Going for the Jugular Vein

Genesis 2:24 (MSG) states, “Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.” Regardless of all the marriage enrichment things I’ve been part of (or read) throughout my passionate marriage are often forgotten in the midst of “intense moments of fellowship” as my friend Chris gives it a spiritual twist. The better known secular name for this is arguing.

I have been comfortable arguing (or loudly speaking) with my wonderful bride in a variety of locations besides my home. If you can imagine a place, chances are a marital disagreement has occurred there. Why I choose to embarrass my very proper bride is beyond me. Loud arguing has been a normal part of the fabric of Allena and the dog’s lives for longer than I can remember.

Though I dearly cherish Bobbi and will never leave her because my name is on the mortgage (just joking). Our irritation with each other has many times ended with threats of separation (or divorce).There have been threats of divorce (or separation) multiple times in the past.

It never goes through because we really do love each other (although it doesn’t sound like it). Unfortunately many times when I’m writing to encourage you all, the two of us are not verbally celebrating our fondness for each other. Maybe I should adhere to my own advice, and stop all the hypocrisy.

Disagreements tend to start with me when I’m hungry (much like our Chihuahuas), tired (for any reason), or not feeling understood or respected. Bobbi’s reason circle around the lack of affection I haven’t given her lately (in any form), and pain or worry and (over Allena, bills, or obeying God).

If you are a couple like us, I would give this piece of advice to both you and me. Remember, your spouse chose to be with you for the rest of their life. Why make it miserable? How important are these disagreements in the long run?

Stay off topics where compromise cannot happen. I’ve been told arguments cease to happen (or die out quickly) where you each speak softly instead of loud yelling.

Always refrain from topics that will cause severe damage to the one you love. (In our case, this would be our multiple miscarriages and the ability to conceive again.) If you are married like me, let’s all make a stronger commitment to not fight to emotionally cripple (or better yet choose silence).