Foot-in-Mouth Disease

The biology definition of armature that most people are familiar with is “the protective covering or structure of an animal or plant.”[i] Of course, Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary defines it differently as “displaying exceptional wisdom, experience, and/or age” as in the sentence “I know sometimes I act like a kid, but I really armature.”[ii]

I was acting like a spoiled child on the Friday before Columbus Day 2016. Bobbi had decided to take a long weekend (to rest and get lots of chores done), and I was off from work, too.

Around 2:00pm, we decided to stop at a local electronics store. As a way to cut back on expenses, we were contemplating cutting out cable. We wanted to see if there were any devises that could provide us with some TV viewing at a more affordable price.

For the next hour or so, a large cheerful African-American man (with glasses) named “Anson” told us about all of our viewing options. Though I always depended on my wife to know what was going on, I could see she was getting overwhelmed. With my talkative personality, I managed to discover that Anson also worked part-time as an Uber driver. He felt (like me) that the show Designated Survivor (with Kiefer Sutherland) was going to turn out to be a big hit.

At a lull in the conversation, I was just about to give Anson one of my blog cards (with a brief explanation) when Bobbi jumped in with a question. I pulled back my card, and gave it to Anson a few minutes later.

During a brief moment when Anson was speaking to another employee, I looked at my flustered wife of almost twenty-four years (on November 13, 2016). At that moment, I was not a happy husband.

When I was asked what was wrong. Selfishly, I angrily (and in a low voice) growled that I hated to be interrupted when I was talking. I was sitting on the side of her good ear; couldn’t she hear the few words I uttered?

Why wasn’t she paying attention to what I was doing? By the time we left the electronics store (with no product), we both felt disrespected (unheard and unloved) by the other spouse.  Later at the neighborhood warehouse club, we purchased a streaming stick to further explore all our options on our quest to eliminate cable.

With my elevated ego;”Robert” giving out my blog cards evolves into some mystical, spiritual experience. I feel like I’m graciously allowing some part of myself to help others. Rarely, am I interrupted during the quick amount of time it takes me to give a card out. The only person that has ever rejected one of my cards was a woman of the Jehovah Witness faith (a customer at work).

In reality, my family often cringes when they see a card come out. They often needlessly try to communicate with me as I write (and in return receive my extreme irritation). My business card has no special properties. It just paper.

I often wonder how many people that promise me they will check out ENCOURAGE ME do. Essentially, my blog is my ramblings (backed up with scriptures, quotes, and positive messages)

Let’s further investigate how many mistakes I made in the above exchange with my wife:

1.  “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did the church – a love marked by giving, not getting.”[iii] What Would Jesus Do for His precious daughter? Definitely not what I did! I get a failing grade of “F” on this verse.

“At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love.”[iv]

2.  “Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in conversation, not put them down, [and] not cut them out.”[v] My communication skills (with Bobbi) could use a grace overhaul.

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse.”[vi]

3.  “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”[vii] Bobbi can be an expert with blunt honesty (at times) to me.  I know in my rational, calm mind that she has never given me bad advice (intentionally).

More often than not, she’s been perceptive about other’s true intentions as it relates to me. Bobbi makes me look good. I definitely married up (better than I deserved). I always need to be more mindful of the above scripture in giving her the respect she desires of me.

“Love is the most important word in the English language – and the most confusing. Both secular and religious thinkers agree that love plays a central role in life.”[viii]

4.  “Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”[ix] Whose rights was I ultimately concerned about, and who should I have been supporting with a good attitude? I bet you can come up with the correct answer. (The right answer is not “Robert.”)

“Due to the sociological changes of the last thirty years, there is no longer a common stereotype of the male and female role in American society.”[x] In our marriage, Bobbi has typically handled the male-type duties (while my responsibilities go more towards the female realm).

 “I can live for two months on a good complement.”[xi] That quote was made by the author, Mark Twain.  In my own life, I’ve discovered someone's compliment can help me achieve the impossible.

It’s also true that hurtful comments can evoke emotional pain (fear, and doubt) in an individual that can last a lifetime. I have apologized to Bobbi both verbally (and with this post). Let me do it again for old-time sake. “Sweetheart, I’m a loud-mouthed, opinionated jerk, but will you still forgive me again pretty please?”[xii]

I guarantee my marriage will see many more years of verbally messing up with my best friend, my wife. Knowing the heart of Bobbi, I’m hoping for forgiveness. Is there someone in your life you need to make amends to? Is your pride standing in the way?

The next time you are about to tell some deserving individual off, e-mail your words (and thoughts) to me instead (as you vent) at encouragementguru@gmail.com.

Get it off your mind. I’m always looking for great blog ideas plus I’m great at disguising identities. You know I’m joking (or am I)? Regardless of what you might believe, I can keep secrets (most of the time).

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[i] The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (New College Edition)

[ii] Foot-in-mouth Disease [is] a capacity for saying the wrong or inappropriate thing. The term is a play on the foot-and-mouth disease of livestock…. (The Dictionary of Clichés by James Rogers)

[iii] Ephesians 5:25 (All verses in this post are from The Message unless otherwise noted.)

[iv] Taken from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

[v] Colossians 4:6

[vi] Taken from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. (This quote was highlighted by one of us in our copy of this book)

[vii] Ephesians 4:32

[viii] Taken from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

[ix] Philippians 2:4

[x] Taken from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

[xi] Taken from The Five Love Languages (Men’s Edition) by Gary Chapman.

[xii] “I’ll wipe the slate clean for each of them. I’ll forget they ever sinned,” God’s decree. (Jeremiah 31:3)

My wife, Bobbi, is definitely my better half.