Mother-daughter relationships can be both the best of times and the worst of times (all together) for the females involved in them. Some mothers and daughters are best friends. Some argue regularly while others avoid conflict completely. There are some mother-daughter relationships that talk through everything. There are two primary complaints that daughters have about their mothers: Mothers try to parent them and are overly critical. From mothers’ perspective, daughters don’t listen to them, make poor choices, and have no time for them.
As in the avenue of prayer, it should be done daily pray daily regardless of whether you both do it for each other (or not). Pray for the Heavenly Father to grant wisdom, understanding, and love for each other daily. Below are additional insights that could be helpful in most mother-daughter unions. See what you think::
1.
Fight fair:
Almost every mother-daughter duo has that one topic where you can’t ever see
eye to eye. Every time the topic surfaces it gets the juices flowing, and you
can feel an argument looming. While it’s easy to let anger and emotional
outbursts get the best of anyone, try to pause, breathe, and take time to consider
your mother or daughter’s point of view before defending yourself. Finding ways
to be more empathetic (even if you disagree) can help keep the peace and
avoid hurt feelings.
2.
Find common
interests: Spending relaxing time together while discovering common
hobbies and interests helps deepen the mother-daughter bond. Don’t feel like
both of you have to be interested in the same things. Talk oh the phone
frequently about anything. Then explore
something that is new to both of you. Carve out time to try a new activity that
can bring you closer, and create fun memories along the way.
3.
Give and
receive thoughtful advice: It can be difficult for mothers and daughters to be
impartial, and feelings can be hurt if advice is not followed. Whoever is on the receiving end. Advice can often feel like
criticism. Learn to welcome each other’s insights without being dismissive at
the same time. Give each other the freedom and support to trust instincts
even when it means taking a different path.
4.
Keep your lips
sealed: When the daughter is a child, she typically asks her mother
to keep a secret,. Later when both mothers and daughters are adults, secrets
can be revealed or kept. Problems may occur when one asks the other not to tell
family members about something they discussed. As in all important
relationships, the ability to keep intimate discussions in confidence is
critical to maintaining trust long-term.
5.
Know how much
time to spend together: If you have a strong mother-daughter relationship, you
probably cherish the limited time you have together. However, you’ve learned
that too much togetherness can bring . The
amount of mother-daughter time that’s right may differ, but the important thing
to remember is that the desire to separate once again is natural. Mothers and daughters experience a continual
push/pull. The longing to spend time together with the intuition to know when
it’s time to pull away again. That’s healthy and makes an adult relationship
balanced.
6.
Learn to
forgive:
When feelings are hurt and emotions run high, it’s often hard to forgive or ask
for forgiveness. Rather than listening to the other person validating their
emotions , there is the tendency to feel personally
attacked and fight back with harsher words.
7.
Learn to let go:
When daughters are young, letting go for a mother means sending her on the
school bus for the first time or saying “yes” to sleepovers. When daughters are
adults, the situations may be different (she’s got her own children or her
family is moving to a new city far away). The emotions for mom are the same:
fear mixed with excitement.
8.
Make time to
connect: As
daughters grow up and move away, their lives become separate and it is
difficult to maintain a relationship with quick phone calls become
the norm. While phone calls, e-mails, and occasional texts are common ways to
stay in touch combined with weekly Face time.
When communicating, block-out distractions, and make time for meaningful conversation.
9.
Manage your
moods: While many mother-daughters are strong and capable women,
there was a time when irrational or temperamental ruled.
Unfortunately, bad moods and tempers get saved for those who love us most.
Both females have learned to recognize each other’s bad moods. It's important to
recognize when anger or criticism is misplaced so
unnecessary heartache. doesn't happen.
Mothers, temper your anxieties so that you don’t transfer
your fear onto your daughter, and she understands you have confidence in her
ability to take on new experiences. Daughters understand that their mother's pesky
inquiries and undue worrying is a natural sign of love. Come to a meeting
of the minds, and both of you get excited together for the change ahead.
10.
Uncover mixed
signals: Combine the topic of body language with mothers and
daughters, and it conjures up visions filled with emotion: the sulking teenager,
the finger-pointing mother, the full-of-love bear hug. We often make
assumptions about what someone is thinking and feeling from their body
language. Signals are misinterpreted, it can be as damaging to a
mother-daughter relationship as misunderstood words. Don’t assume that you
understand how the other is feeling by their posture, facial expression, or gesture
rather, ask. Clear communication can help avoid misunderstandings.
[i] Sources used:
·
“15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships” by Margarita
Tartakovsky,
·
“5 Ways to Heal the Hurt From an
Emotionally Absent Mother “ by
·
“10 Ways to Improve Your Mother-(Adult) Daughter
Relationship” by Ellen Resnick and Jenna Gebel
The topic for this post was
suggested by my good friend, Juli Critser.
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