Saturday, December 31, 2016

More than a Senior Moment

“My husband is leaving me. [There is no drama]…a few slammed doors and no suitcase in the hall…There is another woman involved [though]. Her name is Dementia.[i]

My husband is stricken with dementia, and it's a trick of his condition that events and people from his past are more real to him than what happened five minutes ago.[ii]

Can I remember exactly when I 'lost' my husband?[iii] Was it the moment when I had to start tying his shoelaces for him? Or when we stopped being able to laugh with each other? Looking back, that turning point is impossible to pinpoint. But then, that's the nature of dementia.[iv]

Dementia is an umbrella term for a set of symptoms including impaired thinking and memory... However, issues other than Alzheimer's can cause dementia. Other common causes of dementia are Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease and Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.[v]

Alzheimer’s goes beyond forgetting to pay a bill or losing things every now and then. As the Alzheimer’s Association describes, Alzheimer’s is not a normal part of growing older.[vi]

It impairs memory and intellectual abilities seriously enough to interfere with daily life and it accounts for over half of all dementia cases.

Although it affects people differently, Alzheimer’s does show some early symptoms. Here’s a list of [early] warning signs that may indicate Alzheimer’s disease:

1.  Difficulty remembering things that just happened

2.  Inability to plan or solve problems

3.  Trouble completing familiar tasks

4.  Losing track of dates, seasons and time

5.  Vision problems

6.  Struggling with conversations

7.  Misplacing things

8.  Poor decision-making

9.  Withdrawal from work or social activities

10.             Mood and personality changes[vii]

Alzheimer’s is well on its way to hit epidemic proportions… It’s predicted that when the first wave of baby boomers reach the age of 85 in 2031, more than 3 million people over the age of 85 will have Alzheimer’s…

Although the numbers are shocking, they are not hopeless. As researchers press forward searching for a cure, they encourage people at risk to make positive lifestyle changes to prevent the disease from gaining a foothold:

1. Learn a foreign language. (Adding another language to your vocabulary may delay the onset of Alzheimer’s by four years.)

2. Drink raw fruit and vegetable juices. (Drinking fruit and vegetable juices more than three times a week could cut the risk of developing Alzheimer’s by 76%.)

3. Add a vitamin K supplement to your diet. (It may help prevent Alzheimer’s)

4. Reduce stress. (Many studies have linked anxiety with the development of Alzheimer’s.)

5. Commit to regular exercise (which may preserve Hippocampal volume that is the first part of the brain attacked by Alzheimer’s).

6. Laugh more. (It helps to engage the brain, and ultimately prevent Alzheimer’s.)

7. Run fifteen miles per week (which 15 miles per week may reduce your risk of Alzheimer’s by 40%).

8. Consume more fruits.

9. Make time for meditation.

10. Eat more fish.

11. Quit smoking.

12. Adopt a Mediterranean diet (high in omega-3s that could lower the risk of cognitive decline).

13. Learn early Alzheimer’s signs. (See first half of this post.)

14. Get a better night’s sleep (which can lower stress levels that could lead to Alzheimer’s).

15. Limit sugar intake (as Diabetes can be linked to Alzheimer’s). [viii]

“I often hear people say that a person suffering from Alzheimer's is not the person they knew. I wonder to myself [just] who are they then?[ix]

If you learn to listen for clues as to how I feel instead of what I say, you will be able to understand me much better [as an Alzheimer’s person].[x]

It is important not to assume that people with Alzheimer’s disease have lost understanding or knowledge. It is too easy to think that they do not know simply because they do not communicate. We need to take on the challenge of finding ways to communicate successfully, to try different routes to find common ground.”[xi]

Historian Joyce Appleby, author of question quote
 

 





[i] Quote by actress Laurie Graham



[ii] Quote by actress Laurie Graham



[iii] For the purpose of this post, I will be using the terms “dementia” and Alzheimer’s” interchangeably.

 


[iv] Quote by Judy Parfitt


[v] The term a “senior moment” refers to a lapse of memory…which is…unusual [for the individual in question who]…may not necessarily be advanced in age (although senior citizens are more likely to experience an occurrence). This is adapted from www.urbandictionary.com.

 


[vi] This post was inspired by the 2014 Netflix documentary, Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me.


[vii] This section of the post is adapted from the article, “10 Early Signs of Alzheimer’s You May Have Missed” by Jennifer Wegerer July 16, 2014

 


[viii]This section of the post is adapted from the article, “15 Resolutions to Reduce Your Dementia Risk in 2015” by Alissa Sauer January 1, 2015

 


[ix] Quote by Bob DeMarco

 


[x] Quote by Mara Botonis

 


[xi] Quote by Trevor Harley, University of Dundee

Friday, December 30, 2016

My One and Only

So, you’re a married man. Congratulations. Being married can be awesome and liberating. You get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend and someone who complements you completely – it’s tremendous. [i]

The thing about marriage is that it actually provides a framework for you to thrive and flourish, to become your true self rather than someone who is just angling for another score. But even though marriage is a time for you to feel free, there are a few things that married men should never do. Here are four of them.

1.  Get emotionally vulnerable with a member of the opposite sex. Whether you’re unburdening yourself or whether they’re pouring out their heart to you, this is just a bad idea. Look, we all want to be the person who is kind and loving and who is “there” for those in need. And that’s a great person to be.

Just don’t be that person for a member of the opposite sex especially if it’s just the two of you. Look, we’re not afraid of a man being friends or even being close with a woman that he’s not married to.

But we also understand the realities of the way the human heart works, and we know that emotional vulnerability can wind up leading either – or both – of you to places you shouldn’t be going. Someone else can be there for them, or there for you. It’s not worth it.
 
2.  Keep score. Hey, you want to know a great way to kill intimacy with your wife? Try keeping score. When you get into a heated conversation (i.e. argument), don’t try to find resolution – just try to win. When your wife asks you to do something for her, remember it so you can use it later to force her to do something for you.

Oh, and when it comes to sex, definitely keep track of who initiates and when and then take it personally. Of course we’re being sarcastic here. Keeping score is great when you’re playing actual games, but a terrible thing to do in marriage. You and your spouse are in this together, meaning you either both win or you both lose. Grow up.[ii]

3.  Try to fix your wife. The great thing about your wife is that she is a wonderful puzzle of occasional contradictions who sometimes just needs to think out loud. And at the risk of generalizing, we’re going to say that when she does think out loud, she’s not really looking for answers so much as a confidant and someone to back up the way she feels about something.

She probably doesn’t really want you to fix her situation, and she definitely doesn’t want you to fix her. She wants an advocate. You aren’t responsible for your wife’s emotions or actions. You know who is? She is. Let her be. Listen, be kind, back her up, and let her vent.

4.  Stop doing the little things. You know how when you were dating you did all kinds of cool, fun, romantic little things? And you know how that made her feel? Yeah, you should keep doing that stuff. You probably already know this, because it’s in, like, every marriage book, blog, video course, conference, and getaway weekend. But there’s a reason for that: because it’s true.

You have to keep doing that stuff to let your wife know you still cherish her and respect her and have a desperate desire to continue surprising her, even after all these years.

And now it’s your turn, married guys. We’ve given you some ideas – take them as a springboard and start thinking of what you shouldn’t do as a married man, as well as all the many, many things that you can do. Get started. Live free.[iii]

“Who can find a wife of noble character? For her value is far more than rubies.”[iv] My wife, Bobbi, has a giving personality, and definitely is what this verse is communicating. If you are a husband, is this scripture true of your wife?


A young Frank Sinatra




[i] “My one and only” refers to incomparable, unique, and the object of all one's love (www.collinsdictionary.com).
 
[ii]  “My One and Only Love” Performed by Frank Sinatra, 1963
 
The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.

 
The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night while you're in my arms.
I feel your lips, so warm and tender,
My one and only love.

 
The touch of your hand is like heaven,
A heaven that I've never known.
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own.

 
You fill my eager heart with such desire.
Ev'ry kiss you give sets my soul on fire.
I give myself in sweet surrender,
My one and only love.

 
 
 
[iii] Adapted from the article, “4 Things Married Men Should Never Do” by Craig Gross on December 5th, 2016 (www.xxxchurch.com)
 
 
[iv] Proverbs 31:10 (NET)






Thursday, December 29, 2016

Git-R-Done

 
The wrong move can cost you the job. You've worked hard to get to the interview stage. You passed the cover letter and resume screening process…maybe even a few telephone interviews.[i]

Now it’s time for the face-to-face interview with the employer itself. Any number of items can go wrong but you have to be in control and must have confidence. Go into an interview with the feeling that you are going to impress them so much that they will have to make you an offer.[ii]

The interview is the most stressful part of the job hunt for many people because now they can't hide behind the cover letter and resume.[iii] The real face to face human connection between possible employer and job candidate takes place. But for starters if you simply follow these thirteen tips below, you are on your way to interviews with results.

A big part of a successful interview is avoiding simple mistakes. Mistakes are deadly to the job seeker and easy to avoid if you are prepared. These are the most common interview mistakes - and their antidotes.

1.  Arriving late-Get directions from the interviewer - or a map. Wear a watch and leave home early. If the worst happens and you can't make it on time, call the interviewer and arrange to reschedule.
 
2.  Dressing wrong-You make your greatest impact on the interviewer in the first seventeen seconds - an impression you want to make powerfully positive.

Dress right in a conservative suit, subdued colors, little jewelry (but real gold, or silver, or pearls), low heels (polished) and everything clean and neat.

Hygiene includes combed hair, brushed teeth, deodorant and low-key scent. Check everything the night before, again before walking out the door and once again in the restroom just before the interview.

3.  Play zombie- OK, you're nervous. But you can still smile, right? And make eye contact, yes? Sit up, focus on the interviewer, and start responding. Enthusiasm is what the interviewer wants to see.
 

4.  No smoking, no gum, no drinking-This is all comfort stuff for you, and none of it helps you here. Employers are more likely to hire non-smokers. At a lunch or dinner interview, others may order drinks. You best not.

 
5.  Research failure-The interview is not the time for research. Find out the company's products and services, annual sales, structure and other key information from the Internet, the public library, professional magazines or from former employees.

Show that you are interested in working for the prospective employer by demonstrating knowledge about the company.

6.  Can't articulate your own strengths and weaknesses-Only you can recognize your most valuable strengths and most hurtful weaknesses. Be able to specify your major strengths. Your weaknesses, if such must come up, should only be turned around to positives.

 
7.  Winging the interview-Practice! Get a friend, a list of interview questions and a tape recorder and conduct an interview rehearsal.

Include a presentation or demonstration if that will be part of the real interview. Start with introducing yourself and go all through an interview to saying good-bye. Write out any answers you have difficulty with, and practice until your delivery is smooth (but not slick).

8.  Talk, Talk, Talk-Rambling, interrupting the interviewer and answering to a simple question with a fifteen-minute reply - all of these can be avoided if you've thought through and practiced what you want to communicate. Good answers are to the point and usually shorter.

 
9.  Failure to connect yourself to the job offered- The job description details the company's needs - you connect your experiences, your talents and your strengths to the description.

It answers the essential reasons for the interview - "How my education/experience/talents/strengths fit your needs and why I can do this job for you."

10.             Not asking questions - and asking too many-Use your research to develop a set of questions that will tell you whether this is the job and the company for you. This will help you limit and focus your questions. But don't overpower the interviewer with questions about details that really won't count in the long run.

 
11.             Bad-mouth anyone-Not just your present employer, or former employer, or the competition. You don't want to look like a complainer.

 
12.             Asking about compensation and /or benefits too soon-Wait for the interviewer to bring up these issues - after the discussion of your qualifications and the company's needs and wants.
 
13.             Failure to ask for the job-When the interviewer indicates the interview is over, convey your interest in the job and ask what the next step is.[iv]

Larry the Cable Guy







[i] The modern use of "Git-R-Done" was developed in the early 1990's by hard working white males, who reached a point in their life where they wanted to actually accomplish something... They had to have a way…to reaffirm that feeling of getting something done. Thus, [this phrase] was born.
This can be said before a task is completed [for motivation]; after a task is completed [for celebration or] during the process of completing a task for no apparent reason… This phrase was popularized by comedian Daniel Lawrence Whitney (“Larry the Cable Guy”). This explanation was adapted from www.urbandictionary.com.
 
[ii]Entrust your efforts to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3(GW)
[iii]Surely, no matter what you are doing (speaking, writing, or working), do it all in the name of Jesus our Master, sending thanks through Him to God our Father.”  Colossians 3:17 (VOICE)
[iv] Adapted from the article, “13 Job Interview Mistakes to Avoid” by Nathan Newberger
 

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Zip Your Lip

SaveSaveAs pornography becomes more and more normalized in American culture, the church as a whole is starting to realize that this is no longer an issue to be ignored…[i]

There are still some things you can’t count on hearing from the pulpit. Here are three things the church won’t teach you about [pornography].

 
1.  It’s becoming more culturally acceptable, especially among young people. Okay, maybe you might hear about this in conjunction with a long rant about our culture’s declining morals, but it’s highly unlikely that your church will let you know just how acceptable pornography is becoming in American society.

 
A recent, in-depth survey by the Barna group has revealed that [pornography] use is on the rise among teenagers and young adults, and that it is less and less seen as morally wrong to use [pornography].

 
In fact, among the young people surveyed, only 32% said that viewing [pornography] was “usually or always wrong.” Compare that to the percentage of those who felt the same way about not recycling: 56%. This may be tough to admit, but attitudes about pornography are shifting, even among those in the church.

2.  Plenty of the people next to you in the pews are struggling with it. But that doesn’t mean everyone in church is all fine and dandy with using [pornography]. In fact, there are plenty of your fellow churchgoers who struggle with [pornography], though you may never know it because they would never admit it. These are the kinds of things that get admitted on anonymous surveys but that don’t tend to come up at the latest potluck. 

 
No, while many people are starting to own up to their struggles with [pornography], there are still plenty of those who are keeping their struggles to themselves.

 
Because even though the church has made in-roads into becoming safe places for people to admit their weaknesses and failings, there are still far too many in the church who feel like they must keep their “happy faces” firmly in place.

 
Sadly, even though most churches are aware of the breadth of the [pornography] problem in their pews, very few churches have any formal ministries or programs in place to help their members deal with their [pornography] problem and find freedom from it.

 
3.  A shocking percentage of the people on stage struggle with it. Once more we turn to the Barna survey, which shows that the majority of pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) have struggled with [pornography] either in the past or currently. Those who do struggle with [pornography] say it negatively affects their ministry, probably because 55% of those pastors say “they live in constant fear of being discovered.”

 
The fact of the matter is, your pastor is more than likely someone who is currently struggling with [pornography] or who has had an issue with [pornography] in the recent past. This can make them understandably less likely to talk about it, but hopefully this fact can also give you grace for them and for yourself if you’re someone who struggles with it.

 
“Remember that some men, even pastors, lead sinful lives, and everyone knows it. In such situations you can do something about it. But in other cases only the judgment day will reveal the terrible truth.”[ii] Though pastors serve an infallible God, they themselves are fallible humans. They will make mistakes, but the Truth will set them free.[iii]

 
One thing the church at large loves to talk about is victory, but we’d prefer to see the church start talking about lasting freedom, something that is available to everyone, whether they’re in the pulpit or the pews... [Pornography] is here. It’s growing, but it doesn’t have to. It’s time for the church to get the word out.[iv]

 





[i] If someone tells you to “zip your lip,” they want to to shut up or keep quiet about something.

 


[ii] 1 Timothy 5:24 (TLB)

 


[iii] This paragraph is my addition.

 


[iv] Adapted from the article, “3 Things the Church Won’t Teach You about Porn” by X3 on June 6th, 2016 (www.xxxchurch.com)

 

 

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