Do
you ever struggle with negative thinking? It’s one of the most destructive forces you’ll ever have to face, and
it’s inside your own head. It’s that negative, judgmental voice telling you you’re not smart enough or you don’t work hard enough or you don’t deserve to succeed. We all
have a constantly running soundtrack of self-talk in our head.
It’s stronger in some than in others, and the
content is variable, too. Negative (unhelpful) thinking patterns can have a strong
and sometimes devastating impact on our relationships, our health, our work,
and our lives. A lot of it is harmless, even helpful–“Don’t
forget, you’re meeting with John”–but if your inner voice ever takes a negative
turn, you need to know how to tame it. Here are eight powerful ways to quiet
your negative self-talk:
Accept your
imperfections. No one is perfect, and the
sooner you know it, the better off you will be. We all have strengths and
weaknesses. If you choose to concentrate on your weaknesses rather than your
strengths, you’ll spend a lifetime feeling that you can never measure up. But
if you choose to spend your time on what you’re good at, your thoughts will be
positive and gratifying.
Back up for a
better view. If you’re serious about
taming your self-talk, take a step back and really listen to your thoughts.
Write them in a journal in any form that appeals to you. Go back and read them
after some time has passed. Once you’ve done that you’re already engaging in
the process of repair. Sometimes when we create distance, we can see how far we
have come.
Be conscious of
what you say.
Rethink your thoughts. Sometimes repeating a thought more than once and really
listening to what we’re saying is enough to bring us back into reality. Work to
build more constant conscious awareness of how you talk to yourself.
Distract yourself
to reboot your mind.
You may sometimes become so busy overthinking everything that your thoughts go
around and around and you cannot stop yourself from thinking and rethinking the
same negative thought. If that happens, distract yourself. Stop thinking and
start doing.
Stop chasing the wrong thing, and give yourself time to catch up
with the right things. Maybe by distracting yourself you can figure out what is
right for you. There are exactly two things that can prevent you from
positivity and happiness: living in the past and treating ourselves negatively.
Don’t be guilty of either. Learn to tame your negative thoughts so you think
about a positive future.
Listen to what
you’re telling yourself as if you were telling it to other people. None of us would ever speak
to anyone the way we speak to ourselves. We’re too often negative,
condescending, and just outright rude. Learn to treat yourself with the same
patience, compassion, and respect you would give to any other person.
Not everything
that was true in the past is true today. Just because something happened to you in the
past doesn’t make it true today. In the here and now, you are more skilled,
more qualified to be doing what you need to do. Any thoughts and beliefs about you
from the past no longer pertain. Some things you have to leave in the past
while you work on being successful for the future.
Remember, someone
is listening. If
your self-talk is positive, you’ll have positive thoughts and actions. If it’s
negative, it will create negative thoughts and actions–and, most likely,
negative outcomes. Negative self-talk can even lower your self-confidence so
remind yourself that you’re listening to yourself and that the consequences are
as real as if you were talking to someone else.
Stop judging
yourself so harshly. A lot of low self-esteem comes from harsh and merciless
self-judgment. Sometimes our judgment is distorted and our thoughts become
warped into negativity. If you tend to judge yourself harshly, the best way to
tame the negative talk is to ask others how they see you, and listen to what
they say. You might be surprised. Another technique is to ask yourself how
you’d consider someone with about the same level of talent, ability, and
accomplishments.
“You don’t have to be positive all
the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared,
or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person.’ It makes you
human.” (Lori Deschene)[i]
[i] Sources used:
·
“8 Effective Ways to
Tame Your Negative Thoughts” by Lolly Daskal
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