Most people wouldn’t want to live a life that wasn’t true to their own standards. Stay true to what impassions you. What can you do to ensure your life is uniquely meaningful? What strategies can you use to challenge all the obstacles that keep you from pursuing your basic values? Here are the essential steps:
“A successful life is an authentic life. Happiness and creativity rest on a foundation of transparency to yourself and others. Knowing your own heart and speaking clearly to others keep you on the path.” (Gay Hendricks)
1. Ignore your inner critic: The critical
inner voice is made up of a destructive point of view incorporated early in
life. The anti-self is self-critical and cynical towards others; self-hating,
paranoid, and suspicious; and destructive to others. A person’s real self is life-affirming and
goal-directed. Human brains are wired to focus on whatever seems
life-threatening. Negative events from our childhood can leave a
stronger impression on us than positive ones.
Throughout
people’s lives, their moods are influenced by their critical inner voice. Have
you ever noticed the anxiety that arises
when you start taking steps to achieve a goal? It's easy to get lost in your
mind, but not taking action. Adopt a zero-tolerance policy toward your inner
critic. When you notice that you’re starting to attack yourself, interrupt that
thinking without question.
Remind yourself
that these are critical inner thoughts. It is never appropriate to have a mean
attitude toward yourself. Your voices can pick on things that have some reality
or areas in which you are weak. Don't be fooled by the voices. They are not
acting in your interest.
“Today is not the day you quit, nor is it the day you
cry. Today you know that you have all the passion and wisdom to find that quiet
center of solace, serenity, and strength necessary to create and sustain an
authentic life.”
(Sarah Ban Breathnach)
2.
Not working for external rewards: If you want to live
life on your own terms, you have to stop thinking of your worth in terms of how
much you make. Some of the least monetarily successful people I know are the
most enlightened. They’ve traveled the world and have thousands of stories to
tell.
On the
other hand, some of the more well off individuals I’ve met live only to work and
make more money (as if more money will make them feel better on their deathbed).
Being intrinsically motivated allows you to seek out what it
is you truly want to get out of life, and make the most of each day.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” (Bernard Baruch)
3. Set specific goals: Often people focus on their goals
in negative terms. A better approach is to write down your core values that are
in line with your beliefs. Think about specific actions you can take to move
closer to your goals. Set smaller goals that you can accomplish along the way.
This will make it easier to track your progress.
Three coaching tools
(accountability, commitment, and writing down goals) were effective in
achieving success. If you create too many goals (or set impossible standards),
you’re likely to become overwhelmed. You may feel scattered and anxious as
opposed to organized and on-track. This step will help keep you on your own
side.
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or
strange that self may prove to be.” (May Sarton)
4. Think about your needs: Forty percent
of Americans haven’t determined a sense of purpose in their lives. When you
don't know what you want, living life
on your own terms may be a challenge. Thinking about what you want is
not a selfish act. Deciding what matters to you involves recognizing the people
who matter to you, and determining they are a priority in your life. Caring for
them makes you happy.
When you live a
life that you cherish, everything around you holds more meaning. You are likely
to be kinder, more considerate, and more understanding of
others. When you are fulfilled, you can be more giving of yourself. Positive
emotions are linked to characteristics like sociability, optimism, energy,
originality, and altruism.
You have value
in the world when you invest in the gifts that you offer. Don't assume you know
everything about yourself. This step will support and strengthen your real
self.
“When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.” (Anais Nin)
“Being a survivor doesn't mean being strong; it's telling people
when you need a meal or a ride, company, whatever. It's paying attention to
heart wisdom, feelings, not living a role, but having a unique, authentic life,
having something to contribute, finding time to love and laugh. All these
things are qualities of survivors.” (Bernie Siegel) [i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“3
Essential Steps to Living Your Own Life” by Dr. Lisa Firestone
· “6 Ways to
Live Life on Your Own Terms” by Matt Duczeminski
· “Five Simple Tips to Live Life on Your Own Terms” by Rakesh
Malhotra
Inspired by the Hulu documentary, “Becoming Bond”
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