Grief and loss are inevitable parts of life, but they can affect us in many different ways one can grieve after any major change in their identity. Grief comes in five stages. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
There is never one acceptable way to deal with a loss and
grief because it is always based on the individual. Don’t allow grief to keep
you from emotionally moving forward in this process. It can be one of the
hardest experiences of your life. Grief can be emotionally unpredictable,
mentally stressful, and physically exhausting.
The painful empty ache of loneliness after a tragedy can have
many different side effects. The methods chosen to cope with are important, and
can have a long-term impact on future health and happiness. The following tips may
help you find your way through this baffling maze of hurt:
1. Avoid Mind-Altering Chemicals. Instead Take Herbal Remedies: Numbing yourself to the pain is what far too
many people choose when handling grief and loss. This is not only a poor
solution, but it can also create more problems.
There are many different herbal remedies that can provide you with
some peace to calm a troubled mind. Some of the best herbal options are
chamomile tea, valerian root, passion flower, and lavender. You can use these
as aromatherapy and essential
oils . They can have anxiety-reducing effects and help one get to
sleep, which can be difficult
when in a grief-stricken state.
2. Creative Expression and Meditation: Your confusion at why
a particular event happened can bubble over, and potentially burst out in anger
or sadness. Let your creative side out, and express your feelings in a needed
way during this time of sorrow.
When you experience a tragedy, people often look inwards.
That’s not always healthy. Meditation is about identifying your truest sense of
who you are, and finding out your passion in life. Meditation can be difficult
when you’re burdened by grief and loss. This is when meditation is needed the
most.
3. Eat, Exercise, and Care for
Yourself Regularly: While grieving, you might not feel hungry or
be able to tell when you’re full. Your stomach can feel tied up in knots. Be
sure to eat healthy food so you have the physical resources available to manage
all the stress. It can be hard to cook for one less person. Use this as a
reason to invite company over for meals, or try a new restaurant.
Exercising provides a natural space for individual
thinking. Your mind can be focused on the methodical processes of some activity,
and release serotonin and other healthy hormones into your brain. The
routine of exercise can help drive you past the painful memories.
During a period of grieving, it is easy to stop taking
care of yourself. It is important that you take care of yourself while you’re
grieving. Making yourself sick will only sink you deeper into grief and misery.
Think of the person you lost. Wouldn’t they want you to be healthy and happy?
4. Honoring the Person You Lost: When someone is gone,
it doesn’t mean that their memory is forgotten. You should find a special way
to honor a person that you have lost. This can be anything you can imagine.
This can be your connection to the person, and a means of saying goodbye to
them and the pain.
5.
Organization, Rituals, and Travel: Mountains of duties usually accompany loss.
Bills may need paid, belongings sorted, or a house cleaned out. These can all feel
overwhelming when your emotional resources are low. Organize and prioritize
large work into manageable, bite-size chunks.
During this time of turmoil, any kind of peaceful ritual can
help center one’s attention. Rituals provide a sense of control during the fluctuations
of grief.
Some people compare travel following a loss as an escape
from the pain, but that is far from the truth. A change in scenery (after
handling a tragic loss and entering the recovery stage) can kick-start your
life back in the right direction. It will remind you to relinquish control,
stop blaming yourself, and move on in life. Travel has a unique ability to
inspire and remind of the good things in life.
6. Prepare for Emotional Highs
and Lows: It’s
natural to have feelings of shock, sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and fear.
Embrace your tears. Don’t ignore your emotions. It’s alright to have times of
relief, happiness, and peace. You don’t need to be sad all the time to
grieve.
Be gentle with yourself as you ride the waves of grief. It
doesn’t always have a beginning, middle, and end. Things like holidays,
birthdays, anniversaries, music, or even a movie can bring back emotions. Thinking about what you could have or should have done
doesn’t change the past (or make things any better).
Instead think
about the positive memories of the deceased person. Typing your words on a
computer to expressing things you wish you would have said might help you work
through feelings of regret, and provide you with a tangible way to work through
emotions that need to be put to rest. Grief finds you, but the process of learning
and growing from your experiences takes effort.
7. Talk to
a counselor (or friend) during the grieving process: Counseling doesn’t have to be a long-term commitment, but can be that
assistance you need to deal with your immediate emotions of grief. The
grieving process should go at your own speed. There shouldn’t be a rush to
force you into feeling better. Grief is a progression that does not have
a defined deadline. It will get easier over time.
When you have lost someone you care about, or suffered
some other great personal tragedy; it can be an easy fix to simply withdraw
into yourself (and not show the world the incredible amount of pain that you’re
experiencing). This can often seem easier than discussing or facing the issue
at hand. Reaching out to others will provide outside perspectives and a
support network. Seek out people who have experienced similar things, or who
understand the situation and may have a valuable perspective to share with you.
When you lose a loved one, it can feel like life has
crashed to a halt. One of the best ways to move past a tragic loss is to look forward into the
future. Find something that you are excited about, and start making plans for
it. This will remind you that the future is whether you want it to (or not).
“You will lose
someone you can’t live without…Your heart will be badly broken…The bad news is
that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved…This is also the
good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up.
And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly…
[It] still hurts when the weather gets cold, but
you learn to dance with the limp.” (Anne
Lamott) [i]
[i] Sources used:
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