosphere of the local church. In a house of worship, they often don’t fit the stereotype of a bully. Here are some unique examples:
·
A retired man who makes a habit of harassing the church youth
leader over small messes left by the teenagers. His condescending attitude
causes the youth leader undue stress despite attempts at reconciliation.
·
A church staff member whose mean gossip is causing a myriad of
problems among other staff members, which includes harsh words and hurt
feelings.
·
A young mother who writes a continuous stream of letters to
the church board regarding the pastor. She insists that the pastor be fired or
else she will leave the church.
·
An older teen that seems intent on harassing a younger teen
after youth meetings.
Here are some traits of church
bullies that can help us recognize them before they do too much damage. Be on
the lookout for the:
·
They are allowed to bully
because church members will not stand up to them.
·
They are among the first
in the church to tell you how much they love you.
·
They are famous for the saying
“people are talking about you.”
·
They are highly
opinionated.
·
They are terrible
listeners.
·
They create chaos and
wreak havoc.
·
They do most of their
toxic work behind the scenes.
·
They do not recognize
themselves as bullies, but as heroes to the church.
·
They find their greatest
opportunities in low expectation churches.
·
They have been to several
churches.
·
They have personal and
self-serving agendas.
·
They murmur and gossip.
·
They often move to other
churches after they have done their damage.
·
They seek to form power
alliances with weak members in the church.
·
They tend to have emotional personalities.
If you have a
bully in your church, here are ways to deal with them:
·
A bully may
crave attention.
·
Be willing to exercise
church discipline.
·
Encourage a celebratory
environment in the church.
·
Encourage members to
speak and stand up to church bullies.
·
Fight bullying with the
power of prayer.
·
Have a healthy process to
hire church staff.
·
Have a healthy process to
put the best-qualified persons in positions. of leadership in the church.
·
Have a high expectation
church.
·
Have a ministry that
handles the unity of the church.
·
If a bully is
(and if others are aware of it), bring a small team of people together to
brainstorm a solution.
·
In
extreme cases, bring in help.
·
Make certain the rules of
the church are not ambiguous to become a useful instrument to church bullies.
·
Redirect the
bully’s energies if possible.
·
Some
bullies may be angry about other issues, but expressing their anger in the
church.
“Don’t claim to be religious and
a Christian when you are unkind and have to criticize and knock down others.
Remember what God’s Word says about looking at yourself and using kindness with
others. There’s nothing worse than a fault-finding finger pointer, who talks
about being a church goer.”
(Anonymous)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“Bullies in
the Church” by Todd Outcalt
·
“Eight Warning Signs of a Bully Church Member” by Thomas S. Ranier
·
“Nine Traits of Church Bullies” by
Thomas S. Ranier
·
“Nine Ways to Deal with Church Bullies” by Thomas S. Ranier
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