Advanced Warning

The 2007 movie Next features Nicholas Cage as Las Vegas magician, Chris Johnson. Chris has a special gift that has been in his life since childhood. His ability is something the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) wants to use in stopping terrorists attacks. Chris Johnson has the talent of seeing two minutes into his future.

What would you do with that kind of knowledge? Would it be hindrance or a help in your daily existence? Are there wrongs you could right in two minutes? In two minutes, could you have the courage to say the important things in life to those who mean the most? As far as I am aware, no one can go back and alter their past for a different future (regardless of what literature and media lead you to believe). The present is all you have control over.

What are the things you excel at? How can you bless someone with your talents that come so naturally to? It does no good to beat yourself up over the blunders that you have performed in the past.

That is self-defeating, exhaustive, and unproductive toward reaching the goal of becoming the “true you.” Your bright future is within your reach. Grab it for all your worth. There is no Next movie for your life, but you have the next best things-God and your brain.

The Briefcase

The Briefcase (CBS, Wednesdays, 8-9pm) is a reality show that left me with me with many questions about my own morality through the eyes of Bergins of Matthews, NC, and the Bronsons of Manchester, NH. The concept for the show seemed deceptively simple, but this program proved to be nothing but complicated.

Two financially needy families (for various reasons) living in different parts of the U.S.A. each receive a briefcase of $100,000. They have three options that they can do with this money. The Bergins and Bronsons can keep it all, keep half and give the other half away to the other disadvantaged family, or give all the cash away.

Throughout the show both families are given information about the other one in this social experiment as they make their monetary decision. Eventually, the couples are given complete access to the living facilities of the opposing group of people.

By the end of the show, both couples (husband and wife) meet face-to-face to present the currency they wish to give to those in need. I was completely astonished with what occurred by the conclusion of the program.

Bobbi and I were challenged to wonder how far we would go to provide for our family (including the Chihuahuas), or help the need of strangers. The Briefcase made me think, and question if I really would ever want to be put in such a stressful situation.   (I will be tuning in next week.)

Beyond the Chalkboard

When “Tina” walked through the door, I wasn’t sure if I’d read her powder blue t-shirt correctly. So what did I do? I asked her if I could read it. “Nothing can scare me; I’m a retired teacher” made me giggle. Tina and went into an immediate discussion as she got her cart.

I told Tina about my negative substitute teaching experiences in the late eighties (see Forgetful Memories), and my regret that teaching in a Christian school had not worked. (The salary was not enough to sustain a family, which I hoped to do in the future.) You know me and my questions. Here was one question that needed asking.

“Do you think teaching has given you the ability to handle a lot of tough things in your life?” As I expected Lisa felt the career of teaching had given her the ability to have the strength to do so many other things in her existence hear on earth.

She’d ministered in her own unique way to a variety of students with all sorts of needs. (At least, this is the way I was interpreting our discussion.) As the two of us parted each other’s company, I congratulated her on her retirement. Lisa looked back with a smile, and assured me she almost didn’t make it.

Do you have a favorite teacher from your school experience that positively changed your life? Think back, and remember what they did that made them so special.  If this scenario is yours, find a way to contact them. Tell them about the difference they made for you, and what you have done with that gift.

Sunshine and Roses

“Dell” and I only met for a brief moment. He was preparing to exit the building through the doors on the general merchandise side of the store. I was doing part of my morning duties as a greeter by cleaning the glass doors. As Dell left, I told him to have a great day.

In return, he said something like the following, which I felt was rather profound: “The sky is blue, and I can smell the roses instead of pushing up underneath them.” Let’s think about this statement for just a bit.

If you think about it, someone has to be in a great deal of discomfort to choose death over life. (For people like myself that’s hard to imagine.) Most people will fight as long and hard as they can to remain among the living. Six feet above the ground is much more preferable than six feet under it. Would you not agree?

Have you ever thought about all the things there are in life to live for. The list is infinite, but here are a few of my favorites. There’s the joy of being a published author.

If you have children what about the pleasure of watching them and your grandchildren grow up? What about traveling, learning a new electronic gadget, or deepening your relationship with others and God? Enjoy life to its fullest.

It’s B.E.D. Time

As an adult, my relationship with food has been a challenge to say the least. Regularly, I tend to eat fast, and beyond full when I’m not really hungry. (My diabetic sugar readings keep rising along with my waist line.) Until recently, I thought I had big issues with my own self control and portion sizes. But did I really?

I found out the above example from my life has a name. It’s called Binge Eating Disorder (B.E.D.). People with the above issue are not lacking in self control. Individuals like this tend to eat in private to hide the amount of food they are consuming. It’s more common in women than men.

Afterwards they feel regretful about the binge eating they continue to do on a regular basis (no matter the self guilt that’s inflicted). It’s important to know B.E.D. adults do not try to undo binge eating with throwing up or over exercising.

Be assured if you have B.E.D. that it was not your choice. This has nothing to do with your will power. You are not a failure. This is not the same as overeating at a holiday (or special occasion) meal. Some of the risks of this illness include type 2, diabetes, sleep apnea, joint pain, anxiety, and high blood pressure, and some types of cancer.

It is important to know that psychotherapy (which may include counseling), medication (Vyvance), and nutrition can all work together in conquering B.E.D.  If you believe you may have this, the first step is to have a discussion with your health care provider. For further information, please refer to the website www. bedaonline.com. 

A Dollop of Daisy

As greeter, every day I get that one customer that makes my shift worthwhile. I love people that are out of the ordinary-just a little spicy and unexpected from the norm. When “Daisy” asked me where the key chains were, I said I thought they would be somewhere around jewelry.

Daisy said she’d been there with no luck. I sent her to guest services, where we both discovered key chain were in automotive as well as an aisle nearby. What Daisy finally ended up with was the type of thing that hangs from one’s neck to hold a work ID.

Daisy was using it to hold her zip drive of recipes she kept losing. (I was happy to find out the recipes were backed up on her computer hard drive.) Daisy finally decided to put zip drive necklace around her driver’s side mirror. I told her I thought it was against the law to do that. She said that was great. She’d be in good in good company with all the other lawbreakers who did it.   

For the next half an hour, we chatted, and were occasionally interrupted by the customers that needed my help. Daisy told me about her adult two sons. (She never gave either son a name). The oldest was called “the bad son.” The youngest was known as “the good son.”

I was a little taken back with these nicknames. I tried to verify with Daisy that she loved both of her sons equally. She assured me she didn’t. (Internally, I smiled at Daisy’s honesty.) Daisy told me about the time “the bad son” (an adult by then) chose to tell her on her birthday that he was going to ride a train from nearby Eastside to some location. As there were only freight trains in that city, Daisy knew her son was choosing to be a professional hobo for a while.

The “the bad son” now lives out of state. Daisy came to stay with him for several weeks. Her second floor room had no bathroom (on first floor), and was accessed by treacherous, narrow stairs her cane had difficulty with.

Daisy was having difficulty finding much of the stuff on her grocery list. I suggested going back to look for it. Instead, she decided to go somewhere else to find what she needed. “The good son” lived close to Easton. I suggested Bed, Bath, and Beyond for the pineapple slicer she was looking for. I was sure they would have it.

When I asked Daisy if she wished she had a daughter. Her answer went something like this, “Absolutely not. They are too much drama and fuss.” Unique individuals can add a different perspective to one’s life. Don’t be afraid to add some human zest into your world. You might just like it.

My Deafness

On a Sunday afternoon I quickly read a bearded “Peyton’s” mint green t-shirt with the navy blue letters of “I’m just not listening” as he passed by me to the outer regions of the store. How many times had my wife and daughter asked if I’d heard them as they’d repeated something over again for me several times? (When I finally heard them, I was irritated over their harsh tone.)

My form of not hearing usually occurs when Bobbi and Allena are together with me in the living room, and I am doing some form of writing (usually for my blog, Encourage Me). As an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) male, I find that I am able to succeed at things like writing when I get tunnel vision, and put all my attentions to what I am working on. This means all people, animals, or noise around me is ignored.

Over what situations do you mentally check out on? Is it because of something you have no desire to deal with? What frightens you to deal with this issue? Are you afraid you might emotionally hurt someone you care about a great deal? Ignoring this concern will only stress you out. Being “emotionally deaf” to it will accomplish absolutely nothing. You need to do this so don’t wait any longer.

  

My Alternative

“Leslie” walked in the store with her family in shorts and a sky blue shirt that had white and yellow lettering. The inscription on her top was funny at first, but quickly became serious when I realized it was yelling one of my worst flaws.

“Pick a fight” reminded me of the many times when my emotional defenses had been up and on full alert. Any innocent comment my family would make sent me into an angry tail spin on incorrect interpretation of whatever came out of the mouth of my wife or daughter. The end result was I could be a bit difficult to live with. Instead of offering grace, and allowing the minor irritation to float on by, I became a raging bull with Bobbi and Allena as my red target.

So I would ask you is their enough maturity in your life to “avoid a fight.” All anger eventually leads to is hurtful words (you shouldn’t mean or physical violence (that makes those around you frightened of who you’ve become).

Allow God’s advice for you from The Message translation of Psalm 37:8-9 to speak to your heart. “Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, cool your pipes-it only makes things worse.” As I see it, your options involve continuing with the wrong choice, and making life miserable for those around you. Your other option is to ask God for the help you need to become a person that avoids picking a fight. Which alternative will you select?

Something New

It was a Friday night, and once again time for our weekly shopping trip. This week we had my wife’s overtime to spend as well as employee appreciation coupons and our regular 10% employee discount.

Among the many items we purchased, I got two Falls Creek 3x short-sleeve, button down shirts for me with a short vertical (up and down) zipper in the front of each shirt (on the left side of my chest). Bobbi suggested these shirts because of the yoke panel in the back of the shirt that had a special fabric that absorbed body moisture (sweat).

One shirt was a small grass green (and black) plaid pattern. The shirt was a large aqua blue (and black) plaid pattern. Once I got home with these shirts, I automatically considered the pants that could be matched with them. My mood was definitely on an upward climb.  

Becoming an indebted shopaholic is not the best way. Eventually you have to deal with the burden of purchasing on credit. Instead think about ways to reward yourself that will not be destructive in the end. (You think of all the ways.) Why not join a club (or group) in person and make some new friends. Start a blog on your favorite thing. Whatever you do please connect with other people. Life is full of unique personalities.

Something New

It was a Friday night, and once again time for our weekly shopping trip. This week we had my wife’s overtime to spend as well as employee appreciation coupons and our regular 10% employee discount.

Among the many items we purchased, I got two Falls Creek 3x short-sleeve, button down shirts for me with a short vertical (up and down) zipper in the front of each shirt (on the left side of my chest). Bobbi suggested these shirts because of the yoke panel in the back of the shirt that had a special fabric that absorbed body moisture (sweat).

One shirt was a small grass green (and black) plaid pattern. The shirt was a large aqua blue (and black) plaid pattern. Once I got home with these shirts, I automatically considered the pants that could be matched with them. My mood was definitely on an upward climb.  

Becoming an indebted shopaholic is not the best way. Eventually you have to deal with the burden of purchasing on credit. Instead think about ways to reward yourself that will not be destructive in the end. (You think of all the ways.) Why not join a club (or group) in person and make some new friends. Start a blog on your favorite thing. Whatever you do please connect with other people. Life is full of unique personalities.

Awakening

It’s a common assumption that with age wisdom follows. Some senior citizens are set in their ways, and unwilling to open their minds to new things that could enrich their lives during their “golden years.”

Excluding medical reasons, anyone (no matter the age) is able to learn something new. It all depends on the motivation a person has in discovering something that takes them outside their comfort zone.

This post is being written to encourage any senior citizen that has no idea how to work a computer and the internet to take the plunge. This endeavor will open up a whole new world of education and curiosity.

To give a human example to help you to better understand what I’m talking about, let me briefly discuss my seventyish mother. This is one woman I love with all everything in me. Mom has been through more sorrow during her life than anyone should ever have to endure (see Parental Guidance?)

Though my mother does give in to the electronic age with a plain cell phone, she refuses to text. At one time I volunteered to attend free basic computer courses with her at her local library so she could learn the computer and the internet. She eventually cancelled her reservation to attend the group class.

Chances are my mother will never view my blog, Encourage Me. She will never learn the joy of connecting with her friends and family through e-mail and Facebook. The efficiency of paying bills online and the joy of quickly discovering loads of information on the World Wide Web are two things my mother will never become familiar with. Part of me feels sorry for all that my mom is missing out on.

For anyone who wishes to better themselves, the resources (many of them are free) are out there if you do the research to find them. Be willing to ask someone else for help if you need it. There are individuals that have a heart to serve others.

If you’ve ever read Matthew 7:7, you know it deals with how to ask God for what you want in prayer. Pray. Though it may be scary to go outside what is normal for you, accomplishing your own personal impossible can give you a large amount of self esteem.  Don’t ever be afraid to reach out into the unknown. What have you got to lose? Give it try just for the fun of it.

Instantaneous

God’s time schedule in regard to answering our prayers can either happen in a matter of seconds, or take years to come to His resolution. On a Sunday morning, Allena lay sleeping as her body dealt with strep throat (that was diagnosed on the prior Thursday at CVS Minute Clinic). Bobbi and I left at 9:40am for our 10am service at Eastside Community Church in Gahanna, OH (see Exhausted).

Our church does something in connection with the worship music that I simply love. We have church members that stand in the back of the gym to pray with anyone who has a need they wish to lift up to God the Father. This morning Bobbi and I felt the necessity to pray for our daughter, Allena. We decided to make a connection with our friend, Sheri.

Sheri started to pray as she mentioned our needs to the Almighty. It went something like this. “Heavenly Father, heal Allena physically, and heal her sore throat. In regards to what you want her to do for a college major, please give her wisdom as she makes this important decision. Thank you for what you will do. Amen.”

At the same time this prayer was being uttered by Sheri (around 10:30AM), things were happening in Allena’s bedroom. With the round of antibiotics she was on, our daughter woke up noticing that she could finally swallow normally. Her strep throat and the discomfort of that illness were gone. Praise God.

The other thing that was happening is that in the shower Allena and God were having a rather heated (and wet) talk (in her head) about the major she was going to pursue in college (for her permanent vocation). Every time the Heavenly Father uttered something like, “Allena, you are going to be an ultrasound technician.” The reply of my stubborn daughter (dad quality) simply went something like this, “No, I’m not.” 

This heavenly discussion went on for awhile until Allena gave in. She discovered in the end God always wins. Allena has already made arrangements to start a new major at a new college.

You never know, but someone may be praying for you as you read this post. How far does the Almighty need to go to get your attention? See post Hide and Seek. If God wants you, He won’t give up until he has you. That’s fact. Make it easy on yourself, and give in. You know it’s the right thing to do. Get the peace you’ve been longing for.

Polite

You’ve noticed that I talk about my Chihuahuas a lot in my posts. They are part of the fabric of my family’s life. Both Lola and Chico have received in-depth posts in She’s a Lady? And Nail It Down. It’s time for you to get to know the smallest dog of the group, Rosco.

In 2009, I was dealing with the ramifications of a cancer verdict. My family was looking for a canine companion to help deal with this life challenge. We found the brothers’ photograph of Rosco (and Chico) on the Franklin County Dog Shelter website. They were cute, but the possibility of owning either one of them was not even a blip on the Kinker’s family life.

The old Franklin County Dog Shelter on Alum Creek Drive was crowded and loud (unlike the new, modern location off Morse Road). Our family looked at several dogs. The fit never seemed to be right. We decided to finally take a look at the Chihuahua brothers. (I was only interested in Rosco.)

Rosco and Chico had been separated from their combined cage. They were both healing from their neutering surgery. Soon after we arrived to view the very handsome Rosco, the brothers were united for a playful, licking love fest. It was at that moment my wife decided to have two dogs as opposed to one. She would not separate these two. (Bobbi’s insight has proved to be a correct one over the years.)

Years later, my wife decided obedience training at our local pet store would be a great idea. Rosco and Chico together constituted a lot of tugging and pulling them into obedience. Chico was more manageable than the ferocious Rosco. He felt it was his duty to let the black Labrador Retriever next to him the his manhood was being threatened. Bobbi overheard a woman state to someone her dog was having nerve with her dog eveytime class occurred because of Rosco. Eventually both dogs were demoted to private training lessons. That didn’t last long. The things that were partially learned were “leave it, stay, and sit.”

If any dog has multiple personalities, it would be Rosco. One minute he is so shy that he can hardly stand looking at you, or he might just ball up in submission (or terror).

Unlike our others a dog, Rosco looks up as if he is asking for permission to come in from the outside. (Neither Chico or Lola do this.) Hours later, you might find Rosco in a vicious bloody fight with Chico, or being protective of someone (or something) as he growls and shows his five teeth.

Rosco has a unique way of running that I can’t describe, but is endearing to me. I love his lovely ears that resemble translucent bat wings. His nose looks like a tiny pig snout. No matter what emotion Rosco is feeling his tail loudly thumps it.

Rosco loves to sit and sunbath on the back porch like a proper gentleman. He gets watery eyes (from dog hair I joke). When Rosco kisses my family on our noses (or even the lips) with his tongue, we understand his love he is trying to transfer to us in the only way he knows possible.

 Rosco’s breath (includes the tongue) are putrid to the point of gagging. Against Rosco’s will, he is often thrown in wrestling matches with his more energetic sister, Lola.  These bouts are more fun for Lola than Rosco. They exhaust him as he bravely defends himself from a female canine tornado. Lola’s mouth and paws are everywhere on Rosco. (It’s a fact that Lola loves Rosco.)

It means a lot to me to know Rosco has lovingly been there for all the up’s and down’s of my daughter’s existence since he has lived with us. I think the time Rosco and Allena are together is a deep connection that doesn’t require words. Rosco’s ears even go straight back, and bend up at the tips (leprechaun style) when the word, “Allena” is spoken in his presence. (This is his way of mentally preparing for my daughter.)

Whenever I have to take Rosco away from Allena for food or bathroom time, he usually turns his head back to make sure she is fine before he leaves. (I always assure him it is OK to go.)

Rosco has one bottom tooth that comes out over his bottom lip. In addition to this being cute, we have a whole bunch of clothes we love Rosco to dress up in for our amusement, (and sometimes for his warmth in the harsh Ohio winters).

Do you have someone that loves you more than life itself-human or animal? Do you have someone you could love that way? Be the type of person that sacrifices your convenience for the good of others. You can achieve this. As I have stated before, the feeling you get from giving to others is addictive.

Strong Man

It was following my afternoon break on a Friday around 1:15PM. I had just arrived back at the general merchandise door I would be greeting at until my shift concluded at 2PM. I was surprised to find both the store director “Johnna” and a customer “Justin” patiently waiting for assistance to get a boxed grill into the back of his SUV.

I have no idea who was originally assigned to assist with this heavy duty, but Justin wanted to know if I was the muscle he’d been waiting for. Johnna decided I was just the right person to make this customer happy.

As we preceded through the extra large garden center doors to reach Justin’s automobile, I discovered his last grill had lasted ten years. This one had all the bells and whistles to do some great grilling. He agreed.

Once outside, I told Justin I’d never had the adjective “muscle” associated with my name before. Being a greeter at this store, I saw a lot of men that were in much better physical shape than me. Jason and I both agreed exercising more would be a good thing.

With both our help, the grill slid perfectly horizontally into the SUV like it was supposed to be there. Later I saw Justin back in the store for something he’d forgotten to help with his next outdoor grilling time.

At times we all wish for things that we are unwilling to put the hard work in to achieve. You may be among the fortunate that genetically got a perfect physique without any effort on your part. The rest of us have to exercise and control our diet to reach our goals in this area. At this stage in my life, it just takes way to much energy to make all this happen.

Dreams can come true, but at times you have to be the magic that makes it happen. Remember, any goal in life that is important to you is worth working hard for.

The Injection

Laughter is a gift from God. It helps to change one’s perspective in all sorts of unique situations. I was at the urology facility that administers my injection of Testosterone every three weeks. (The shot helps with physical stamina, and increases romantic desires towards Bobbi.)

In the waiting room, Nurse “Rachel” calls “Robert.” I picked up my cinch sack and the clip board of paper work I was given at registration. I walked into the door Rachel was holding open with her left arm.

We walked down a hall I had never been down. We stopped at a doorway. I looked at Rachel, and meekly stated “I’m here for a Testosterone shot.” Rachel looked at the clipboard I’d given her. She looked at it, smiled, and stated, “You’re the wrong Robert.”

Back out to the waiting room. The correct Robert was called in by his last name with Mr. preceding it. I was soon called in soon after the other Robert left; Nurse “Hope” called me in down the right hallway into a room I was familiar with for a shot in my butt that had become a common part of the tapestry of my life.

The chances of someone in the waiting room of a medical facility having the same first name as me are slim. It’s always best if you can take a step back at times, and just laugh at the absurdity that is you. (Relax a bit. Life is not always serious.) You can find humorous moments if you are on the lookout for them. Your attitude is within your control.

Work It Out

During a typical work day for my wife, she inadvertently got into a religious discussion with a co-worker named, “Saul.” Bobbi asked him why he was being given so much work. His answer, “It’s all a part of the test, “peaked her curiosity as to what he was talking about.

Saul referred to the faith and works combination described in James 2:14-26 as his reasoning to why he felt the amount of his good deeds would decide whether he entered into Heaven or not.

The above James passage has absolutely nothing to do with salvation. It deals with backing up the faith one has in their daily life with their actions. As described in verses 14-17, telling a homeless person to pray to God for some food, and you being the answer to that request are two different things.

Salvation is only of God, and you having to do with it (Ephesians 2:8-9). If you need further information on this topic, please see the post, Salvation by the Book. 

One Singular Sensation

In the episode “Girl Meets Gravity” of Disney’s Girl Meets World (sequel to Boy Meets World); heroine Rylie Matthews (played by Rowan Blanchard) learns that she is not the “center of the universe.” The analogy of the Earth revolving around the Sun, and not the other way around helps to bring the point home to Rylie.

Do you know of a moody individual who believes everything begins and ends with them? Many times people like this have friends for the soul purpose of using them (like unpaid servants). If this type of person finds someone that truly loves them, the lover becomes their slave for as long as that person is willing to take it.

Let’s take a more selfless approach to “center of the universe.” If you flip the above phrase by making helping others the prime existence of your life, what could be better than that? If you’ve made someone’s life better (that has no way to repay you), there are few words that can describe the honorable, proud feeling inside you. Try it.

So the option is yours, become who you really want to be. As always, the preference is entirely yours. Make the wise choice. 

Just Do It

If you have ever used AT&T products (phone, internet, cable), chances are that you still may not know the company motto, “Rethink Possible.” Though this slogan is similar to the one described in the post Maternal Wisdom, it is also has its own unique spin.

I believe this saying is set firmly in today’s world. For some of today’s single adult, what would it mean to rethink your virginity as a gift you can present to your spouse one day? If you are stuck in a job that doesn’t fit who you really are inside, why not be a problem solver, and rethink your favorite hobby (or something else) into a lucrative career. Possibly you are not at all content with what looks back at you from the mirror. Rethink how you wish your new body appeared to you and others. What do you need to do to reach that goal?

 As you know, there are other people (or events) in life that can keep you from reaching what is possible for you. Don’t allow anything to keep you from reaching your goals. The road will be hard, and chances are you will wish to give-up many a time. If you want the end result, keep the prize in mind. It doesn’t matter how many times failure has happened in the past. The important thing is to keep trying. God the Father already believes you are a winner.

Immoveable

The majority of my job as a greeter is to stand firm in one place (no matter how sore my feet and legs get), and welcome customers as they enter the store (and give them a blessing as they exit through the doors). I am just beginning to understand the importance of establishing a positive, friendly tone as our guests enter and exit the store.

 Though I have no steadfast statistics on this, I believe many of our customers return on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis for the kind employees there that seem to care first, and then the other products in the store.

In Matthew 7:24-29, the parable of two houses is told by Jesus. One house was built on a foundation of rock. The other dwelling was put together on a base of sand. Soon there was a time when a tornado, rain, and a raging river descended on both houses. The rock house survived well. The sand house collapsed quickly.

Like the above parable, you know exactly which house you want to be. Stand firm in your values and morals. (Let no one tell you differently.) If you are a teenager that is dating let absolutely no one take you “beyond the point of no return.” Remember, there are always lots of people out there that would love to date you.

You are a great grandparent in your nineties, but you always regretted you never got a college degree. There is no time like the present. Maybe everything you’ve been through in your existence could translate into life experience credits at the college (or university) you are attending.

How do you know that you might be a turning point for someone that you meet on this wonderful journey? If you were intelligent enough to get this far, you can figure out all the challenges in standing firm in this choice.

Take it from me; standing firm can be rather painful at times. It is important to one’s sense of rightness. Don’t stray from the correct thing to do no matter how unpopular it makes you. Ultimately whose opinion do you care about the most? Is it God or a human being? (I know you chose the heavenly answer.) So all I really want you to do is stand firm. (In whatever manner that translates for you.)

Maternal Wisdom

It was Sunday, May 10, 2015. I was in the middle of my four hour greeter shift (1-5pm). In walked “Darcy” and her two middle-school aged daughters. I gave the three of them my regular store greeting, and wished Darcy a Happy Mother’s Day. In return, I got a smile and a thanks from her.

Before emotionally moving myself to the next group of people that was right behind Darcy (as her clan quickly moved to grab a cart close by me), I quickly read the writing on Darcy’s gray shirt.

It was a simple design with a profound effect on my psyche. The black cursive lettering had a pink shoestring bow above it. I eventually slipped into the nearby men’s bathroom to type it on the notepad feature of my cell phone so I would not forget the words.

This wonderful slogan was “Live the life you imagine.” Do you just exist in your world? Are you afraid to set your hopes any higher than the reality you currently know? Do you want to think and live “outside the box?”

Maybe living (some of your life) for a passion you adore is just plain unimaginable. What would you do in your life if there was nothing to stop you? What personal barriers would have to be broken down for you to do as this motto states? Can you think in your own mind of the obstacles that keep you from reaching your dream?

Maybe you are unable to answer all the questions I’ve asked in your current state. Give this vision a try. What have you got to lose? How will you realize that this may be your destiny unless you walk out into the great unknown (with the little courage you possess)? All you have to do is take baby steps to your goals to move in the direction of “living you best life” (as Oprah says). Shift your humanity into high gear “beyond you wildest dreams.”

Southern Charm

Sweet iced tea is a staple of southern society. Some northerners may find it way too sweet. I drink a lot of tea. My diabetic-friendly version involves adding four tea bags (whatever flavor you like) to two cups of water (more or less water will not make a difference). Allow mixture to boil.

Once this has occurred, remove tea mixture from burner. Let simmer (at least thirty minutes or longer if you forget the pot). Take your tea container, and fill it with cold water almost to the top (leave room for tea). Chill in refrigerator.

When ready, strain tea bags in pot. Throw tea bags away. Pour tea mixture into a container. (Water and tea mix together as you pour tea mixture in.) Allow to chill for several hours. Pour individual glasses, and add sweetener (ice or lemon) as needed. It’s that simple.

When anger has been simmering inside of you for days, months, or years, because of the way you were treated wrong by someone (or in a situation), it’s complicated. Check out the biblical reference below on the toxic affect of your mouth during these times of extreme irritation.

James 3:6 in The Message reads this way, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by Hell.”

Apply the above verse to this advice. When are extremely upset over an issue, please do this for me. Write a pro’s/con’s list (positive/negative). What will happen for you to withhold the venomous language you wish to spew on your victim? What happens if you give that person grace or forgiveness (as hard as it may be to you) by withholding what you think they really need to hear from you.

Read the list over, and then do as Jesus would. Chances are you already know the option to pick. Doing the right thing is not always popular, but a least you can have a clear conscience, which is worth all the gold in the world and a sound sleep at night.

The Decline

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” (Colossians 3:21 NAS) I am fully aware at this point in my life that I do not excel in my fathering skills. My wife feels that my parenting abilities swiftly declined to a C- about the time I was dealing with my cancer. (Allena was thirteen, and in middle school. See post Remembering the Past.)

After that time (though I was still involved in her school life), I lost a lot of my patience with her crazy antics and female drama. Though I will always love and care for her, I find no pleasure in constantly dealing with an extreme wacky version of myself.

As a young adult, Allena is kind and compassionate. She has matured so much.  As a dad, I am constantly at the end of my rope with some thoughtless word uttered or deed done that is geared towards her mother or me. I hate the sound of my voice as I once again harp on things like her trash pit of a room, her clean clothes that are piling up outside the laundry room (our room), skipping her college classes, having no regard for picking up her stuff from the common living areas.

At times I am so flustered that a red-faced me yells mean sentiments to my daughter that have been buried deep in my heart. At times, I’m sure that what’s come out of my mouth has neither edified nor given Allena anything positive to build her life on.  

I try to respect who Allena is, but at times I want to edit parts of her to keeping her from dealing with all the negatives involved with being an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) individual. One day if Allena chooses to be a mother, I hope she uses all the positive stuff I taught her and ignores the bad. Dads, be the best at your job that you can be. 

Loose Lips Sink Ships

During World War II, seamen were given the above slogan to remind them to be careful of secretive information given to other men around them. There was the possibility things might not be as they appear.

Your comrades could be the enemy on a suicide mission as they ordered the ship be sunk to the bottom of the deep blue sea. In today’s world, this saying is synonymous with being careful about what comes out of your mouth because the results may be disastrous.

Here are two insights The Bible has into gossips. In Proverbs 11:13 (NIV) “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 16:28 (MSG) says “Troublemakers start fights, gossips break up friendships.”

“Percy” (see The Best of Me) is a guy in his twenties with a ponytail. He is one of the kindest men I know that is willing to do absolutely anything to help a fellow co-worker. Unfortunately, Percy is one of the biggest gossips in my department.

He gathers people’s information like a woman might collect china (or porcelain) dolls. Percy doesn’t keep secrets. Anything one says is open to be verbally passed on to any colleague that Percy feels is worthy of his insights.  

Sooner or later my daughter and Percy were bound to run into each other at the store all three of us worked at. During her lunch break one evening at the deli, Allena’s decided to talk to the male greeter at the grocery side door with the pony tail. Percy regurgitated to Allena everything I told him about getting out of my greeter job when I was highly agitated with our supervisor. When my daughter repeated her story to her mother and me when she got home from work, I was aware that she’d not seen the greeter’s name badge, but the pony tail was memorable.

I knew this had to be Percy. Though I was upset with Percy for not giving me the chance to mention this information to Allena in my time period, overall I had no one to blame, but myself. I had briefly forgotten Percy’s reputation when I unloaded all my information.

Everything eventually came back in vivid color when my private information came back to slap me in the face. What good would it do to make an enemy of someone I had to work with on a regular basis. Things could uncomfortable between the two of us real fast.

Whether you’re the one giving or receiving gossip, it’s never fun to be involved with deception. If you are the one spreading the rumor, how would feel if someone did that to you? If you are the one damaged by gossip, take the necessary steps to correct the wrong that has happened (even if forgiveness is involved). Make sure to confront issues face-to-face. This is hard, but it is something that needs to happen.

Wipe It Clean

My Tuesday morning off from work was full of stuff to do. After taking my wife to work at 6:30am (one car between the two of us), and voted for Gahanna’s mayoral candidates. At 9:40am I had several warts frozen off my hands at my dermatologist. I then stopped by the library to make an addition to the post Neverending Praise.

In the handicap parking space, I made two phone calls. One was to our insurance company for a claim for my daughter that was processed incorrectly. The second inquiry was to our vet to have a detailed price list for teeth cleaning (both our male Chihuahuas needed it).

Before going home, I stopped by a nearby automotive store to have new windshield wipers installed. (They weren’t handling this morning’s rain very well.) I came to the counter, and asked “Donna” for assistance. As with most strangers I meet, our conversation goes places that I’m sure they never intended to go with a complete stranger (see Question and Answer). 

After Donna got the model and year of my car from me, she proceeded to show me all the different types of wiper blades and their costs. They were sold in individual units. I chose a brand that was durable and affordable at $22 each. (Donna was nice enough to give me an unasked for 10% store discount.)

The topics I remember discussing in the store were the way registers had changed over the years, and people unknowingly learned electronics when they used a u-scan or ran a register. What a difference a greeter makes upon entering a huge store (like Wal-mart). I asked Donna if men thought this was a “boy’s domain,” and did not think females should be working in an automotive store. (Donna honestly responded, “yes”).

As Donna and I walked to my car, I admitted I had no automotive experience. I was delighted the store offered this service. Donna efficiently replaced my warn wiper blades with the new one’s in less time than it would have taken for me to read (and understand) the package directions.

I found out Donna had grown up in a mostly black neighborhood. Though she loved her parents, they were quite a bit prejudice. She was determined not to repeat that with her two teenagers (a boy and a girl).

Both parents worked outside the home. Her father allowed her mother to do all work in the house without any assistance from him. In his defense, I told Donna that was the norm for his era. It was different than today.

 Donna admitted her sixteen year-old daughter “Clarisse” entered high school this year. She’d noticed Clarisse was a lot more secretive with her communication than in middle school. Donna was not bothered by Clarisse’s eccentric friends. Whomever Clarisse dated was OK with her as long the other person treated her right. Though dating had not yet happened, Donna wanted grandchildren one day.

If you have children (or a close relative that is like a child) what positive differences can you make in their life that did not happen when you were growing up? It’s never too late to make a change in someone else’s life for the good. Be a beacon of encouragement and growth.

Parental Guidance?

Exodus 20:12 (of the Ten Commandants) states long life (however that’s interpreted) for those who honor their mother and father. The New Testament sequel to the above says things will be right with those who obey their parents. 

Is there an age limit for children when honoring and obeying their parents? Can abandonment or other actions by a parent negate the need for an adult child to do the above? I definitely do not have the answers to this age old conundrum.

Maybe a real life example from my work life involving one of the store’s senior guests, “Nessa,” (short for Vanessa) will give you a unique perspective on this issue.

When Nessa walked through the glass doors to shop, a Greeter/guest connection happened almost immediately. This bright and bubbly friend was in her golden years, and appeared to be enjoying life to its fullest. In the midst of our conversation, Nessa showed me her messy over full black purse.

She then confided to me she felt her mother wanted her to clean it up, and organize it. I wondered if mother shame (and misguided Jesus guilt) were being used to pack a mighty punch to Nessa’s psyche.

When I saw Nessa again about a week later, the black purse was immaculate. I made her aware she was a grown adult, and could do as she liked. Nessa came from an age when parental requests were honored no matter the age of the child. Denial or ignoring a parental desire was not an option. I think Nessa felt that not to do as her mother would have wished could be interpreted as a sin against God.

One Sunday Nessa showed up at the store all dressed up just to see me.  She asked me if I remembered her. I did. She knew I was writing this article, and providing her character with a fictitious name. She liked the name of “Nessa” I’d chosen.

In the course of our brief chat, I found out her mother had been dead for many years. Nessa still has the need to listen to her conscience, which had a similarity to the voice of her late mother. Beyond the grave the matriarch of Nessa’s clan was still controlling the actions of her daughter.

As the opposite of the above original example, let’s use my mother. As an adult, mom has had a great deal of sorrow to try to process through. Her physically abusive first husband (my father) was killed in a car accident when he was 42, and my siblings and I were teens. Her second husband died of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease in 2011

My twenty-five year-old brother died of a seizure in 1992. I (the oldest child) had cancer in 2009. The challenges the middle sister has been through bring tears to my eyes. I communicate well with my only existing parent. We can communicate in a way that some children only wish they could.

I am very protective of mom. As much as I want my mother to be happy and healthy, I have taught her where my boundaries are in regard to me as an adult man. I often come to her for advice, but it is always my option as to what I want to do with the information.

Here is my interpretation of the verse references at the beginning of this post. I believe a child should (do their best) to honor their imperfect parents no matter the age they are. Once an adult child is supporting themselves (away from their childhood home); borders must be established and respected for all those involved. (Parental obedience is definitely severed once the parent is dead.)

The parent/child relationship is difficult to maneuver through for most people. Try compromise. Show consideration for each other. Like Nessa, come to realistic terms with what your current attitude is about your family relationships. If change needs to be made, then do it. What have you got to lose?

Neverending Praise

“Don’t call attention to yourself; let others do that for you.” (Proverbs 27:2 MSG) Have you ever met (or are related to) someone who is constantly seeking a verbal “pat on the back” for something positive they have done? How does it make you feel to be around that kind of person? (Chances are it does not endear you to that human being.)

I am bad for this. On my days off, I try to run errands or house work (like dishes, laundry, and vacuuming). I make sure my wife gets a full run down when she gets home. Not sure whether I want praise, or to prove I can be useful. Bobbi reminds me of the myriad of duties she performs to keep our home running smoothly. She never needs or asks for accolades. As a wife and mother, theses responsibilities are normal expectations.

Some of you may remember, “Cary,” a utility co-worker mentioned in the post What Would You Do? Cary is handicapped. When there is only one greeter present, he kindly covers breaks and lunch for that greeter so they can take those much needed times of relaxation.

Cary has an irksome habit though that I feel takes more guts than I could ever have (and that’s saying a lot). When Cary does something excellent for one of the store’s guests, he makes sure that he tells them exactly how to get a written commendation to our boss.

My wife reminds me that I am not so different from Cary. In the 1990’s when Bobbi McFarlen was my business associate, she was my contractor and I was her customer service representative. Bobbi reminds me of at least one time where I asked her to put her verbal praise of my work assistance into written format for my supervisor. What goes around usually comes back around to bite you in the butt.

Are you willing to do the right thing whether anyone ever notices it (or not)? Are smiling faces (of appreciation) enough for you? Are you willing to be happy with whatever praise (written or verbal) comes your way, and accept it as a blessing from the Almighty (and that’s all)? Can you live with the satisfaction of a job well done, or to know you have made an encouraging difference for an individual in need?